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alex11230

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  1. Well, I guess I'll ramble. What's the point of an introduction if I don't make a dubious impression. First, I'm most of the setup to a walks-into-a-bar joke. I'm vegan. I'm an atheist. I'm gay. It's one-stop shopping for anyone who wants to be outraged. ... I've been almost-vegan for a very long time. I suspect there are occasional food items that slip past me (example: a few weeks back, I bought soup packets that had clam juice concentrate as one of the ingredients waaaay down the list). But I've been at the 98% level for decades now. And now I'm in my late-40s, and 15 years of sedentary office toil have become unavoidably ... uh ... unavoidable. I have no delusions. I don't think I'm going to magically look like I'm 20 again. I have boney girl arms (Simpsons reference), my hair is going gray, and so forth. I'm not expecting--or wanting--to be some sexual dynamo. I just don't want to look like a schlub anymore. I don't want to look like someone's dad. I joined a gym about two months ago. I am not such a wreck that I can't run for 45 minutes three times a week. I almost enjoy it. I can use the weight machines without ripping myself up to the point where I can't walk or carry something the next day. But I can tell I am out of my depth on this. I went looking online. It was like swimming out to the breakers with an anvil in my arms. There's a guy named Ryan Henn. Here's a link (http://jacknorrisrd.com/category/weight/). That's about what I look like (on the left). A little thinner than that, but it's a close approximation. Obviously, I would prefer to look like the version of the fellow on the right. But I'm not trying to kid myself. I know that a lot of it is genetics and body type. Thanks to the Intertubes, there is more information than I could read in my lifetime on how to exercise, what to eat, what not to eat, what to do, what not to do, etc. And most of it contradicts the rest of it: don't touch carbs, carbs are your friends, eat a pine cone every morning, avocados are the key, have you tried hempseed smoothies? And so forth. Can anyone just provide a simple diet plan and a simple exercise regimen? I have no problem eating the same thing day after day for the next six months. I have no problem going to the gym three, four or five times a week and doing exercises X, Y and Z, but I admit it. I am tired. I work at a job I hate. I eat out of frustration for the job I hate. And I just do not have the patience to pore over reams of information and try to deduce who is telling me the truth and who is trying to sell me a juicer.
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