Coconut works miracles on your ass

All topics relating to health, diet, nutrition programs and any questions you might have about general health.

Moderators: Mini Forklift Ⓥ, C.O., Richard, robert, SyrLinus

Message
Author
User avatar
Richard
Site Admin
Posts: 6064
Age: 34
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm
Location: England
Contact:

Coconut works miracles on your ass

#1 Postby Richard » Wed Jun 14, 2006 2:49 pm

I was looking at nutritional information for coconut as I have recently realised how tasty it is. I came across this website with tonnes of really intense information on coconuts! Check it out, it's like it's magical or something...

http://www.coconutresearchcenter.org/

Kills viruses that cause influenza, herpes, measles, hepatitis C, SARS, AIDS, and other illnesses.

Kills bacteria that cause ulcers, throat infections, urinary tract infections, gum disease and cavities, pneumonia, and gonorrhea, and other diseases.

Kills fungi and yeasts that cause candidiasis, ringworm, athlete's foot, thrush, diaper rash, and other infections.

Expels or kills tapeworms, lice, giardia, and other parasites.

Provides a nutritional source of quick energy.

Boosts energy and endurance, enhancing physical and athletic performance.

Improves digestion and absorption of other nutrients including vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.

Improves insulin secretion and utilization of blood glucose.

Relieves stress on pancreas and enzyme systems of the body.

Reduces symptoms associated with pancreatitis.

Helps relieve symptoms and reduce health risks associated with diabetes.

Reduces problems associated with malabsorption syndrome and cystic fibrosis.

Improves calcium and magnesium absorption and supports the development of strong bones and teeth.

Helps protect against osteoporosis.

Helps relieve symptoms associated with gallbladder disease.

Relieves symptoms associated with Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, and stomach ulcers.

Improves digestion and bowel function.

Relieves pain and irritation caused by hemorrhoids.

Reduces inflammation.

Supports tissue healing and repair.

Supports and aids immune system function.

Helps protect the body from breast, colon, and other cancers.

Is heart healthy; improves cholesterol ratio reducing risk of heart disease.

Protects arteries from injury that causes atherosclerosis and thus protects against heart disease.

Helps prevent periodontal disease and tooth decay.

Functions as a protective antioxidant.

Helps to protect the body from harmful free radicals that promote premature aging and degenerative disease.

Does not deplete the body's antioxidant reserves like other oils do.

Improves utilization of essential fatty acids and protects them from oxidation.

Helps relieve symptoms associated with chronic fatigue syndrome.

Relieves symptoms associated with benign prostatic hyperplasia (prostate enlargement).

Reduces epileptic seizures.

Helps protect against kidney disease and bladder infections.

Dissolves kidney stones.

Helps prevent liver disease.

Is lower in calories than all other fats.

Supports thyroid function.

Promotes loss of excess weight by increasing metabolic rate.

Is utilized by the body to produce energy in preference to being stored as body fat like other dietary fats.

Helps prevent obesity and overweight problems.

Applied topically helps to form a chemical barrier on the skin to ward of infection.

Reduces symptoms associated the psoriasis, eczema, and dermatitis.

Supports the natural chemical balance of the skin.

Softens skin and helps relieve dryness and flaking.

Prevents wrinkles, sagging skin, and age spots.

Promotes healthy looking hair and complexion.

Provides protection form damaging effects of ultraviolet radiation form the sun.

Helps control dandruff.

Does not form harmful by-products when heated to normal cooking temperature like other vegetable oils do.

Has no harmful or discomforting side effects.

Is completely non-toxic to humans.
Image

CollegeB
Elephant
Posts: 2783
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm

#2 Postby CollegeB » Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:11 pm

ive gotta go buy a coconut now!

Kathryn
Elephant
Posts: 1484
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 12:23 pm
Location: Illinois

#3 Postby Kathryn » Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:20 pm

I was just thinking of starting a thread on coconut.

I've been using coconut oil topically for a couple months (it really helped heal a nasty poison ivy patch on my face that made me look like a burn victim) and more recently internally, have found some very nice coconut products.

My latest favorite is "raw coconut dream" from www.livingtreecommunity.com . This stuff is orgasmically delicious! It's made from young coconut, freshly harvested and chopped up, then pressed within an hour. It's like a cross between a very good quality coconut oil (the kind that smells like coconut) and shredded coconut. I haven't figured out quite what to do with it yet, so I've been eating it by the fingerful (I just grab some when I pass the jar).

Now, where are the 'ass benefits' you hinted to in your title? Maybe I read your post too quickly and missed them. (Does it have anything to do with stuffing two coconuts down the back of your pants to fake firm glutes?)

User avatar
Richard
Site Admin
Posts: 6064
Age: 34
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm
Location: England
Contact:

#4 Postby Richard » Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:24 pm

You have to rub coconut oil onto your buttocks, and it firms it up real nice and also makes a pleasant fragrance. Also if you put a bit of coconut oil onto toilet paper after you have engaged in a lavatory-related activity, it is very nice and regulates your anus.
Image

User avatar
mooguru1
Rabbit
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 2:10 pm
Location: San Diego, CA

#5 Postby mooguru1 » Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:23 pm

Richard wrote:You have to rub coconut oil onto your buttocks, and it firms it up real nice and also makes a pleasant fragrance. Also if you put a bit of coconut oil onto toilet paper after you have engaged in a lavatory-related activity, it is very nice and regulates your anus.



:shock:
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.

Rain Forrest
Rabbit
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:09 pm

#6 Postby Rain Forrest » Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:37 pm

Really????

User avatar
Richard
Site Admin
Posts: 6064
Age: 34
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm
Location: England
Contact:

#7 Postby Richard » Thu Jun 15, 2006 4:37 am

Alas, my second post is fictional. But my original post is serious. It does say though that coconut is good for the skin. But by 'your ass' I had just meant 'you' because I am from the ghetto and that's how we speak here when we're not stealing car stereos and G-riding and pimping yo momz etc
Image

Kathryn
Elephant
Posts: 1484
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 12:23 pm
Location: Illinois

#8 Postby Kathryn » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:27 am

Richard wrote: But by 'your ass' I had just meant 'you' because I am from the ghetto and that's how we speak here when we're not stealing car stereos and G-riding and pimping yo momz etc


Ah, these modern idioms.

Now, if you had said "Coconut is 'the bee's knees' or 'the cat's meow,' I wouldn't have misunderstood. :lol: :wink:

Coconut oil does make a great massage oil (so other people can work it into your ass skin). Even when the room temp is cool and the oil has solifdified, it's liquid at body temp.

User avatar
Crash
Elephant
Posts: 1484
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: USA

#9 Postby Crash » Thu Jun 15, 2006 1:23 pm

I'm glad you clarified your post Richard, as I tried some coconut in my smoothie today -- and my ass still looks the same. :shock: :P
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

No human can call themselves liberal or radical or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if they contribute in any way to the pain and suffering of other beings.

http://www.myspace.com/cjdcrash

User avatar
Raw Ambition
Rabbit
Posts: 184
Joined: Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:09 pm
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba

#10 Postby Raw Ambition » Thu Jun 15, 2006 2:47 pm

Well thank you SO much for waiting for so long to tell us that the second post was a fib. Been rubbing coconut on my ass for 3 days now!! do you know what it's like to be chased around an apartment by a coconut hungry cat??

but boy does my ass have a nice "glow" to it. I think I'm going to try to become a butt model. I have the right body type for it. I'm known in some circles as "un-butt" or perhaps "The man with no ass"

Let's just say that I create a paradox of the universe whenever I wear my ass-less chaps. Earthquakes, fires... it's freaky-doo
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

compassionategirl
Stegosaurus
Posts: 3110
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm

#11 Postby compassionategirl » Thu Jun 15, 2006 3:00 pm

Raw Ambition wrote:Well thank you SO much for waiting for so long to tell us that the second post was a fib. Been rubbing coconut on my ass for 3 days now!! do you know what it's like to be chased around an apartment by a coconut hungry cat??

but boy does my ass have a nice "glow" to it. I think I'm going to try to become a butt model. I have the right body type for it. I'm known in some circles as "un-butt" or perhaps "The man with no ass"

Let's just say that I create a paradox of the universe whenever I wear my ass-less chaps. Earthquakes, fires... it's freaky-doo


:lachmal:
People reviled today for their activism will be tomorrow's angels, and people respected today for their power will be tomorrow's demons. History will absolve us and condemn them. ~ Paul Watson

Kathryn
Elephant
Posts: 1484
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 12:23 pm
Location: Illinois

#12 Postby Kathryn » Thu Jun 15, 2006 3:55 pm

Raw Ambition wrote: Been rubbing coconut on my ass for 3 days now!!

Just be careful not to use too much: don't want you slipping off the toilet seat when doing your duty!

CollegeB
Elephant
Posts: 2783
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm

#13 Postby CollegeB » Thu Jun 15, 2006 5:59 pm

I think im going to duct tape one half on each cheek (might need to trim them donw a bit since they are very cup like now). But I think after I leave them on for a week, my ass should look great. This is guaranteed right richard? I guess even if it doesnt work the ass protection alone is great. I can fall down and not sustain brusies, and getting kicked in the rump wont matter at all.

User avatar
Richard
Site Admin
Posts: 6064
Age: 34
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm
Location: England
Contact:

#14 Postby Richard » Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:40 pm

CollegeB wrote:I think im going to duct tape one half on each cheek (might need to trim them donw a bit since they are very cup like now). But I think after I leave them on for a week, my ass should look great. This is guaranteed right richard? I guess even if it doesnt work the ass protection alone is great. I can fall down and not sustain brusies, and getting kicked in the rump wont matter at all.


Yes it is 100% guaranteed! Be sure to remove them when you use the lavatory though.
Image

User avatar
Raw Ambition
Rabbit
Posts: 184
Joined: Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:09 pm
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba

#15 Postby Raw Ambition » Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:27 am

Kathryn wrote:
Raw Ambition wrote: Been rubbing coconut on my ass for 3 days now!!

Just be careful not to use too much: don't want you slipping off the toilet seat when doing your duty!


All I can say is "stirrups" or better yet, "slingshot" Ahhhh!! now we're talking!
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants


Return to “Health & Nutrition Programs”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests