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Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:45 am
by zinzen
Hiya, most of you kids know me pretty well on here, though I aint been posting much. Well recently I have finally allowed myself to say out loud that I am in fact addicted to just a wonderfully large assortment of mind altering substances and it is high time I do something about it. So as part of my recovery I am going to post here a journal of sorts, not every day mind you but enough for me to be held accountable for me, to well ...me.
Today starts my fifth day sober, five days out of 15 years of being high everyday, no exaggeration.
Tonight I sat in a house filled with people drinking and smoking dope while popping percocets and I am happy to say that while it was friggin hard I in fact remained sober :D
Since starting this shit I have twitched, cried, puked, froze and sweated and generally asked myself what the hell I thought I was doing anyways. I figure I have about 3 to 5 more days of the physical aspect of withdrawl, then its on to the ever so annoying aspect of mental anguish.
Well its bed time for now, got an AA meeting at 9:45am.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:04 am
by Octopussoir
Everytime you feel a craving do some sort of activity with your hands, workout! Im glad you have come out and are seeking help. We are here to help you with whatever we can buddy! Keep being sober! Nothing better than having control over your own mind and body.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:13 pm
by Fallen_Horse
zinzen wrote:Tonight I sat in a house filled with people drinking and smoking dope while popping percocets and I am happy to say that while it was friggin hard I in fact remained sober :D

Good job, but is there any way to not be around those people so much? IMO it's very hard to quit something when everyone around you is actively participating in it... :(

Either way, good luck on your journey and I'm sure you know that everyone here is with you and here to help in any way we can.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:18 pm
by zinzen
First off thanks to the both of you for your kind words and support.
Day 5 and everything is well, my body still freaking out, but food helps.
I have survived several crashes in my marriage the past few days, and that seems to be kosher for now.
Meeting was cool, nothing more really to say. Its the 4th, my 5th day of sobriety, with ragers and keggers and picnics of drunks, and smokers and tweekers all around the hood, ahh the ghetto has never been more trying and scary as today. Peace out people.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:32 pm
by DCNINJA
Dude, you're going great. I would lose the people who do things you don't want to do. Find five people you want to be like, and just hang around them. You will find yourself becoming more and more like them.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:35 pm
by robert
Great job Tom! Way to stick with it bro!

I echo DCNINJA...I know it's hard, it never is easy, but if you're able to break away from some of or all of the people who use the drugs you're trying to keep away from and spend more time around those doing the things you want to be doing, it will make being sober easier. It seems to work like that in a few areas of life.

All the best to you! Way to be consistent and care enough to make this change. Well done.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:41 pm
by Richard
I think it's a good decision. Being surrounded by it can make it tough. However, you will likely be more aware of any negative aspects of their behaviour and lifestyle if you are sober, and it may put you off further (potentially). Either that, or you can see it as a challenge, you see everyone else doing something, and you are not going to join in. Sometimes it can be a boost to feel like you are succeeding beyond what other people around you are doing

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 5:09 pm
by zinzen
I am all for natural progression, not to concerned about being around people doing dope every so often as long as thats not all I surround myself with, and naturally eventually it shall fade on to other people.
Thanks again everyone.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 7:04 pm
by VeganEssentials
Congrats on making the changes, Tom!

Sometimes we need to step back and realize that it's time to make some tough but necessary changes to take care of ourselves properly, so stay strong and know that you've always got our support! :D

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:50 am
by zinzen
day 6 has begun. I find it difficult at times, not to stay sober but to control the fact that I am now starting to feel. I have numbed myself, with reason, for so long, and now to begin to face what I have been hiding from is scary.
I find that so many cats use you, and when they dont get what they want its motherfuckyou, you dig. I have known this for eternity, but to now stand like a man and face the hellfire of shit, rage, hate and pain that gets thrown my way by people, and not have a sheild of drugs, well its rough.
Armed with only a sword of meditation, a dagger of breath, and the constant effort to stay present I charge into the night to battle those who try to bring me down, all in the vain attempt to kill em with kindness and love.
We have all at one point or another heard the serenity prayer, there is a way of saying it wrote by Rob Lind of Blood for Blood that I love best.


Please god grant me the serenity to know that the human race are all things good and all things evil at the same time for all time,
Grant me the courage and strength to do what I know is right, even though I know it is hopeless,
And above all grant me the wisdom to take it day by fucking day.

I shall leave this with all of you tonight,
Peace be with you.
-Tom

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:23 am
by robert
I admire your strength man....keep going. I'm really proud of you dude.

Have a great weekend.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:02 am
by zinzen
Off to a meeting, I dig the coffee, makes the process much easier.

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 10:24 am
by aryan
Here's a video that really helped me with my emotional eating (of course, now I'm intentionally eating a lot but regardless). Maybe it can help you too. I imagine you're doing drugs for the same reason I was emotional eating; because there's heavy stress in your life that you don't want to deal with. If so this video could really help you out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOJEkmsvz80

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:13 am
by Fallen_Horse
Remember that quitting a substance is like having a breakup. It's REALLY hard in the beginning, but it gets easier and easier with time. Day 6 might seem pretty tough, but tomorrow will be a bit better and the next day will be a bit better than that one, etc. The beginning is always the worst...

Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:34 pm
by Marcina
Battling an addiction is a huge challenge, and I applaud you for deciding to go clean! We're all proud of you and rooting for you.

Remember, we're all here to talk if you ever need to :)