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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 12:12 am 
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Gorilla
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More thought then I care to type in this here area, lots of mind, lots of mara lots of hell, you know typical human stuff. addiction to mind and the service there of. seems i did drugs to escape from confusion only to be confused by coming down to think that by using it would stop the pain, to be in pain from coming down, and on and on the list goes on and on the list goes on and on. rushes, well thats easy, you ever try to live in this day and age without escaping? thats pretty hardcore within itself.
i get a rush every moment i choose compassion and love over selfishness and hate.

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The world is divided between peasants and kings
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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:17 pm 
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Elephant
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Hey man; i'm glad you're on the right track. I've been recreational in the past as many others i'm sure have as well. I'm glad you're taking care of your body and just wanted to send some more positive energy your way brotha. 8)

where you come from isn't important. what matters most is where you are now ... ;)

yb

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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 12:27 am 
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Happens to too many who get stuck in one place, not knowing they are stuck. Deep down inside knowing something is wrong. Unhappy with their behavior, Unaware of the tools one need to break the cycle. Unable to be selfaware, or how to assess one's actions (why we do the things we do). Limited prevailing awareness. Any help one can get with self-awareness classes, self-esteem classes can be a really big help. I know no one will admit to having self esteem problems, but most people would be supprised how many people suffer from low self-esteem. You might not think of a boss who belittles his worker for doing a bad job, as having low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can manifest itself in many way, that we wouldn't normal associate with low self-esteem.
I know YADA YADA YADA.
forgive me

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Happiness is a personal choice!
I am the sole source of all my sadness and joy.


"The logic of worldly success rests on a
fallacy: the strange error that our perfection
depends on the thoughts and
opinions and applause of other men."
Source: Thomas Merton


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 10:41 pm 
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Gorilla
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No one admit they have low self esteem, are you kidding me, I think shit of myself all the time, thats one of the things that got me here, not good enough, dont look good enough, all that jive crap, its all blah from tapes in my dome played on through centuries of humanity, even when we are happy the mind finds end of the world shit.
we work on it or we drown in it. Aint nothing wrong with drugs or alcohol, all that was wrong was with my mind and my addiction to my mind. I cant control anything when using, including my using. There is nothing more taxing then knowing the exact weight of your bag, just how many pills you have and the constant math of how many I can take today varying my amount tomorrow waiting for the next fill, its been a minute since I refilled my adderal and I can still tell you that I couldve got another script on the 6th, not to mention remembering exactly how much booze was left in the bottle and where to get that shit the cheapest from this state and the next few around, I know the best liquor stores three states around yet I have a hard time remembering my neice and nephews names.
The mind is a mofo, as is the spirit in its hardcore ability to free you from all this. our self is timeless, love and peace, all that is needed is not some special ability but the awareness moment to moment to see when we are here or when our mind is talking, with this we are free, without it bound by chains, no free will.
Pride is another killer, thought being straight edge might help but it was just another link in the mind chain game, another bullshit story to hold on to, a mental dope. I will find peace, freedom and serenity, I find it moment by moment, and eventually it shall overcome.
To all those suffering out there I send you peace and a promise of an answer. Find a program, get some help, just breathe and be. AND ABOVE ALL PUT THE FUCKING DOPE DOWN, life is suffering, but we can be free of this suffering in this life, just put it all down and keep on walking.[color=#000000]
Peace,
-Tom

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We gotta learn to see the beauty in each moment of life
Everyone has different pasts and we're seeking the light
The world is divided between peasants and kings
But the truth is everyone is looking for the same thing


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:17 pm 
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Gorilla
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This is for sure getting easier and harder at the same time, good times, good times.

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We gotta learn to see the beauty in each moment of life
Everyone has different pasts and we're seeking the light
The world is divided between peasants and kings
But the truth is everyone is looking for the same thing


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:27 pm 
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Stegosaurus
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Do you get to the point where you rationalize reasons for doing and not doing, even thinking that one argument seems OK or better than the one you originally chose?

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Happiness is a personal choice!
I am the sole source of all my sadness and joy.


"The logic of worldly success rests on a
fallacy: the strange error that our perfection
depends on the thoughts and
opinions and applause of other men."
Source: Thomas Merton


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:05 pm 
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Elephant
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Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
zinzen wrote:
This is for sure getting easier and harder at the same time, good times, good times.


You and Veganmama inspired me to quit caffeine. I was fighting a cold the first week, so didn't miss it that much. But after 10 days, I'm starting to miss my coffee. I start thinking that coffee is really good and gives a nice boost in the am. The health reasons, adrenal deficit, post buzz crash followed by overeating to try and compensate for the withdrawal etc. I know, it really is trivial compared to what you are doing, but it helps me to really appreciate your situation a little more. Thankfully, I can only imagine what it must be like with the more powerful and addictive substances you were dealing with.

Keep up the fine work! 8)

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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:50 pm 
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Elephant
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Tea?

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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:23 pm 
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Gorilla
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would love to john, trying to figure on a time. If you get this soon and can meet early tomorrow I am down, like 9am
As for the addictionpart, its not so hard now, occationally I hear a voice say something like, I am getting fucked up after this shit, or I cant wait to drink, it takes awareness to know that is just my mind. Its the other shit I am doing, the meditation, the ego seperation, the clearing of past habits and pre-conceived ideas, this is whats so fucking hard.
I will take on coffee soon, but until then I fired up my old coffee maker and bought some silk creamer.
Best of luck, drugs suck when you have no control, if you are in control then drugs are just...drugs.
Out of control like me and they are a prison.

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We gotta learn to see the beauty in each moment of life
Everyone has different pasts and we're seeking the light
The world is divided between peasants and kings
But the truth is everyone is looking for the same thing


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:33 pm 
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Elephant
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Oooh that voice. I know that voice.

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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:39 pm 
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Gorilla
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Location: myspace.com/fuckbushskinhead666
Dont we all, nothing like your mind for bending you over and sticking it to ya

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We gotta learn to see the beauty in each moment of life
Everyone has different pasts and we're seeking the light
The world is divided between peasants and kings
But the truth is everyone is looking for the same thing


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:48 pm 
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Elephant
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So true.

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Radical simply means "grasping things at the root." - Angela Davis


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:27 pm 
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Elephant
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I'm working with my program manager trainee tomorrow am. I'll phone. Have you been going to the gym?

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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:30 am 
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Rabbit
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zinzen wrote:
drugs suck when you have no control, if you are in control then drugs are just...drugs.


that level of awareness alone shows a lot of merit. do you attribute this perspective to any new practices?


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 Post subject: Re: Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:43 am 
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Gorilla
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I have always been quite aware of the isness of all things, also quite aware of the dumbassness of myself and my affliction with drugs and addiction to my mind. I just finally gathered the nards ( nards when the fuck did you see that last, monster squad all the way baby) to do something about it.
Back in 2001 I got out of a troubling time in my head where I was no longer in control of my own thoughts, I got out of this by realizing that the entire two years of insanity was brought on not by being insane in the conventional sense, but that the voices in my head were indeed voices of my head, i.e. the voice in my head my mind.
once this realization occured it afforded me the oppertunity to take on myself as wrote by many enlightened and not so light lit cats throughout the ages instead of relying on psycotropic drugs, which were only making it worse.
With weight training and the glorious plant of marijuana I took back my soul.
But in the end my addiction took on a new form of using narcotics to summon control of every moment, to where if I was sad, pop a pill, mad pop a pill, happy, fuck it pop one anyways.
his impeaded my ability to feel my energy and to feel the love I had for myself, and once I took a look around and saw what an ass I was teaching meditation but using drugs as my meditation I knew it must be stopped.
Then once I stopped I saw my marriage get better, my mood stabilize, my head get clear thats when I saw it was not me, not the drugs, just my lack of control, my abuse that caused such a horrid cycle.
medications are fine, they have a purpose, one that has great use and benifit( some I should say)
Marijuana is one of the universes wonderful gifts to us humans, if you have no drug problem please see the greatness of this wonderful flower and do accordingly, this plant has never took a life alone, it has brought greatness to many, and ended suffering in many peoples lives without being played with or made better by man.
I unfortunatly can no longeer use anything if I am to gain my control back, I know this and I morn that part of my life and embrace the new place I am in.
And John hell yeah my energy is coming back and I am going often, getting tired of my shoulder coming out of place all the time so I am fixing it my self.
soon I will be able to do flys again and then watch out, my chest will be as big as that cartoon VeganEssentials posted :lol:

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We gotta learn to see the beauty in each moment of life
Everyone has different pasts and we're seeking the light
The world is divided between peasants and kings
But the truth is everyone is looking for the same thing


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