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Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.


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Man that freaking plant never did me wrong, too bad for my absolute lack of self control. Maybe someday FAR down the line.

 

Best of luck, drugs suck when you have no control, if you are in control then drugs are just...drugs.

Out of control like me and they are a prison.

 

I ment to express my opinion earlier, but didn't and maybe still don't know how to express my opinion without stepping on your toes or being misunderstood.

 

Please don't over react or read too much into it.

But these passages I find problamatic.

In the first your craving and your inability to understand that it is not only your lack of self controll but to see that a drug, any drug affects your thinking. It's not the real Tom or the real Joe, when under the influence. We, us, need to understand that purity of mind is most important for our sanity and health. You, I, we, all need not make excuses for others who choose to cloud their mind, for what ever reason, or excuse. It really isn't OK. To be ontop of our game, to feel the real feel, one shouldn't desensitize oneself. One should know the pain, live the pain, appreciate the pain, for it is what is real. I know I'm having a hard time putting my feeling into words, but maybe next post I can express myself better or maybe after your give me some of your thoughts on what I am trying to get at.

 

Anyway hang in there Tom.

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I understand what you are saying but what i mean is not that said person in control is high all the time not living true, but that said person with self control can when the choose smoke, or drink and put the item down and maybe never touch item again.

then they are just what they are, a drug, with a use, and then to be put away for whenev, simple just another product.

But when you cant control your use it is not the items fault, i.e, its not ice creams fault that people get obese if they keep gourging on the product, its the mind that is addicted to the ice cream.

This is all, if you dont have an issue then you can see the plant as a plant that makes you feel funny, if you are like me it goes beyond the plant to something that is obsessed on, something I cant be with out, its no more that I am purchasing and using a plant, I am quelling a craving that wont stop, just like the junkie that no longer even gets high, they still need to shoot that shit in them.

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off to the doc with a massive headache on its 3rd day, first doc visit since sober, gotta stay strong and not get any drugs, really just going for a doctors note, but if she has some needle she could shove into my brain that would rock also.

wish me luck

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Been a minute since I posted, still sober. Some days its a breeze, some days not so much. Today I went to AA and the lead was fucking funny as all hell, good stuff.

My fear of the impending doom of winter is whooping my ass, bout to go get one of the SAD lights, hopefully thatll help me through, if not totally fix the depression.

Thanks again for everyones help and comments, all of you kick much ass.

Peace

-Tom

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My fear of the impending doom of winter is whooping my ass, bout to go get one of the SAD lights, hopefully thatll help me through, if not totally fix the depression.

 

Damn! I'm glad you understand that! I've been "nesting" like a frickin squirrel, trying to get the home ready for winter. The cold nights give me a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach. It rained most of the day Monday, was dark and gray out all day and I really felt it. I picked up my little white LED flashlight and shined it right in my eyes, instant endorphin rush. Holy crap, I really need one of those SAD lights!!!

 

Good to hear you're staying sober! I'm still off the coffee and all caffeine, has been hard these past couple of weeks as I've been temping in an office where everyone is sucking down the coffee like it was oxygen!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Still sober, next week, 7 days from now it shall be 90 days and my sponser owes me a cookie.

This shit has not, and is not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is now getting that way. The sad thing is change, as in I have not.

Yet

I am still the same asshole I have always been, just sober now. I am working on this though. Thank you for all your support and words.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

Sober Six months today. Didnt see that coming. Bout to hit up the gym, starting a full time massage job in 2 weeks at a brand new Lifetime Fitness. This life can change on a dime man, weird good stuff. Hope all had a cool holiday. Peace out crackers.

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  • 5 months later...

Sorry I aint been around kids, internet does not work.

Still sober cept my left shoulder is fucked once again so I am on meds for it. This shit makes me very sad, and irate. People say this does not count against my sobriety, I dont know if I agree.

Well besides, in a few weeks it has been a year, crazy.

I will say in no way has it gotten easier, I live day to day with this junk, but its all good!

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Sorry I aint been around kids, internet does not work.

Still sober cept my left shoulder is fucked once again so I am on meds for it. This shit makes me very sad, and irate. People say this does not count against my sobriety, I dont know if I agree.

Well besides, in a few weeks it has been a year, crazy.

I will say in no way has it gotten easier, I live day to day with this junk, but its all good!

 

Ask any expert, there is a huge difference between taking medication for a problem and substance abuse. I would count it.

 

I know there are AA people who literally take one day at a time and stay sober for decades, so you are not alone and you have hope. I had a friend who finally went to AA after waking up with blue skin after a binge. She stayed sober for 5 years, but was still down on her life. She was healthy, had a job, a place to live and was sober. She could have been in a hospital bed somewhere wondering if she was going to live.

 

Think about all of the wonderful stuff you are doing for your health by not loading your body down with that crap. Think what a better position your life is in a year later, from where it could have been doing destructive things for a year. Shit catches up with you. You probably dodged at least a few bullets in the last year.

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