By Bill Maher
New Rule: If you believe you need to take all the pills the pharmaceutical industry says you do, then you're already on drugs. Yes, it's that time in the campaign where all the candidates are presenting their health-care proposals. But none of the plans address the real problem: We won't stop being sick until we stop making ourselves sick.
Because there is a point where even the most universl government health program can't help you. They can't outlaw unhealthy food or alcohol or cigarettes. Just pot, sadly. The government isn't your nanny. They're your dealer. And they subsidize illness in America. They have to; there's too much money in it. There's no money in healthy people. And there's no money in dead people. The money is in the middle--people who are alive, sort of, but with one or more chronic conditions that put them in need of Celebrex or Nasonex of Valtrex or Lunesta.
Fifty years ago, children didn't even get type 2 diabetes. Now it's an emerging epidemic, as are a long list of ailments that used to be rare and now have been mainstreamed--things like asthma and autism and acid reflux...arthritis, allergies, adult acne, attention deficit disorder--and that's just the A's.
Doesn't anyone wonder why we live with all this illness? I'll tell you why: At the L.A. County Fair, they were serving something call "fried Coke." My first thought was, "Gosh, what waste of a perfectly good eight ball." But no. They actually pour the Coca-Cola syrup into the deep fryer, then put it in a cup, and top it with sugar and whipped cream, and a cherry--you know, because fruit is good for you. Would it really be that much more unhealthy to get molested by one of the carnies?
In Hillary Clinton's health plan, the words "nutrition" and "exercise" appeared once. The word "drugs"? Fourteen times. Just as the pharmaceutical compaies want it. Their ad weasels love to say, "When diet and exercise fail..." Well, diet and exercise don't fail, a fact brought home by a new Duke University study that showed exercise--yes, exercise--to be just as effective a cure for depression as Paxil and Zoloft. So, ask your doctor if Getting Off Your Ass is right for you.
--September 28, 2007