Chuck Norris

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dontxhide
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Chuck Norris

#1 Postby dontxhide » Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:13 pm

Id thought Id make a fun thread here.

As you all know, contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Also that he is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Anyways. This stuff never gets old. I DISLIKE CHUCK NORRIS WITH A PASSION, but I still get a kick out of these jokes. (pun intended!)

You dont know how many times people told me he could kick Bruce Lee's ass. UGH. I had to convince them with proof that Bruce Lee was so good he actually trained Chuck Norris.
I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. ~Bruce Lee

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Re: Chuck Norris

#2 Postby dontxhide » Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:13 pm

Ha!

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. ~Bruce Lee

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Richard
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Re: Chuck Norris

#3 Postby Richard » Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:35 am

Chuck Norris can run so fast that he doesn't need to move because he's already there

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he bench-presses the Earth

If Chuck Norris arm-wrestled himself, he wouldn't lose, he would win twice
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Re: Chuck Norris

#4 Postby xjohanx » Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:22 am

Love it. Keep them coming.

cubby2112 wrote:When someone says you don't train "functionally," you should just punch them in the face. Ask them how "functional" of a movement that was.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#5 Postby pazios2002 » Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:56 pm

If I am "the man", then where is "the woman"?

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Re: Chuck Norris

#6 Postby tommybricks » Sun Jan 11, 2009 1:09 pm

I'm pretty sure these jokes started on something awful. Can anyone back that up?
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Re: Chuck Norris

#7 Postby I'm Your Man » Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:04 pm

I don't wanted to start a new topic just for this so I used the popularity of Chuck Norris to have your attention lol :

for those interested tonight at Montreal's Bell Centre there's IBF championship boxing match for super-lights Hermann Ngoudjo Vs Juan Urango.
Of course you can't be there but I know it's showed live on the web there http://www.radio-canada.ca/sports/ at 10:30 east time...in French... But probably you can see this match on some sports channel on tv.

I'm for Ngoudjo of course because he's from Montreal, but I think this fight will be interesting because he had a particularily intense preparation for this fight, he trained in high altitude with low oxygen, an hardcore training with many new and scientific methods supposed to improve the athlete's skills and performance, he was under the supervision of a legendary trainer who trained 20 world champions in boxing :)
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Re: Chuck Norris

#8 Postby RobertSupreme » Fri Jan 30, 2009 6:19 pm

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

These are classic! :P
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Re: Chuck Norris

#9 Postby robert » Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:30 am

I invented a bunch of mine own years ago, but my favorite was:

"Chuck's alphabet has 27 letters in it." - Robert Cheeke

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Re: Chuck Norris

#10 Postby sosso » Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:48 am

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#11 Postby thendanisays » Sun Feb 01, 2009 3:05 am

when chuck norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. the water gets chuck norris'd.
the beginning is always today.

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Re: Chuck Norris

#12 Postby robert » Sun Feb 01, 2009 3:33 am

dani.....that is a good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Re: Chuck Norris

#13 Postby beforewisdom » Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:35 am

I flipped through a book by Chuck Norris on political issues a few weeks ago. He is so far right reading his ideas is almost like reading something from a cult leader. If you don't believe me you can check out the wikipedia page on him for a taste of it. I thought his movies were terrible, but I really enjoyed his show "Walker Texas Ranger". It saddens me that his view points are so extreme.

He would certainly see anyone on this forum as being extreme and sick.

"The plural of anecdote is not data." (Roger Brinner)

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Re: Chuck Norris

#14 Postby dontxhide » Fri Feb 06, 2009 1:53 pm

Beforewisdom: I know. I never read about them but some of my friends told me. I remember only liking only one movie of his when I was a kid but I can't remember what it was lol! Then Bruce Lee took over all my attention and has since.

"Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it."

Oh #%@*! That's classic haha! I almost laughed out loud! :)
I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. ~Bruce Lee


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