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mizzourunner's recovery and training journal


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cross posted, but I thought this would be a nice intro:

 

Hi, I'm new at this message board and I am trying to recover from anorexia. About 2 months ago, I made the switch to veganism. I have gained weight and I am now 98 pounds at 5'5". Now I would like to work at getting in shape. My body fat is very low. I had it tested by a nutritionist and he said it was 5.2% but I think I look 'skinny fat.' I don't know, it could just be my eating disorder talking since I was so underweight before. Anyway, in college I used to run 6 miles a day and I would like to get back into it as well as build some muscle. I was wondering if anyone has experiences of getting in shape while still being pretty underweight and how I should get started? I would like to work with a personal trainer but I can't afford it right now so I've had subscriptions to Women's Health and Oxygen magazine as well. I view these as my training and nutrition tools. Obviously, I modify a lot of food recipes and make them vegan as well as relying on websites like http://www.goveg.com, http://www.fatfreevegan.com and others. I like to do a lot of cooking and I hate relying on the processed vegan foods that are available.

 

Right now I get my bread from whole foods from the bakery. Sprouted grain or something like that is vegan. I just make sure I ask for the vegan bread when I go there. I also eat lots of avocados and cook with olive oil for my healthy fats. My one downfall for processed vegan foods is vegan mac and cheese from veganessentials.com as well as making vegan grilled cheese sandwiches with vegan cheese and vegan butter. I also make lots of smoothies at home. I try to avoid going out to eat because unless you go to a vegan/vegetarian restaurant, there are not a lot of options out to eat... I also try to eat organic as much as possible but I'm on a strict budget so that can be difficult at times. Farmers markets are my friend.

 

As far as training goes, I have had a gym membership for quite some time but for most of the last year I have been too sick to work out. I feel a lot stronger now especially since I have chosen to go vegan as part of my recovery from this horrible disease. I am going to the gym today with a friend and my goal is to do 30 minutes on the elliptical to start.

 

Anyway, I will take any and all advice I can get about nutrition and exercise at this point. I don't really know what or how much to eat. I don't really want to gain anymore weight at this point in time. Basically I just want to get really toned and get my heart and bones in good shape. I have lots of health problems because I have had anorexia for 16 years including having osteopenia. I really need to work on building bone mass because obviously I don't want this to progress into osteoporosis. Unforuntately, I am only 27 and the drugs they offer to reverse bone loss are non-prescribable for people my age because the long term side effects of them are unknown. They are only approved for people over 50 and I have not been able to get a doctor to prescribe any for me. I know weight training and walking/running or weight bearing cardio is good for building bone mass.

 

I would also be interested in knowing what supplements I need to take in to transform my body from being untoned to toned and what will help give me energy besides food for muscle growth and cardiovascular endurance via running.

 

I hope I will be welcome at this board. I already have lurked quite a bit and really like the vibe I get.

Edited by mizzourunner
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yesterday I did pretty well with food save for the protein part.

 

organic apple with organic pb

vegan apple muffin (homemade)

mcdouggell's vegan curry rice

sour mambas

salad with red leaf lettuce, homegrown tomato, capers, vegan parmesan chz, annie's organic green garlic dressing

 

...1200 calories

 

Did 30 minutes on the elliptical--the aerobic workout level 6--burned 200 calories wished it could have been more but that's what you get with a low weight

 

 

Today so far:

vegan apple muffin (200)

 

lara peanut butter and jelly bar (200)

 

smoothie with 4 oz odwalla mo'beta, 6 oz 8th continent light vanilla soymilk, canteloupe, cherries, ice (100)

 

spiru-tein chocolate peanut butter swirl soy/rice/pea blend protein shake made with 8oz 8th continent light vanilla soy, ice (20 grams of protein including soymilk) (160)

 

1 cup pinto beans (200)

 

2 Annie's organic bunny snacks-wildberry (140)

 

1 liter water

 

total: 47 grams of protein, 1000 calories, 2 liters water plus water in smoothies/shakes

 

didn't do so great with the food today. I don't know why it has to be so hard for me.

 

going to the gym later to do 30 minutes elliptical, adding in weights today, 100 walking lunges

 

Ordered https://store.nexternal.com/vegane/storefront/ultimate-fat-metabolizer-by-biochem-p1518.aspx and https://store.nexternal.com/vegane/storefront/vegan-cla-by-deva-p1993.aspx

 

Worked this morning. I work in a group home for individuals with developmental disabilities. Only worked 3 hours because the guys were leaving to go to the Special Olympics in Cape Giraurdo. Don't have to work again until Monday. Excited about that because it's been a long week. I worked 16 hours on Tuesday which really wiped me out for the rest of the week. In fact I did not hear my alarm today even though it was set on the loudest setting. Was 25 minutes late to work!!!!!!!!!!! Arg. I hope I don't get written up. It was the first time I've ever been late. And I don't usually work in the morning either.

 

My boyfriend came over today. We were going to go to the gym together. He needs to lose weight very badly. He's 5'9" and weighs 249 pounds. I just want him to get healthy. Luckily, he doesn't have any health problems yet. I guess because he's young.

 

I lost 1.5 pounds since yesterday even though I drank 3 liters yesterday. I know I don't need to lose weight but I can't help but be pleased. Honestly, I would like to lose 7 pounds and get back down to 90. I know--bad. Not exactly conducive to fitness.

 

I've just been relaxing this afternoon. Ate some food, watching tv, playing around on the internet. I'm going to the gym at 5:30 and would like to go see "Salt" with Angelina Jolie. I think she's amazing and the movie is supposed to be great.

 

NCIS is on. Might do another 100 lunges while watching tv. I never get sore no matter how many lunges I do so I take advantage of that. I would like to go to a class at my gym today, but I checked the schedule and I missed all the classes that they had today. Boo. No free classes tomorrow either or sunday so I'll have to wait until next week.

 

I know 1200 calories a day is really low and I don't plan on going any lower with my calories, but if I can lose on 1200 a day and keep losing that would be wonderful. I feel so flabby and gross hence the lunges. I have "Women's Health", which I have a subcription for and "Fitness" which I bought off the newsstand. Going to see if I can find any good weight lifting workouts that I can start on. I would really like to do CrossFit, but it's not offered here.

 

Last night I was watching the history channel. There was stuff about solar flares on and how damaging they can be to the earth. Right now the earth's magnetic field is in the process of reversing. Apparently it does this every so many years. Anyway, when it reverses, there is a period where the earth does not have a magnetic field and this field is what protects the earth from solar flares. If we get struck by a large flare when the earth's magnetic field is down, the entire northern hemisphere could lose everything. The scientists project that if this happens, we will lose 1/3-1/2 of the world's population because we will lose all of our satellites and all the power grids will be down. Nobody will be able to pump gas, have running water, use debit cards---etc. nothing! Billions of people will die and it will take ages to restore everything to normal. I am so scared this is going to happen. I'm really tempted to go and by cases and cases of canned beans so that if it does happen, I will have food and not starve to death. The scientists are trying to find ways to protect the power grids and lines and are trying to find ways to take preventative measures to protect us. I'm sure that will cost billions of dollars and a lot of time. I hope they get the funding and are successful. Anyway, scary stuff.

 

okay, I'm outie.

Edited by mizzourunner
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My food intake today has sucked. The quality of what I have eaten has been pretty good. I'm sure I'll eat more later tonight.

 

homemade strawberry banana smoothie (200)

 

preworkout protein shake consisting of 8 oz 8th Continent light vanilla soymilk, 2 tbsp blackstrap mollasses, 1 tbsp cocoa, 1 scoop spiru-tein chocolate peanut butter protein powder (300 overestimate)

 

3 liters water

 

black bean, vegan cheddar, tomato on whole wheat tortilla (270)

 

Did 30 minutes on the bike, level 5 and 30 minutes of weights--focused on my arms.

 

I've been feeling really depressed today so I think that's why I've eaten so little

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Went to the gym for 2.5 hours today. Did 65 minutes of cardio--elliptical and some other machine that I do not know the name of. Lifted weights, mostly arms but some legs, did 450 crunches of various types and stretching.

Didn't eat very much today again.

 

preworkout protein shake made with 8th continent light vanilla soymilk, spiru-tein chocolate pb protein powder, cinnamon, cocoa, blackstrap mollasses and ice

 

postworkout--mini grilled 'cheese' sandwich, 2 spoonfuls organic natural peanut butter

 

dinner-huge salad with red leaf lettuce, homegrown tomato, vegan parmesan 'cheese', and 3 tbsp Annie's organic roasted red pepper vinaigrette

 

Eating has been a real struggle for me lately

 

oh and 2 liters water

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Worked out for 2.5 hours today. 35 minutes bike, 30 minutes some other crazy machine that looks kind of like an elliptical but its not, weight lifted legs, 430 crunches, stretching...

 

I'm trying to eat more today. I'm trying to figure out what more can I eat. Will add later if I end up eating more than this:

 

preworkout: 1 cup pinto beans with organic fireroasted tomatoes

 

postworkout: protein shake with the usual

 

lunch: 2 tacos with whole wheat tortillas, fire roasted tomatoes and pinto beans

 

dinner: mini peanut butter and jelly sandwich (seriously, this bread is like the size of french bread when you cut it) with organic strawberry preserves and organic peanut butter

 

snack: green apple

snack: sour mambas

This is 1500-1600 calories

 

edited to add:

1 peanut butter cookie Lara Bar

2 Earnest Eats Almond Trail mix granola bars

1 taco made with whole wheat tortilla, pinto beans, organic fire roasted tomatoes, vegan mozzerella cheese

 

2300 calories

Edited by mizzourunner
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Decided to go ahead and take the day off from exercise. I don't want to burn myself out... I also see my nutritionist at noon, which is good because I need some help.

 

Food:

breakfast- 2 vegan apple muffins (340)

 

lunch- protein shake made with 2 tbsp cocoa, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 6 tbsp ground flax seed, 2 cups almond silk milk, 1 scoop spirutein chocolate peanut butter protein powder, ice (500)

 

kale salad with 2 tbsp annie's organic shitake mushroom dressing, vegan parmesan, vegan mozzerella (200)

 

snack- earnest eats almond trail mix granola bar (210)

 

dinner: 2 cups fake tuna salad (400)

 

1640 calories, 80 grams of protein

 

will edit later if I eat more

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breakfast:

banana with 1 tbsp peanut butter-200

 

lunch:

garden vegetable pesto soup with part of a french baguette-310

 

snack:

sour mambas-200

 

snack:

So Delicious Coconut Milk Raspberry yogurt-150

 

dinner: huge salad with red leaf lettuce, 2 roma tomatoes, kale, capers, vegan parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup garbonzo beans, 2 tbsp sunflower seeds, 3 tbsp Annie's organic red wine and olive oil vinaigrette-493

 

total: 1353

will edit to add aiming for 1500 today since its a rest day

Edited by mizzourunner
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Congrats on keeping a journal! They can be so useful!

 

My opinion for what it's worth: if you're going to start doing cardio and/or weight training, you have got to eat more, no question about it. Your body fat is so low right now, you won't be able to sustain your workouts for very long, and you won't see too much fitness progress if you keep this up. I would amp up the protein big time, and add more nuts, they're a great calorie dense way to get nutrients. You can add them in smoothies without too much notice and you can just nibble on them throughout the day. Your nutritionist will hopefully have some more great specific ideas...

 

Let's do this!

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I agree with everything viva said. Definitely need to eat more! Although I realize that is difficult for you. But smoothies can be a great way to get in a lot of cals without much volume. Add in nuts or some flax oil or something like that. You can easily blend up 400-800 cals worth of fruit in one smoothie. A few bananas, some other stuff depending on your tastes. I like berries in mine. Throw in some protein powder and there you go.

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60 minutes cardio: burned 450

30 minutes weight lifting: arms mostly 50 walking lunges with dumbbells

450 crunches of various kinds

 

breakfast:

So Delicious Coconut Milk Raspberry yogurt with sunflower seeds: 250

 

preworkout protein shake with Spirutein chocolate peanut butter protein powder, 1 cup almond milk, 2 tbsp blackstrap molasses, cinnamon, ice: 300

 

lunch:

3 Boca Burger Vegan burgers: 210

 

dinner:

huge salad with red leaf lettuce, kale, 2 roma tomatoes, 1/2 cup garbonzo beans, 1 vegan boca burger, 4 tbsp whole foods brand tomato basil dressing: 350

 

snack:

2 Earnest Eats Almond Trail Mix granola bars (420)

 

snack:

homemade smoothie made with Silk Almond Milk, Bolthouse Green Goodness smoothie, handful of frozen cherries (150)

 

total: 1680, 85 grams of protein

Edited by mizzourunner
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I think you should, for your own good, stop counting calories. It's bad for you. Instead do as above there have been suggested, fruit smoothies and lots of nuts and more protein. I'm so sorry to tell you that you're going to add more weight and you will need to put on more muscle and also fat so that you'll be able to look lean.

 

What you'd need to do is stop looking at yourself from the mirror, stop thinking of calories and how much you spend on elliptical. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it.

 

Have a decent breakfast, it'll keep your strength up and you won't binge later. Oatmeal or porridge or other grain-type dish. And a whole plate and not just nibbling.

 

Add more tofu, nuts, legumes and other protein-rich food to your meals. Forget about the calories. Most endurance athletes eat three times as much as you do and won't get fat. Neither will you get fat. You'll get fit and healty to your own natural weight. And get the muscles you need.

 

Remember as a vegan to eat your calsium and D-vitamin pills! Even overdose with them, it's not gonna kill you.

 

Before going to the gym eat something. You're eating a lot of empty carbs, but I'm sure it's because you're starving yourself and when you starve yourself you really grave for something sweet. Try eating whole grain and those protein-rich foods.

 

Anyway, I feel for you, you certainly are not the only one here, who feels this way. Even people without any ED feel themselves fat some days. It's normal even though we in ED-recovery panic about them just because we think it's a step back. Just accept that you don't have to feel good about your body every day. And don't let those thoughts let you down.

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I can't decide if I'm doing well or if I'm doing poorly. I've quit smoking completely. It's been a little over 2 weeks. I've almost completely stopped purging. I've purged once a day for the last couple weeks. Haven't been binging. Haven't bought food for binging in like a month or so. I've just purged randomly when I've been stupid enough to get on the scale with all my clothes and shoes on and when I've had a shit ton to drink and it's freaked me out.

 

I am burning 500-1000 calories a day at the gym 5 days a week the last few weeks, but I full clearance from my nutritionist, medical doctor, and psychologist to do this as long as I eat what my nutritionist said I should eat, which is 1800 calories a day. He wants me to increase by 200 calories every two weeks until I am eating what I am burning. Its been a huge struggle to eat 1800 calories a day. Some days I eat 1000. Some days I eat 3000. The only way I'm comfortable eating is if I'm going to the gym and right now I'm just trying to get used to my body at this size and the only way I can justify staying at this size is if I go to the gym and do what I'm doing. This is fucking harder than anything I've ever done in my life.

 

I just keep thinking I have to keep eating. I have to because having an eating disorder for 16 years so far is ridiculous and I just want to be normal. I can't have an eating disorder for my entire life. I can't weight less than 90 pounds for my whole life. It's just a ridiculous notion at this point. I'm honestly trying to make my body and mind as healthy as possible. I want to regain my cognitive functions, my rationality, my integrity, my intelligence. I want to have a life. I want to fall in love. Maybe I want to have children sometime before I'm 35. I just want to be fucking normal and I'm so frustrated with myself right now. I am just struggling so much to keep my head above water. I'm taking 3x the reccommended amount of calcium everyday because I don't want to have osteopenia anymore. I'm taking a vitamin b complex everyday because I want my brain to return to normal. I'm eating a mostly vegan diet except for the candy habit that I can't seem to kick. I'm eating as much protein as humanly possible on an 1800 calorie a day diet because I'm genuinely trying to build muscle and get strong. I'm pissed that I have naturally skinny arms because I'm working them out really hard with weights and they are not changing in size and yet my legs are naturally pretty muscular.

 

I'm just so incredibly frustrated with this whole recovery process. Its so slow and agonizing. Each day, each meal, each bite is a constant battle in my head. I'm racked with guilt about all the food I'm eating and no matter how much time I spend in the gym, it doesn't really make it that much easier. My moods are all over the place. In the morning, I'm in a fabulous mood, but by nightime I'm so depressed. I'm pushing my boyfriend away because I don't want to do anything sexual at all. It sounds bad but I can't even handle kissing him. I can't stand to be touched. I don't understand what's going on because he really is everything I could ever want from a man, but he is too nice to me. I don't deserve it. I feel like a horrible disgusting person and I don't deserve to be treated well. I don't know if that is an extension from my last relationship where sometimes I was treated like a queen and other times I was treated like shit, but I feel like I am so fucked up right now.

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yesterday:

30 minutes on the crazy cardio machine I do not know the name of

30 minutes weight lifting mostly arms, 50 walking lunges with 10 pound dumbbells in each hand,

450 assorted crunches

stretching

 

breakfast:

 

protein shake made with Spiru-tein Chocolate Peanut butter protein powder, blackstrap molasses, cinnamon, almond silk milk, ice

nature's valley oats and honey granola bar

 

1 liter water

20 oz diet mountain dew

 

lunch:

2 vegan boca burgers with spicy bbq sauce

 

1 liter water

 

snack:

2 serving raisonettes

 

post workout:

2 vegan boca burgers

1 liter water

 

later:

protein shake made with spirutein chocolate peanut butter, 2 scoops, 2 tbsp real organic peanut butter, almond silk milk, ice

 

total: 1700

 

Today so far:

 

short workout--only 1 hour 15 minutes

 

45 minutes on the crazy cardio machine (400 burned)

450 crunches

50 walking lunges with 10 pound dumbbells in each hand

 

breakfast:

protein shake with spirutein chocolate peanut butter 2 scoops, almond silk milk, , real organic peanut butter, ice

 

snack:

strawberry banana smoothie

 

1 liter orange G2

 

lunch:

hazelnut vegan cutlet from Whole Foods

Vegan cous cous with fruit and nuts

 

preworkout:

protein shake made with 1 scoop chocolate peanut butter, 8 oz Bolthouse Mango Protein premade smoothie drink, blended with lots of ice--this was very thick and very strange

 

1 liter water

 

dinner:

2 quorn naked cutlets

huge salad with red leaf lettuce, kale, 1/2 cup garbonzo beans, sundried tomatoes, vegan parmesan cheese, capers, 2 roma tomatoes, Annie's organic red wine and olive oil vinaigrette

 

total: 1850

Edited by mizzourunner
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I think you should, for your own good, stop counting calories.

 

I completely agree with this. I realize though that you have probably been counting calories for years and years and it might be hard to stop. What is the reason you are currently counting calories? Habbit? To make sure you are eating enough?

 

Maybe you could cut back on the cardio? It is going to make it more difficult to put on muscle.

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I am counting calories because I'm supposed to get in a certain amount for my nutritionist and yes, it would be difficult to stop because I have been doing it for years. Even if I wasn't recording anywhere it would still be in my head. Basically, its virtually impossible to stop!

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and now a picture of my love

 

http://pictures.sprintpcs.com//mmps/RECIPIENT/003_5677ba858f5a7061_1/2?inviteToken=hEyrzz58zma5azM7zhoa&limitsize=258,258&outquality=90&squareoutput=255,255,255&ext=.jpg&iconifyVideo=true&wm=1

Edited by mizzourunner
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breakfast:

 

protein shake with 2 scoops chocolate peanut butter spiru-tein protein powder, 2 cups silk original almond milk, lots of ice

 

postworkout:

 

1/4 cup edamame salad from whole foods: edamame, carrots, corn, red pepper, zucchini, cilantro

 

8 oz Bolthouse Green Goodness smoothie blended with ice

 

lunch:

white bean salad with red onion, roma tomatoes and fresh basil, a little olive oil

a couple bites chocolate cake

 

snack:

1 serving Sesame Tarrogon crackers

 

dinner:

1.5 cups sticky brown rice with sesame seeds

1/4 cup roasted unsalted soynuts

 

snack:

sour mambas

 

total: 1800 calories

 

workout #1:

30 minutes elliptical/I do not know the name of this machine but its sort of like an elliptical more upwards motion of the legs

 

5 minutes biking

 

450 crunches of various kinds

 

50 walking lunges with 15 pound dumbbells in each hand

 

weight lifting arms/back/chest

 

Workout #2:

45 minute walk

Edited by mizzourunner
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You should check out this woman:

 

http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/heidismommy/more.php?section=progresspics

 

She used to be quite underweight (due to anorexia) and put on quite a bit of muscle during recovery.

 

 

Holy crap I wondered what happenned to her. I used to see her on Youtube at Fitgirl78 but she canned her channel. Man good to see her again. Glad she is still doing well.

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Bony thin does not look well & is not healthy to purge, but you already know all that stuff, I'm not preaching...I know it is something you must work through at your own pace.

 

You are very beautiful, especially the last pics of you when you gained more weight. (and the kitty is cute!) I agree with HCPinGviini's earlier post; I don't feel it is a good idea to obsess with counting calories so much...and also getting on the scale alot...

 

I would personally continue with the smoothies; they are an easy way to get nutrient dense foods into your body. Maybe cut some of the cardio slightly...after all, you don't have any bodyfat to burn, you just want to tone & get stronger.

 

Keep at it!

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