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Comedy Battle


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I cut down fools with my machete. You betty believe that I got plenty of energy, because I'm jason voorhees. I grab the mic then I put a spike up your ass. I'm not that fast but I come from the past. I'm a reanimated corpse, I rose from the dead so give me some applause. That rhyme was too much, I'll grind you into fudge. This one time I cut a guy in half at the waist. It was awesome, I know homies want to paste my posters on they wall because they want to be like their nigga voorhees. Please, I can't be beat. Literally, it is impossible. Freddy stabbed me in the eye, it just made me chuckle. I wanna fight superman, or hulk. They are both punks, they are too scared to feature in my movies. I cut off your mom's boobies. Fools try to come to my lake, that's the last mistake they'll make. It bugs me because I have OCD. I like stuff organized, but still people come to see me. I can't stand their footsteps on my grass and my water. This one time I killed a guy and his daughter. You'd think that with all the murders people would stay home, but instead they come here and get an axe to the dome. It's not like it's my fault, I just work here. If I hadn't been reanimated I'd be dead at the end of the pier

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  • 6 months later...
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Hey I have not seen the vh1 show next white rapper yet but i heard its funny. Robert you need to hear more if you think I am that good...but thanks man I appreciate it.

Hey Jason Voorheel or whatever your name is that last one was pretty entertaining.

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I'll admit I don't watch a lot of TV. I actually don't watch any. But you were tight the other night man. I gotta her more of that stuff. I thought I was OK at it, but I struggled big time when the pressure was on, but you carried it through.

 

Man, looking back on here, we had some good stuff going in this battle over the past year or more.

 

When I get the time I'll bring back the rhyme.

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Okay this is comedy,that last guy reminded me of how in my youth jason spooked the trauma ottah me. And for nights I couldnt sleep, awake in bed freddys not dead and my cousins lived on elm street. Such a fright with my night bright for a night light, I was tucked in teddy rukspin by this little guys side.

So F freddy, Jason, the kazakstani town rapist, the butcher the baker and the pink racoon raper, F GeorgeBush he makes me not want to read the paper scraper of tag lines my flows vapor when I spit. All other wanna be vegan, comedian, rapper peons dont exist next to this shit explicit when I kit fits like tantrums and clown bums beat those chums down like hand drums better bow down when the sound of this man comes Bump BUM!

 

You have the asshole of a 7 year old...jajjajajajjajaaaaaaaaaaaa

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I went to colorado to explore

Actually I went to snowboard and without a job pass i cant afford a lift score.

I get bored.

Hangin at nick's chick's store, I cants take shit no more.

I slid tryin not ta twist my twiggs, skiddin on the icey strip in my nicely dressed kicks.

Pricey to afford shoes with grips in Aspen's hoiwty toiwt cit.

One interview down hope not many to go.

This bitter dudes down can't cope without jibbin' the snow.

Need vitamin D lights out by 430

X-games finally somethin' to excite this ol dirty..

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  • 3 weeks later...

We should change this thread name

From comedy, to all about me.

Probably, should now be called CO-ology.

Follow me, through pages of rhyme food collard greens.

On the first I tried to flirt as a comedy host

Then kegan came back tryin ta high post.

Page 2 Pair-I and I tried to throw more down

Then a brit ninja arrived with boxer shorts turned brown.

3rd page a miss commune about respectin chicks

And veganMadre threw up a feminine fist pissed.

Then 4, Keeg comes back with a quick score

and writes enough rhymes to fill an f-in' thick book store.

And then some more vegan kids show up on the fifth

They dropped some scripts and showed the sites participationship.

Last is the 6th and Jason tried to flip a spit

I came back about myself as a rediculous kid.

I'm by myself on this thread now I must admit

piece by piece bit by bit I tried to save the shit

I made a move to skate tricks but i ate pavement.

Should have quit but face it I'm too sick to stay complacent.

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I piss on your grave because I don't need to shave. I've been dead for years, living in a forest like Ray Mears. I've got no beard, but I'm just as feared as Chuck Norris. I'll make porridge out of your lungs. I eat your face and your eyes come out in my dung. I bung harpoons at your ass, I took Scorpion to class. Mortal Kombat didn't want Voorhees, because nobody had a fatality that could finish me. Subzero tried to step, he pulled my head off which he kept. But my body was alive, and I got him in the piledrive. Re-attached my head, Subby wasn't dead, instead he was bitching "That hurt, my hands are twitching". I didn't say anything because I can't speak. I put my machete through his skull, gave him a beak. At my peak I killed 156 people with one punch. I don't care if columbo has a hunch, I lunge at his salty ass and suplex him onto a glass table. He'll have one more question I'm sure. This one time I executed 'The Cure'. I don't like em, whiny little brats. Stuck them in the neck with a nail bat.

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Jason thanks for the statements participation engagements

in the foul but not flaigrant

freestyles from the basement patience--

is a virtue i hurt dudes that try to work weak blurbs bookoo

Im used to, battling kids that tryin flip after curfew

I'm nerd school old and worked through

fight solo but i merk crews

whats words worth to you

I break with more pain than givin birth do

actually I cant really say

that may draw a pay back any way i replay that I just slayed my a-trak..

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm so sick hip hop sent me a couple balloons

They read "hey mutha fucka hope ya get well soon"

I spoon chicklets

if thats what it take for me ta swoon bitches

I dig ditches in ladies britches with my broom stick 10 inches.

I can't be vegan when Ingest juices femanine

reminded im a carnavore when I taste the reminace

sex breath over breakfast

These rhymes a lil over the top

But this CO I take a "no" like the cops

My flow's only slowed by effects of global warming

But im chill theres no warning when I'm cold war brain storming

I change normally

Actually I lie I wear the same pants until my jeans start to form to me

I do change my verse abnormally

Just jive to Jackass jokes until jail joltz me down and jacks my sanity

Sanity doesnt start with J I'm not handy

Oh the rhyme sceme changed now I hope your understandin' me.

Throw out the first now its time for tryin' plan b

Mad you lost your woman but more man you found your woman & me

In your house and she changed the locks for your keys

I'll be steadily bringin' medleys bread and forced fed to ya head readily

Become a vegan only if I'm ever smeared at battle rappin

But If I win I'll be treatin ya ta' seared salmon captain.

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  • 3 months later...
  • 3 months later...

So if anyone would like to do some more silly/funny/mean/whatever rhymes I would love it. I know Robert would too. Here I will try and get creative and freestyle a bit and maybe get peoples balls rolling.

 

I wonder if Robert even read this.

What a funny word red is

when spelt correct with the inten-shins of non-color information transmits.

Hope the lime light don't dull his shine since he became the vegan elvis.

spread the good word about the evil in curds, and way, way over the gay rainbow there will be more people eatin' four leaf clovers then four legged soldiers.

Lets just pretend people call cows soldiers for the sake of rhyme I'm just a mime with a keyboard ;o) need more?

we poor seekers of a rhyme tweeker are in need of a cheap score?

Ut-oh! a drug innuendo

The straight edge on this sight won't catch it right but we can still be friends though.

I send Ho's.

Through the mail with a stamp that says "fragile but bendable."

Let me begin by sayin' ho's is expendable.

Like how I use big words with bad grammer to keep my street speak credible?

My words are not eatable.

But yet some still manage to bite thats not right is it?

Stealing this shit-biscuit of a talent.

But I keep feeding the mouth of beast to keep balance.

I wanted to to end this with a big bang like a comet

but I ran out of bullets that had your name writ on it...

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So if anyone would like to do some more silly/funny/mean/whatever rhymes I would love it. I know Robert would too. Here I will try and get creative and freestyle a bit and maybe get peoples balls rolling.

 

I wonder if Robert even read this.

What a funny word red is

when spelt correct with the inten-shins of non-color information transmits.

Hope the lime light don't dull his shine since he became the vegan elvis.

spread the good word about the evil in curds, and way, way over the gay rainbow there will be more people eatin' four leaf clovers then four legged soldiers.

Lets just pretend people call cows soldiers for the sake of rhyme I'm just a mime with a keyboard ;o) need more?

we poor seekers of a rhyme tweeker are in need of a cheap score?

Ut-oh! a drug innuendo

The straight edge on this sight won't catch it right but we can still be friends though.

I send Ho's.

Through the mail with a stamp that says "fragile but bendable."

Let me begin by sayin' ho's is expendable.

Like how I use big words with bad grammer to keep my street speak credible?

My words are not eatable.

But yet some still manage to bite thats not right is it?

Stealing this shit-biscuit of a talent.

But I keep feeding the mouth of beast to keep balance.

I wanted to to end this with a big bang like a comet

but I ran out of bullets that had your name writ on it...

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Gangsta vegan Rap

 

I'm a Vegan Yo, Whatcha gonna do?

Gonna lecture me about protein? Foo!

And what's this shit about the cryin tomato?

Hell man you must be slow.

Crazy meat eaters you're insane.

Sayin stupid shit that boggles the brain.

Well let me tell ya a bit about me,

Gonna lay it down and set free.

 

I'm a cold blooded killa there. This aint no joke.

I beat the shit out of an Artichoke.

Just the other day I made my Spinach cry,

by making him bleed in my Stir Fry.

You may be shoked by the things I Do,

But let me tell ya friend I aint no Tofoo.

 

Vegan's come in every Variety.

We are our own society.

So don't think we're all Hippies.

Becouse you'll get punched in yo yippies.

 

I'm a cold blooded killa there. This aint no joke.

I beat the shit out of an Artichoke.

Just the other day I made my Spinach cry,

by making him bleed in my Stir Fry.

You may be shoked by the things I Do,

But let me tell ya friend I aint no Tofoo.

 

 

 

More to come. This is not even the best I can come up with. Took me maybe 6 minutes.

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Nice one participant lets see if more follow your lead.

 

 

I can't say that I felt that one.

You look like some rabbit had sex with Elton John.

do you swing batawns?

I bet you swing both ways with a pink flag out in ya lawn.

Sorry Im not trying to discriminate.

This is a battle not a damn debate.

Get it straight I innovate.

Dont care if your gay or straight I will deflate your traits.

 

Late,

 

-co

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C.O. is back in action!

 

What's up baby? I'll holla atcha soon, I've been busy since before you wake up til noon, then it's hemp and flax oil with a spoon and 12 more hours of work to do.

 

I'm out cuz it's time to get some food, get me in da mood to take on Gangrel and the whole brood, ya'll don't even know who rolls in my crew.

 

Peace out ya'll. Keep it funny.

 

Cheeke

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'll cut your arms off like it's Christmas for breakfast. I bash your face against a wall until your freaking head busts. You can eat your crusts, then I'll turn you into dust - yes I've got it sussed, the only thing to trust is that I'll snap your knees backwards like they were dry spaghetti. I'm immortal, you're human, I even battled Freddy. I'll grate your face off and feed it to your pets. Stab you in the chest, pull it out and watch a jet of blood splash across the floor, I've seen it all before, I grab you by your neck and slam your head inside the door. Wait for you to wake, rip your skin off with a rake, I'll drag your ass to the oven, now it's time to shake and bake. I'll cook you in a pie, but I won't let you die. You'll jump out at dinner, give your family a surprise, with your mangled face and bones - you've been completely owned. I left mousetraps on the floor so you'll catch them on your toes.

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Nice! CO, you just got served and it's what you deserved, you keep bringing the funny and I'll snap you like a toy bunny I call honey, and it'll bring me money, which is what I need to feed my greed and my creed and my breed of the human race, I'm on pace to discrace your face with this can of mace that I'm sprayin, listen to the words that I'm sayin, and you'll be prayin but there's no God, even if you give a damn, I'm the man to tell you what's up and for me the door's open and for you it's just shut..... like your mouth.

 

word to ya mutha.

 

Cheeke

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  • 1 month later...

First of all I am so excited this thread is still here!!

 

AND just to comment

I never got served by the basic rhyme scheme vomit that wanna be horror film culprit spit

or by any nonsense said by that silly rabbit.

Rhyme tricks are for CO.

I breath in intelligent flow

like a desperate hobo will snort counterfit blow

Robert don't try to be bigger than Dil- lan.

All your rhymes are from the suger hill gang.

I verbally murder bad poets

and send em back to re-read bits of edgar allen poes scripts.

HEY mister vorheels if that is your real name

I got you on your toes froze you wait to feel pain

Then I stole your sword and spliced your nose you felt the steel frame

Then I locked you in a box so you could have a veal's shame.

 

 

Served? CO? hahahaha not on this site bitches. There's some original, multi-sylabic genius right there. I even ended with a punch that dropped Jason and referenced animal rights at the same time. Take the words CO and served out of your vocabularly unless you are using it to write CO ufckin' served Robert DAMN DA---aaamn!

 

-CO

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  • 5 months later...

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

I'll kick you in the face and the balls so hard

that you crap inside your pants

people look like ants

By that I mean that I'm the best and you're all redundants

You don't think that rhymes?

It's just a matter of time

I'll punch you in the stomach

and the force will break your spine

I can kill you with my pinky

I mean my finger not my d inky

by d inky I mean wang

you can't be in my gang

that's because I don't have one

This one time I went to the sun

It's hot, if you go you should take some

ice

remember chocolate mice?

it's candy in the shape of rodents

you can get vegan ones at the moments

Yeah that line was successful

constipation is more stressful

than not being constipated

that's a fact, but you anticipated

that I would tell you the truth

Superman was portrayed by Brandon Routh

in Superman Returns

it made me want to burn

my own face because it sucked

I bite your neck and then I suck

your blood until you're dead

got piles of bodies in my shed

sometimes I get lonely so I put some in my bed

some of them are rotten

some names that I've forgotten

the ones on top are fresh, the bad ones at the bottom

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  • 2 weeks later...

I got a slick flow, wit’ ma slick beat, hustlin’ in ma’ vegan way just’ keepin’ it real sweet. A little maple syrup wit’ a little splash of water… keepin’ out the body waste just doin’ what I gotta.

 

See, lady is a vegan and there aint no hesitation, when it comes to keepin’ diet free of others’ menstruation.

 

Aint getting so hot at the thought’a cow busoms – getting’ them secretions make a lotta pollution. Just choppin’me a carrot wit’ dem little shrieking voice, choppin’ up the baby veg and baskin’ in the noise.

 

So get with the flow (slick) get with the sweet (neat) get with the bootylicious ass wit’ no meat.

 

Getting’ lotta fun out of me butcher knife, just goin’ in the kitchen to scare dem plants in prime of life. Funking up the herb garden and boogying the chives…. fillin’ up on veggies fills me booty-ass with jives.

 

So get down poppin’ that ass like you wouldn’t believe, wit’ no ass on my plate - stick it there and I leave... don't need no corpse in me.. yo.

 

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