_raVen_I don’t know if my calorie intake is to low. I think I have a BMI 22 to 23. I don’t feel skinny but I want to ad up some muscles. I eat to less greens I guess. Nuts are really great and I try to eat at least 150g a day. I changed my eating habits until I joined the forum but I think still have to work on that. How much cals do you think I need to make a good progress?!
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My first intention to start BB again was catharsis. In January this year something really awful happened to me which filled me up with a lot of aggression.

Oh, that's awful. Well, I do think working out is a good way to get out some aggression

Talking about it is probably a good thing too.
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... Until this time I turned my aggression toward myself which really sucks and isn’t the way it should be.
Yes, that's not a good way to deal with it. I think a lot of us do this, though. When we don't want to hurt others or "bother" friends with our issues, we take it out on ourselves. I think, though, we mostly do not have to do this because there is usually *someone* to whom we can talk. A friend? Family member?
The only way to add muscle is to lift heavy

. Food won't give you any muscle. If you lift heavy and work out hard your appetite should increase; so you will naturally eat more. It's not really easy or fast to gain actual muscle. It can take a long time for some. A lot of people overeat and gain weight, but it's just putting on fat which looks like bulk; but that is not muscle. It takes work to build the muscle and a LOT of rest! Make sure you lift heavy (but don't hurt yourself

) and get a lot of sleep and take rest days so you don't overtrain. I think overtraining is one reason people don't put on muscle because they don't rest in between workouts to give time for the muscle to grow.
You should eat more fruit and how about more beans?
Blend greens (leafy greens like kale, collards, spinach, chard, parsley, etc.) with fruit to make a sweet green smoothie.
Also can you make whole grains? Amaranth, quinoa, millet are high-calorie and better than pastas and breads. Add dried fruit for a sweeter, higher calorie version or vegetables, spices and herbs for a lunch or dinner.
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What is the meaning of the word vanity

My English isn’t that good

Too much concern over looks and physical aspects. It means "conceited," or thinking too much of oneself and "self-absorbed."
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Billie & Ella are really great! I like the sweet melancholy of Billie Holiday. I think she was a vulnerable and broken but pretty nice person. I especially like the atmosphere of old jazz records but I also like some new jazz stuff too (e.g. John Zorn). What records or artists are in your top 5? This would be an unanswerable question for me because I like a wide variety music.
Yes, this is a tough one! Billie Holiday has a beautiful sadness to her voice. I would say, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Aretha Franklin, Peggy Lee...Anita Baker has a great voice too. Hard to answer this question!