OK so I'm sorry. I am just overwhelmed. it was a stupid thing (shop rite messed up my order) but its been building up after the incident with twin labs, and the nutrishop girl who was trying to tell me what to do (are you sure your coach doesnt want you to take bee pollen? i know him very well bla bla) when i clearly stated that my intentions were set in stone not only by my choice to be a vegan but by my coach who holds several dozen titles. she also miscommunicated with me about when she was going to order them and it was delayed. they came in in time but what if they didnt? but now its just one more errand i have to run and i just want to sit alone and relax.
my back workout was real short, the deadlifts i mentioned, barbell rows 3x12, seated row 3x12, close grip pull down 3x12, straight pulls 3x12, supersetted of lying leg curls, seated leg curls, and romanian dl (80x12) three times. my back is sore from the oblique crunches. the guy i went on a date last weekend showed up and it was real awkward. i also went on a date last night with a med student. tempted to keep him around for fun just cause i like the idea of dating a surgeon lol, but he's letting his body go to crap with his long hours. and im not sure how i feel about guys asking to feel my muscles on the first date! if anything i should be feeling his, right? and lastly he wasn't as cute as his pictures but the conversation was interesting.
tonight is likely my last cheat according to my coach. im going to do a chipotle burrito no chips, 2 bananas, 2 apples, dates and pb and a pint of strawberries. going big but with good (relatively) stuff. i walked around shoprite and at one point had two different clif products in my basket and also picked up some nuts but put them back. was thinking about pretzels, soy crisps, pistachios, swedish fish, also tempted by the chip aisle but i stopped myself. also browsed the ice cream aisle and they had tofutti ice cream pops...but no!!! my veganbodybuilding tank is coming in tomorrow and i want to be able to wear it proudly at the gym sooner rather than later. tomorrow is chest day so that means tank top...but may wait till saturday to wear it so i look more jacked. as i said i want to be alone today but we are having company and serving pot roast. at most times i feel supported by my family but im a little annoyed today. my dad criticized me for the way i responded to the incident today and i have to sit silently and watch everyone eat dead cow ass tonight. every sunday night we have my granpda over for dinner early, so its too early for me to have my cheat, even if my mom made stuff that i could eat. so i just sit there and watch, eat my fourth meal.
coach is like you can have this cheat if u promise to be in the 125s by next week. sure...
anyway i love my family and im thankful for everything i do have. i am just ranting right now. i need to keep the big picture in mind. i have my health and family and a place to live and healthy food and im on track for the contest if i dont mess it up. 6 more weeks.
second photo shoot next week. VBB tank hell yeah. hopefully the bruises on my legs clear up.
Darth Vader from Sandlot once said, "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die." Then he later died.