Wow...I feel like I'm basically getting bitched-out and accused here.
First off, my depression's getting better (slowly, but come on, I just started being Vegan just this month!), and I know I may have MANY emotional problems. As far as therapists/practitioners/etc. goes, I'm sure it's plain to see that my husband and I are just barely making it each month, and plus I don't agree with paying to see such "professionals" (due to reasons of my own which I choose not to explain). Also, my husband tried learning EFT (because he really wanted to help me), and I'm not too sure about it anymore...just seems like a placebo effect to me, as I've yet to experience any differences, so I'm not exactly thrilled about it.
Secondly, I know I can't eat pasta and sauce (or any meal) all day every day. I have been trying to get variety in. Trust me, after the 22 years I've spent eating every unhealthy thing immaginable, I am just slowly starting to learn to get more variety. But on the budget I have, I can't just rush out and switch up my whole diet in the blink of an eye, and then find out that my variety of foods don't even last me the whole month on my budget (and trust me, $150 a month, which is only $75 per person a month, does NOT go far! how many of you actually have that small of a budget?). It's common sense, I'm sure. I am just trying to play it smart and slowly change my diet. And where am I over-relying on sugars? If I remember correctly, I've been eating WAY less sugars than what I had before just recently turning Vegan. Keep in mind that if I were to totally avoid all sugars (except those in fruits), I'd end up turning back and gorging on mouthfuls of sugar (like I've done in the past). I'm trying to slowly get over my craving for sugar. As far as repetition of my diet, I think it's less of an alarm or red flag than the garbage I was stuffing my body with before I started this. And over time, it'll only get better. And I'm not replacing one extreme with another, but am slowly aiming toward my goal. Everyone must remember, before this month, I was always eating much much worse. I rarely had fresh raw fruits and vegetables to eat to my heart's content. I mostly ate dead cooked food that was always flavored strongly. I'm taking baby-steps. Think of it this way...just when starting to feed a baby solid foods, are you goona throw tons and tons of different foods in its face at once? NO! You're going to give a little variety at first, and then branch out to more variety! From all my research and past experience, I've come to find that yes, indeed, PATIENCE IS VIRTUE! I know from experience not to rush into things too quickly.
Third, I am slowly working (along with my husband) on getting to the problems of my depression and such. But as I've explained to my husband, it simply can't be rushed. Until you truely learn WHERE most of my depression comes from, you won't understand. Most of my depression is due to my weight. So what's my resolution to this problem? To handle my weight, THEN work more on my depression (IF it's not fully taken care of by then, due to losing sufficient weight). Ever notice that most overweight/obese people AREN'T happy and ARE depressed? I think that goes hand in hand, for the most part. I don't just mean I'm depressed with my looks, but also with more than just appearance (such as losing my breath while just beginning to exercise, not keeping up with my husband when we walk, etc.). I doubt my emotions have that much to do with my lack of exercise when I'm having such problems with my weight that I can barely exercise before getting completely exhausted. I think many will agree that if most of my depression comes from my weight, that it'd be best to pace myself and work on my physical health first. Especially since I'm not so depressed that I'd risk committing suicide or harming myself badly in any other way.
Forth, I don't rely too much on research. It may be perceived as "too much" by many, because how many people in our society today actually do research before jumping into everything they do? Besides, to have a mind of my own to say "even though this article says yes, and that one says no, in my mind I believe this one is more healthy" shows that I don't FULLY rely on research. But yes, I'll admit I do research. If not, I may be dead, or close to dead, right now. So yeah, I rather rely on researching into things than to push it all aside. But I never let it overcome my mind.
I dunno, maybe I'm just so tired and about ready for bed and just wasn't expecting to see all this, so excuse me for seeming a bit apprehensive even though I'm sure you all meant well. I just feel like I have to prove my case all the time (though, it seems like that on nearly all sites I go on). Maybe I'm just really tired right now, but I felt like I was being accused left and right.
I've had depression and low self esteem for years and years.
Therapy can be pricey, and to get in to see a therapist that isn't expensive.. means being on a waiting list for a long time. I know you have a strict budget, as do I. I've never been able to receive good quality therapy as a result.
What I found helped a lot is exercise and a good diet. (Which you're now working on, and I'm proud of you!) When the bad feelings strike, it's important to talk to someone. Talk to your husband, a family member, a friend, or even one of us. You can always message me.
Many times I've hidden my feelings from the world, hoping they'd go away. They never do. This is why it's good to get those feelings out.
I sincerely hope you feel better soon
Yes, I know. Sometimes, I find it's hard to talk to my husband. But many times, he'll get me to talk to him when I'm crying, and I just "spill my guts", so to speak. lol.
I admit, in the past, I used to ALWAYS hide my feelings from the world, thinking no one cared...and would end up being depressed and staying in my room all the time. It got to the point where I'd get really depressed, so had to see a psychiatrist. She ended up pushing more and more antidepressants on me, and I'd willingly accept them, thinking they must be able to help. I got worse, almost to the point of suicide. That's when I first met my husband online. He was quite the researcher and explained to me how drugs can't do anything, just mess with my mind, and that I needed to get off them. Since then, I never thought of suicide much, especially not to that extent. Though, due to my abusive father, when my husband and I actually met in person, I realized it was hard for me to show my feelings, as I had to hide them all the time in the past. Over time, I've gotten a lot better with expressing my feelings to him, though.