For me male and female are more than just the outward look but also how one thinks, processes, etc. There are behaviours that I would say are more male-like (I tend to be very literal, logical and want solutions rather than stories -- a very male/masculine attributed behaviour) and some which are more female-like (my g/f tends to be very much about wanting listening, support, etc.).
Our experiences with our three little girls support this. Both being parents that have made a conscious effort not to steer our girls in to particular gender roles, toys, thought processes etc., have found all three to be very much feminine and girly, although the younger two are definitely more on the girly/makeup/fashion side, which is totally opposite anything they see in their parents. When we hang out with similar parents who make a conscious effort not to define gender roles, the very much masculine habits of their little boys are very apparent, even stunning at times.
We are definitely born with gender identities, which are clearly influenced by social norms, but have much deeper roots. I can't even concieve of the idea that we are all 100% one way or the other, that our outward appearances always match our minds. Hermaphrodites are an extreme example of the physical not even having the possibility of matching the mind.
[quote=_raVen_]So there's a non-primary?!
There could be but not right now. We lead a poly lifestyle but have put that on hold for now because we both have far too much going on.[/quote]
Nice, we are poly at heart, but haven't had the opportunity to ever really explore it. We both agree that it would naturally manifest itself in a more communal living situation, but life is too busy and often draining as it is, neither of us has the time or energy to pursue any other relations. That and we are both extremely satisfied with what we have together. We do sometimes explore our sexual desires with other couples, but haven't developed any emotional attachments.
Sounds like you have gotten to know yourself quite well SyrLinus, which is far more than most people ever accomplish. Best wishes in your transformation and everything else, hopefully it will be that piece of the puzzle that allows you to feel complete.