Rest today. A bit under 8 1/2 hours sleep. Time to rest. (:
Today I want to add a new part to my log. Something I am working on very hard. Ever since I was little dealing with my medical condition and with my relentless peers caused a lot of distress to me, to the point where I developed anger issues. Anger issues I am still dealing with today. I can become relentless, angry, cruel, and mean when I lose control. I am guilty of not being a nice man at times.
This is not right. This is a bastardization of how my mother raised me, and what this society needs is not another jerk, but a gentle soul to guide people along and nudge them in the right direction.
With a new blossoming relationships in my life I've begun to gain control of my emotions. I am finding a deeper sense of inner peace and control and I have made it my goal to keep it this way.
Typing this out helps me because I am learning what helps me gain control and what doesn't. Forcing an un natural demeanor seems to work for a while, then it builds up and I snap again. Hiding my true personality behind a bubbly exterior is just as much of a lie as being a mean grouch. Telling people how it is, it is not me being mean, but just a clause of my personality, I am very straight forward and often times while correcting my anger issues I have surpressed this. The more I let my true self shine out, the more days I get under my belt of being patient, clam, and compassionate, the easier it gets.
I attribute this to a woman who has entered my life. I am now finding it much easier to hold true to the path and correct my emotional issues and I want to document it here to help me hash it out in writing.
Thanks for reading my log guys. Love you all.
Live cautiously to make it safely to death