Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

Vegan Joe · **Posted:** Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:51 pm

From MA

Adapted from 1991 issues of MA's newsletter © A New Leaf

The Story of the Lotus Eaters
About 3000 years ago, the poet Homer told a story about a man called Odysseus, and his travels as he returned home to Greece from the Trojan Wars. He and his men met up with many adventures along the way, but the one I always remembered was when he and his crew landed on the island of the Lotus Eaters.

It was a beautiful island and Odysseus wanted to stay there a while and rest up. So he sent a couple of scouts to see if the natives were friendly. He waited and waited, but the scouts never came back.

What had happened was that they'd met up with the locals, The Lotus Eaters, who shared their food with the scouts. But their food, the lotus, was a kind of dope, and the scouts got wasted and forgot all about their mission, about going back to Greece, and everything. All they wanted to do was hang out and get high.

Lucky for them, Odysseus came and dragged them back to the ship kicking and screaming, and tied them to their seats and the crew rowed like hell, in case someone else ate the lotus and forgot the way home.

The story of Odysseus is more than just a story about a Greek guy in a boat. It's a story about the journey of our lives, and the obstacles we run into along the way. And for us dopeheads, the story of the Lotus Eaters is our particular lesson. As addicts, we got stuck in a Lotus Land, and we forgot the mission, forgot the other adventures that awaited us, forgot about going home.

Luckily, we each had within us our own Odysseus, our own Higher Power, who grabbed us by the collar and threw us back into the boat. So now we're rowing like hell. We may not know what's going to come next, but we're back on our way again.

Vegan Joe · **Posted:** Sun Jul 05, 2009 9:03 pm

The beginning of the Conclusion from

WALDEN
By Henry David Thoreau

Has alway given me reason to question my place in my lifes journey.

Conclusion
To the sick the doctors wisely recommend a change of air and scenery. Thank Heaven, here is not all the world. The buckeye does not grow in New England, and the mockingbird is rarely heard here. The wild goose is more of a cosmopolite than we; he breaks his fast in Canada, takes a luncheon in the Ohio, and plumes himself for the night in a southern bayou. Even the bison, to some extent, keeps pace with the seasons cropping the pastures of the Colorado only till a greener and sweeter grass awaits him by the Yellowstone. Yet we think that if rail fences are pulled down, and stone walls piled up on our farms, bounds are henceforth set to our lives and our fates decided. If you are chosen town clerk, forsooth, you cannot go to Tierra del Fuego this summer: but you may go to the land of infernal fire nevertheless. The universe is wider than our views of it.

Yet we should oftener look over the tafferel of our craft, like curious passengers, and not make the voyage like stupid sailors picking oakum. The other side of the globe is but the home of our correspondent. Our voyaging is only great-circle sailing, and the doctors prescribe for diseases of the skin merely. One hastens to southern Africa to chase the giraffe; but surely that is not the game he would be after. How long, pray, would a man hunt giraffes if he could? Snipes and woodcocks also may afford rare sport; but I trust it would be nobler game to shoot one's self.—

"Direct your eye right inward, and you'll find
A thousand regions in your mind
Yet undiscovered. Travel them, and be
Expert in home-cosmography."

zinzen · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:52 am

Day 6 is done kids. I am remembering my way. I feel more myself then myself has felt. And as a wise all knowing Tom once felt this same way before the dark knight of my hell took over I know that once I feel good the hard times come. Must guard myself. But I have never actually taken the decision to end all of this, and usually once I put my foot down shit is usually squashed.
Peace out people, its late and I got some more breathing to do tomorrow.

bronco · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:10 am

Solid decision, stay strong.

zinzen · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:26 am

I awake for day 7 feeling hung over, it seems every day I am sober I awake with this feeling, quite disturbing.
Wife slept in, though she didnt blame me, things are getting real good between us again ever since this choice.
I find it strange that for 15yrs I have been doping myself up everyday to stop this pain inside my soul and as of right now it seems that pain has been the dope.
Well let me say that different. There is nothing on gods green earth wrong with some marijuana, the drug I used to dig. NOTHING. there is just something about me that does not go well with drugs. I fiend, I obsess, I need to have something to alter my mood or I think of nothing else. So now that I have freed myself of that, well I am feeling mucho better.

xveganjoshx · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:38 pm

Great decision!

Stick with it, it gets easier with time. The first month - 3 months is always the hardest, after that it gets easier and easier.

Dissociating with that lifestyle helps too. Maybe consider stopping hanging out with those people who are smoking pot and poppin percs. At least for a little bit.

Feel free to shoot me a pm if you wanna talk.

-Josh

zinzen · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:43 pm

Thanks everyone, day 7 is going well. luckly I have learned to meditate through the fog of an intoxicated mind. much easier when sober, helps a lot.
Ahh Mindful living, good shits it is.

xjohanx · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:51 pm

Good luck dude! :boxer:

zinzen · **Posted:** Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:11 pm

1 week sober, 1 week in 15 years, my god how in the fuck did it take 15 years to find the solution to my immediate misery, how did I get in a circle of taking drugs to kill my hatred only to find it was the drugs making me hate?
fuck.

mikkei · **Posted:** Tue Jul 07, 2009 8:53 am

1 week! Congratulations! I think you can stick with this man! Don't give up!

zinzen · **Posted:** Tue Jul 07, 2009 1:43 pm

Day 8 is actually kinda hard strangly enough. I think its cause I had to run around a lot, and someone took a pic of my wife yesterday and now she thinks someone is to kill her and that sucks. I think shes nuts but its cool. and now I have to drive 3 hrs, first long drive sober, so we will see how this goes right. Going to be in New York tonight.

HCPinGviini · **Posted:** Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:40 pm

Tom, you're one of the most precious cats in this whole mindfucked world.

Hope everything goes kosher for you.

zinzen · **Posted:** Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:55 pm

Well if that wasn't just the sweetest thing ever said.

DCNINJA · **Posted:** Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:04 am

Tom, you're doing great. Keep it up. Remember who you want to be.

CollegeB · **Joined:** Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm **Posts:** 2785

Keep up your hard work and focus Tom and also just take it one day at a time. When I was going through a similar situation I later appreciated the mental clarity and being in touch with myself. Ever read Dharma Punx? It was really inspirational.

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