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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:11 pm 
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Finch
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Posts: 6
Location: Bellows Falls, VT
Hey Marcina, I second that - it's healthy to express all those feelings!

I would add that, in my experience, feelings will find a way to be expressed, even if we sweep them under the carpet - through poor health, diet, relationships etc.. Better to talk about what's really going on then get the focus on where you want to be...

As I mentioned before, EFT is a self-help technique and it's free. I use it for all kinds of these issues. It's great for removing barriers to exercise, eating right. It can really help you get 'unstuck', so that you can develop better habits and move forward.

peace,
Jade

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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:18 pm 
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Manatee
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Posts: 240
Location: phoenix, az
halcyonday wrote:
TigreBella,

I'm not a nutritionist or a doctor, but I am a vegan who has had his own challenges with food, depression and chronic low self-esteem over the years. My heart goes out to you, and I encourage all the changes you're attempting to make. However, in my experience, you must get at what's driving the depression, the feeling of 'alone-ness' you are carrying - so that any changes you want to make will come more easily...

I don't think its simply the food we're talking about here. It seems that there are some serious, unaddressed emotional issues at play. I highly recommend working with someone, a therapist or an EFT Practitioner (check out http://www.emofree.com) to get to the heart of whats driving the bad diet, lack of exercise - all the feelings you're carrying around. To my ears, it seems like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) would really help you - as it has helped - and continues to help me through my life challenges.

From my perspective - and please take this as it is meant - you can't simply eat pasta and sauce (or much the same meal all day, everyday). The body appreciates variety: vegetables, leafy greens, whole, sprouted grains, different kinds of beans. I've read your posts and I find your diet alarming in this lack of variety / greens and over-reliance on sugars. There's also something about the repetition - the same meals all the time, that seems to be a red flag for something.

So that you stick with whatever changes you're attempting to make, you must address the feelings of being deprived, desperate, alone and all the rest. At least find a way to express these feelings fully, so that you're not expressing them through your diet, your relationships, financially, etc. If you need any tips on where to start, I'm happy to help, but I suggest reading/ learning a self-help skill like EFT, since it sounds like your challenges are emotional in nature.


peace,
Jade


Tigrebella,

I read through this thread and I just wanted to say that I think that Jade is right on w/ his advice about getting to the source of your depression/anxiety and healing yourself emotionally- the point he made about the repetition in your diet is especially poignant.

I have seen people close to me dealing with these very SERIOUS issues (depression/anxiety/panic attacks) (I just got off the phone with my dad who was crying (literally) because he has to get an MRI-- this is someone who has had CANCER and he says that having to get the MRI is the WORST thing that has ever happened to him (!) :(). Also, in reading your posts (PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO THIS) I feel sometimes like you are replacing one extreme (your previous very unhealthy diet) with another (eating basically the same "healthy" thing day in and day out). In my humble opinion everyone needs SOME variety to really enjoy life (and I truly don't think that you need to spend lots of money to enjoy variety). And, I know you are a very smart person but I also get the feeling from your posts that you rely too much on "research" and not enough on your OWN body/mind...intuition. Your vegan diet should help get in touch with those parts of yourself. I wish you so much luck and you know you have the support of everyone here!

I really don't mean to sound like a know-it-all... please don't take my comments that way. I just wanted to second what Jade said and offer support. I also want to emphasize that YOU have the power over every aspect of your life. You are not at the mercy of anyone or anything.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:54 pm 
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Rabbit
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Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
Wow...I feel like I'm basically getting bitched-out and accused here. :shock:

First off, my depression's getting better (slowly, but come on, I just started being Vegan just this month!), and I know I may have MANY emotional problems. As far as therapists/practitioners/etc. goes, I'm sure it's plain to see that my husband and I are just barely making it each month, and plus I don't agree with paying to see such "professionals" (due to reasons of my own which I choose not to explain). Also, my husband tried learning EFT (because he really wanted to help me), and I'm not too sure about it anymore...just seems like a placebo effect to me, as I've yet to experience any differences, so I'm not exactly thrilled about it.

Secondly, I know I can't eat pasta and sauce (or any meal) all day every day. I have been trying to get variety in. Trust me, after the 22 years I've spent eating every unhealthy thing immaginable, I am just slowly starting to learn to get more variety. But on the budget I have, I can't just rush out and switch up my whole diet in the blink of an eye, and then find out that my variety of foods don't even last me the whole month on my budget (and trust me, $150 a month, which is only $75 per person a month, does NOT go far! how many of you actually have that small of a budget?). It's common sense, I'm sure. I am just trying to play it smart and slowly change my diet. And where am I over-relying on sugars? If I remember correctly, I've been eating WAY less sugars than what I had before just recently turning Vegan. Keep in mind that if I were to totally avoid all sugars (except those in fruits), I'd end up turning back and gorging on mouthfuls of sugar (like I've done in the past). I'm trying to slowly get over my craving for sugar. As far as repetition of my diet, I think it's less of an alarm or red flag than the garbage I was stuffing my body with before I started this. And over time, it'll only get better. And I'm not replacing one extreme with another, but am slowly aiming toward my goal. Everyone must remember, before this month, I was always eating much much worse. I rarely had fresh raw fruits and vegetables to eat to my heart's content. I mostly ate dead cooked food that was always flavored strongly. I'm taking baby-steps. Think of it this way...just when starting to feed a baby solid foods, are you goona throw tons and tons of different foods in its face at once? NO! You're going to give a little variety at first, and then branch out to more variety! From all my research and past experience, I've come to find that yes, indeed, PATIENCE IS VIRTUE! I know from experience not to rush into things too quickly.

Third, I am slowly working (along with my husband) on getting to the problems of my depression and such. But as I've explained to my husband, it simply can't be rushed. Until you truely learn WHERE most of my depression comes from, you won't understand. Most of my depression is due to my weight. So what's my resolution to this problem? To handle my weight, THEN work more on my depression (IF it's not fully taken care of by then, due to losing sufficient weight). Ever notice that most overweight/obese people AREN'T happy and ARE depressed? I think that goes hand in hand, for the most part. I don't just mean I'm depressed with my looks, but also with more than just appearance (such as losing my breath while just beginning to exercise, not keeping up with my husband when we walk, etc.). I doubt my emotions have that much to do with my lack of exercise when I'm having such problems with my weight that I can barely exercise before getting completely exhausted. I think many will agree that if most of my depression comes from my weight, that it'd be best to pace myself and work on my physical health first. Especially since I'm not so depressed that I'd risk committing suicide or harming myself badly in any other way.

Forth, I don't rely too much on research. It may be perceived as "too much" by many, because how many people in our society today actually do research before jumping into everything they do? Besides, to have a mind of my own to say "even though this article says yes, and that one says no, in my mind I believe this one is more healthy" shows that I don't FULLY rely on research. But yes, I'll admit I do research. If not, I may be dead, or close to dead, right now. So yeah, I rather rely on researching into things than to push it all aside. But I never let it overcome my mind.

I dunno, maybe I'm just so tired and about ready for bed and just wasn't expecting to see all this, so excuse me for seeming a bit apprehensive even though I'm sure you all meant well. I just feel like I have to prove my case all the time (though, it seems like that on nearly all sites I go on). Maybe I'm just really tired right now, but I felt like I was being accused left and right. :cry:

Marcina wrote:
I've had depression and low self esteem for years and years.
Therapy can be pricey, and to get in to see a therapist that isn't expensive.. means being on a waiting list for a long time. I know you have a strict budget, as do I. I've never been able to receive good quality therapy as a result.
What I found helped a lot is exercise and a good diet. (Which you're now working on, and I'm proud of you!) When the bad feelings strike, it's important to talk to someone. Talk to your husband, a family member, a friend, or even one of us. You can always message me.
Many times I've hidden my feelings from the world, hoping they'd go away. They never do. This is why it's good to get those feelings out.
I sincerely hope you feel better soon :)


Thanks, Marcina!

Yes, I know. Sometimes, I find it's hard to talk to my husband. But many times, he'll get me to talk to him when I'm crying, and I just "spill my guts", so to speak. lol.

I admit, in the past, I used to ALWAYS hide my feelings from the world, thinking no one cared...and would end up being depressed and staying in my room all the time. It got to the point where I'd get really depressed, so had to see a psychiatrist. She ended up pushing more and more antidepressants on me, and I'd willingly accept them, thinking they must be able to help. I got worse, almost to the point of suicide. That's when I first met my husband online. He was quite the researcher and explained to me how drugs can't do anything, just mess with my mind, and that I needed to get off them. Since then, I never thought of suicide much, especially not to that extent. Though, due to my abusive father, when my husband and I actually met in person, I realized it was hard for me to show my feelings, as I had to hide them all the time in the past. Over time, I've gotten a lot better with expressing my feelings to him, though. :)

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:59 pm 
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Rabbit
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:29 am
Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
July 18, 2008

Breakfast: cucumber, celery, and carrot juice
Lunch: black bean and veggie soup
Mid-day Meal: black bean and veggie soup
Snack: sunflower seeds
Dinner: black bean and veggie soup, along with brown rice
Snack: 1 apple
Snack: 1 peach

Laxative tea again tonight!

I got a bit of a workout today. I did more cleaning and moved around some furniture. :D

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:28 am 
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Gorilla

Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:42 pm
Posts: 560
Location: Denver, CO.
Oh, oh! I really like July 18th!!
oh oh!! :P :P


You go girl :wink:

:boxer:

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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 7:19 am 
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Finch
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Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:30 pm
Posts: 6
Location: Bellows Falls, VT
Thanks for letting us know how you feel :o

You are right, of course - You're doing things in your own time and in your own way - and its great to hear your husband is so supportive.

I know you did not ask for any "personal training" here, so I wont offer any more of that. However, as a blogger, surely you must expect us to respond to what you're presenting, in our own ways.

As for EFT, the issues you are working through are complex. They require a sustained, specific EFT approach to be effective. I can offer some suggestions from my experience if you are interested.

peace,
Jade

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www.halcyonday.net


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 11:52 am 
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Elephant
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Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:35 am
Posts: 1168
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Sending you positive vibes to support your efforts.
It takes lifetimes to create our life habits, so I'm not surprised when it takes me a while to "turn this big boat around."
Your going to see lasting results from lasting practices.

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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:33 pm 
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Manatee
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Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:45 pm
Posts: 240
Location: phoenix, az
oh girly, First of all, I am so sorry :( I did not mean to make you feel picked on or bitched at, or accused of ANYTHING, AT ALL.

Like I said, I have seen many of my family members (including both of my parents) deal with these issues (depression/anxiety) which, FOR THEM, stemmed from abusive childhoods (my dad was physically, verbally, and even sexually abused by his mother and her "friends" and my mom watched her mother get beat up regularly by her father and was the victim of much verbal abuse)... so I guess I was just pained to see another soul dealing with these issues and I *felt* like you were devoting your energy to pushing through these problems with diet, rather than working on healing yourself INSIDE first... ya know what I mean? I shouldn't have assumed that you were dealing with the same stuff that my parents have dealt with. And just so you know, I wasn't suggesting that you spend lots of money on a therapist or anything... just that you take the time to look inside yourself and really heal emotionally AS WELL AS physically...because in MY EXPERIENCE depression and self loathing stems from somewhere deep within yourself (i.e. childhood trauma) and that is why weight gain happens in the first place, not out of stupidity and not knowing that you were unhealthy (because you are obviously too intelligent to have just not known any better). I was really just thinking more of self help kind of stuff-- I know just know that there were a few books that REALLY helped my mom heal and work through the pain of her childhood. If you would like to know more about them I would be happy to tell you, but I won't offer any more unsolicited advice :-#

Most importantly, I am so proud of the efforts that you have made and the progress! The bottom line is that a step in the right direction is a step in the right direction, period. Keep up the good work.

:thumbleft:

_________________
---megan---
http://www.myspace.com/ellaandfinnsmom
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
-Theodor Seuss Geisel


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:56 am 
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Rabbit
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:29 am
Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
andesuma wrote:
Oh, oh! I really like July 18th!!
oh oh!! :P :P

You go girl :wink:

:boxer:


lol, andesuma! Wait until you see what July 19th was like... :wink:

halcyonday wrote:
Thanks for letting us know how you feel :o

You are right, of course - You're doing things in your own time and in your own way - and its great to hear your husband is so supportive.

I know you did not ask for any "personal training" here, so I wont offer any more of that. However, as a blogger, surely you must expect us to respond to what you're presenting, in our own ways.

As for EFT, the issues you are working through are complex. They require a sustained, specific EFT approach to be effective. I can offer some suggestions from my experience if you are interested.

peace,
Jade


Well, I did ask for any tips and advice, but I never expected all of that. Sorry, I just get emotional at times and feel that people are either bitching me out, accusing me, or pushing things on me in a hurry...and I'm just one person, one shy sensitive person (who's slowly gaining confidence after a harsh past), so that was a whole lot for me to swallow! And as I said, I'm just taking things in moderation, rather than rushing and causing myself to fail. Don't worry, my husband and I are working things out, and we WILL get to the bottom of any emotional issues that may need to be addressed head-on, but only when that time comes.

As far as EFT goes, I'd rather not bother with it anymore at this time. Maybe another time, but for now I'd like to see just how much my body and diet can clear it up on its own over time. :)

John V wrote:
Sending you positive vibes to support your efforts.
It takes lifetimes to create our life habits, so I'm not surprised when it takes me a while to "turn this big boat around."
Your going to see lasting results from lasting practices.


Thanks! I appreciate the positive vibes! :D

veganmama wrote:
oh girly, First of all, I am so sorry :( I did not mean to make you feel picked on or bitched at, or accused of ANYTHING, AT ALL.

Like I said, I have seen many of my family members (including both of my parents) deal with these issues (depression/anxiety) which, FOR THEM, stemmed from abusive childhoods (my dad was physically, verbally, and even sexually abused by his mother and her "friends" and my mom watched her mother get beat up regularly by her father and was the victim of much verbal abuse)... so I guess I was just pained to see another soul dealing with these issues and I *felt* like you were devoting your energy to pushing through these problems with diet, rather than working on healing yourself INSIDE first... ya know what I mean? I shouldn't have assumed that you were dealing with the same stuff that my parents have dealt with. And just so you know, I wasn't suggesting that you spend lots of money on a therapist or anything... just that you take the time to look inside yourself and really heal emotionally AS WELL AS physically...because in MY EXPERIENCE depression and self loathing stems from somewhere deep within yourself (i.e. childhood trauma) and that is why weight gain happens in the first place, not out of stupidity and not knowing that you were unhealthy (because you are obviously too intelligent to have just not known any better). I was really just thinking more of self help kind of stuff-- I know just know that there were a few books that REALLY helped my mom heal and work through the pain of her childhood. If you would like to know more about them I would be happy to tell you, but I won't offer any more unsolicited advice :-#

Most importantly, I am so proud of the efforts that you have made and the progress! The bottom line is that a step in the right direction is a step in the right direction, period. Keep up the good work.

:thumbleft:


Thanks, and don't worry about it. No harm done. I can understand your concern, and trust me, this depression/anxiety/etc. has plagued me all my life. BUT, it has only started getting better since I met my wonderful husband! I'm learning to express myself more and slowly opening up more and more, after trying to hide myself and my problems for so many years. I'm not in such harm that I need to rush to fix my emotional problems, and I feel positive that I can fix most of my emotional problems with a better diet and major cleansing. (The only reason I say most, is because I do admit I will still need to work on some things, like fully trusting my husband when he says everything will be alright, as no amount of diet or cleansing can help me with that.)

And you're right, depression usually does stem from things such as childhood trauma, which is what much of it is like with me (from all my dad's abuse, mostly verbally about my weight). BUT, while I've been hurt since such a young age, I believe it was my parents' stupidity for my weight gain (no parent in their right mind should feed their child so many servings of toxic foods a day, and my parents especially went crazy feeding me such things as mac & cheese and expecting me to "clean my plate" and watching me eat bowl after bowl after bowl in one sitting, and keep passing me more, willingly). My parents were not smart in raising me, but I know I can change the weight problem if choosing the right diet, and finally live a healthier life. The most problem lies in trust/fear/etc., as my dad abused me physically as a child and verbally as a teen. And for that, my husband is helping me slowly get over it...we both agree that it's something that takes time.

So yeah, I find I'm aware of my emotional problems, and am talking with my husband about them. So, no worries...my emotional state is not to blame for my eating habits...I'm just slowly getting out of old eating habits. :lol:

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:07 am 
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Rabbit
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:29 am
Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
July 19, 2008

Breakfast: cucumber, celery, and carrot juice
Lunch: red bean and veggie soup
Mid-day Meal: red bean and veggie soup
Dinner: red bean and veggie soup
Snack: pistachios
Evening Meal: romaine lettuce and tomato salad with dressing (Once we use up the dressing, I'll try something better or eat salad plain, as my taste buds are now no longer liking the dressing! :shock: :lol: )
Snack: 1 apple
Snack: 1 peach

Laxative tea again tonight!

I walked 2 miles today! (We decided to go to the store to pick up something, but decided to also get nuts! My husband got peanuts, and I got pistachios! I soooo missed eating pistachios! lol! :popcorn: )

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:08 am 
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Rabbit
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:29 am
Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
July 20, 2008

Breakfast: celery and carrot juice
Lunch: red bean and veggie soup
Dinner: red bean and veggie soup
Snack: sunflower seeds
Evening Meal: romaine lettuce and tomato salad with dressing
Snack: 1 apple
Snack: 1 nectarine

Laxative tea again tonight! Last night of it (as I'm sure this makes a week of it already)!

No exercise today. I was too hot to move around much. The temperature was 96 degrees outside today, and due to us having only a window unit air conditioner that puts out very little air, it was just TOO hot and stuffy in our apartment today for me to do anything! :evil:

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:27 am 
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Elephant
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Joined: Mon Mar 10, 2008 10:39 pm
Posts: 2277
Location: BC Canada
I work out at nighttime when it cools down. Makes it hard to sleep though, if you're all riled up haha.
Early morning might work too, if you're one of those people that likes to get up at the crack of dawn. Early morning walks feel amazing! I tend to not work out as much in the summertime either since it's so hot. I walk to work, and by time I get there and do my shift I'm all stinky and sweaty. It's real attractive.. Lol


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:36 am 
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Rabbit
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:29 am
Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
Marcina wrote:
I work out at nighttime when it cools down. Makes it hard to sleep though, if you're all riled up haha.
Early morning might work too, if you're one of those people that likes to get up at the crack of dawn. Early morning walks feel amazing! I tend to not work out as much in the summertime either since it's so hot. I walk to work, and by time I get there and do my shift I'm all stinky and sweaty. It's real attractive.. Lol


Yeah, but...I do need to get back on schedule. :augenroller: Sheesh! I've been going to bed late recently! I really need to start going to bed earlier, because this late-night stuff will NOT be good if I end up getting a job when we move to Washington! lol. :lol:

Yeah, maybe I can get into early morning walks...as long as it's not too hot and stuffy. :evil: I don't know why, but when I'm hot and sweaty, I tend to itch...a LOT! My husband thinks it's toxins coming out with my sweat, and I suppose that may be it. But sheesh...it itches so much! And it doesn't take me much to get really hot and sweaty either!

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:42 am 
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Rabbit
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:29 am
Posts: 198
Location: Bellingham, Washington
July 21, 2008

Breakfast: celery and cucumber juice
Lunch: black bean and veggie soup
Dinner: black bean and veggie soup
Snack: sunflower seeds
Evening Meal: 1 slice of watermelon
Snack: 2 apples

No exercise again today.

This week's weight: 230 pounds (-6 pounds) :shock: Wow! Keep it coming! :boxer:
Starting weight: 240 pounds

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/tigrebella

Starting Weight: 240 pounds
Current Weight: 200 pounds
Goal Weight: < 180 pounds

"Listen to your mind, let your spirit free, and feel your body move with the rhythm of your life!"

"Let your body show you the way!"


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 Post subject: Re: I'm ready! Let's do this!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:31 am 
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Mastodon

Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:31 am
Posts: 4814
Location: eh?
Congrats on the weight loss, you're doing so well. The diet has improved a ton as well. My only recommendation is to add some flax seed in for omega 3's. :)

keep up the fantastic work.

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