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Comedy Battle


Guest Co
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I love how violent yet vegan richards words are, I also love how Astrocat says fucking, and talks about her booty but yet still keeps it vegan. That being said I guess I have to break you both off anyway right?

 

I'm the champ absolutely

by the end of this rap you'll be screamin' rudy rudy

I've had a bed spread fullah cuties

but never seen a red-head with a booty

Please, no chick that brags about ass ever passed up the chance to dance in class man's pants.

Geez you snub the petite then act all discrete and pretend to ya friends that you dont eat the man meat.

Hey you might think this genius suck

but guess what, penis IS a meat product.

 

Okay back to the geezer.

you dork stack a jam like weezer.

Here's a lil teaser.

When ya done punch n kickin ya friends

try not soundin' like a chicken head.

sick in the tread I bled dudes like you just for the red

fickle with bread but still ahead avg Ted kennedy

Spendin brotha like I cant see empty

Evidently eventual ill be friendly....

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Some girlies t’ink it’s fine to guzzle down on sausage

But I don’t want no hog when I unwrap ma’ meat package

Maybe they not fussy if their cutie’s a cadaver

But as for me, the dead aint gonna get me in a lather

 

A guy dat’ stiff way different from someone dat’ just a stiff

Some girlies hot for both, but with me it’s like “as IFâ€

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  • 1 month later...

wow Astro, looks like you got edited. What happened to freedom of speech? 1st amendment dulled down by a vegan site....thats sad.

 

cmon Robert lets have your best 8 bars. I''ll put up 20 bucks vs a box of vega bars that I stomp you out in seconds. You can even let your forum homies judge it.

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That happened when the board was switched to the new format, it's just an error. Each time there are those weird signs, there should just be an apostraphe, for some reason that didn't transfer across correctly, the post was displayed correctly on the old forum.

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Thats weird cuz it totally looks like she was edited for bad language....

 

Looks like Robert got scared.....

 

 

Here 8 to keep this thread semi alive:

 

It don't pay t' play me

So don't play me, pay me.

Maybe

I ate a steak made of green beans

And sent a letter to the editor of veg magizine

Thank-ing

that keen human being for the recipe.

I saw steam form from star scream when I sliced the rice dream.

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  • 3 months later...

Have ya ever seen god?

He appeared to me on a plate of quinoa.

with teeth made outta greens raw, side-a beans and a mean side-a coleslaw.

I had a whole jaw full a bear claw that I bah from the voodoo spah in p-tah down-tah.

Guess wah? my Ma saw the same damn blob in her corn-on-a-cob.

Took the story to the inquirerererer and the star. Sold it all for a buck and a back room slob of m' nob.

Ob-vious guy said that I got robbed.

that would be a Y.P. not an M.P., your prob!

Ask Rob? To turn the other Cheeke, its his last name.

I ate a vegan cat the other day left my mouth with a bad taste.

They make fake every kinda meat fur real.

Last week I had a date she ate the tofu-veal.

Whats the appeal?

Yeah waiter, I'd like the fuckin' vegan baby seal with side of bald eagle.

fur-real.

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I'll write my own little rap hoo haa

 

 

 

I aint looking for no cerrios, ya hear-ios? Lucky the leprechaun, the transformers desepticon

they all got one thing in common. 80's fuck the world that's what it's all about.

Teenage mutant ninja turtles, they leap hurtles, be kickin squirtles.

No one as bad ass as R.E.M, the singing gem, lost my religion and now I'm one of dem.

What son? You don't know what I preachin? Must be some 90's boy, you be screechin.

 

Back to muh cereal. I love it for real-i-o. I cry for the trix rabbit. Chasin kids for food has become his bad habit. And the little bitches won't even give him a bit dammit. why couldn't they just let him have-it?

 

And don'k get me started on on the NES. Dat shit sucked my life into a living mess. Playing Mario all day and all night. The next morning I looked like a real fright. Looked like a vampire and dat just aint right.

 

It's da 80's, 80's tis what it's all about. Gotta give my shout-out.

80's, 80's, the cartoons were the best. Betta then all da rest.

 

Music in the 80's was the best of any other. I totally wish Boy George was ma mother. Singing about karma and tumblin. When I dance to da music it makes me hummalin. Come on Eileen that song is peachy keen. I dance to it like a nerdy little geen. Such great music made back in the day, makes me wish music was like that today.

 

Who can forget the awesome gummi bears, Bouncin here and there and everywhears. That was one awsome disney series. The fact it's not on drives me to tear-ies.

 

It's da 80's, 80's tis what it's all about. Gotta give my shout-out.

80's, 80's the cartoons were the best. Betta then all da rest.

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  • 1 year later...

I just saw your join vbbf tweet, been like 20 weeks since I been typin' to tha beat.

This post ain't discreat. I excreet flows like some body spilled the beans.

This forums like a meat, I gotta sink my teeth.

like i'm a vampire, true blood, i gotta drink "V".

Synthetic hold, pathetic blows, poetic scrolls, my head ache- oh.

Say can you see other emcees like skinny terds,

land of the free and the home of the Timbers.

Shiver me timbers.

I mend words

I blend verbs

The never ending gobstopper bender

grew up and the suger hi turned inword

found a friend to share a friendly N word

like noir, warp your head around this battle rap battle star

galattica, im intergaltic planetary practical.

This is some over tired why'm I not asleep

brains expired guy with a keyboard and hot beat.

 

-CO

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  • 4 months later...

They all say Man you scary

haven't posted since Jan-u-ary

damn i've been scammed but uncle sam dues burry

my paycheck in debt quick like a hop skip

I go from pay day patrones

to pay day loans

faster than a crackhead spittin cray-zay poems

they say a job aint nuthin but work

and all work and no play cause suffer-n-hurt

so i scuffle and flirt

with distaster

recently mastered the art of being a true bastard.

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  • 1 year later...

It's gym time

Need to swim lines.

so I can spin minds.

I'm kinda thin-wide.

with kinda trim sides.

Yeah I'm slim, fine.

Can see that squint spy.

Is that grin kind?

I don't know, think you're steppin' on the friend line.

 

Done with the cardio.

Time for the army show.

You know the party go,

head shoulders knees and toes.

 

Work hard like unconscious.

Hallux to anconeus.

check out my anaconda.

I'm like half man-monster.

 

Haha It's been a couple years since a post on this thread. Had to do a quick 16 and see if anyone notices.

 

-Dylan

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Love it! 2AM now and I gotta head to bed so I can't come up with a reply, but you know I'll be straight bringin it when I rested.

 

This might be the oldest thread on the whole forum still being used.

 

Haha!

 

Thank for bringing it back, and nice rhyme too. Diggin it. I'll likely rap about the Thunder sweeping the Lakers. That way I'll really get into it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just wanted to share with the forum I've been throwing comedy shows for the past 5 years or so. Many of the shows I have throw have been Comedy Battles. Not rapping/emcee battles like in this goofy thread but Stand up comedy competitions in the form of 1 on 1 tournaments. Several years back I actually did a private comedy battles show for Robert's Vegan Vacation group in Portland Oregon at a Pirate themed vegan restaurant that has now turned into a vegan strip club (yes Im serious this really exists). It was a very small but fun show. Since then I have taken my show to the largest club in Portland, Helium; and had a battle between Seattle vs Portland among many other shows.

I am excited to share that I have booked a venue and set a date for my first show in New York, in July. This is a huge deal to me because NY is just a whole different level, so many comedians from all across the country/world are here trying to make it, so competition is fierce. Hopefully I will get some good video footage from this event and post it in the forum.

 

Cheers,

 

-Dylan

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  • 3 months later...

Its 303 am

You know me who I am

I'll take a moral stand, then give your girl oral exams

I'm inappropriate

but if its dope free it

blow it up don't need damn a microscope to see it

What about Libya

What bout the south-south Bronx

there's so much going on

there's so much going wrong

I'm just like flowing strong

and steady holding on

if I'm the only one

Still be the one that won

 

Eh a couple of good lines, not the best, a little rusty, anyone else like to freestyle? Please feel free to post.

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  • 4 months later...

On that calorie in-take

salary done broke tha bank

can't get big off that ramen

need tax cuts from Obama

pantry fulla yams

morning tofu scrambs

got jokes but not a ham

dif strokes for different fam

Diplo to dip low Milian

Dips loans and left with squat

dip down low power squats

can't live off beans alone

Would be just skin n bone

I'm kinda thin and toned

I wanna build and grow

My stomach filled and blown

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