Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.

[michaelhobson]

Damn Tom, that is deep. I'm really digging some of your insights.

[zinzen]

My friend I am only deep enough to realize i am shallow.
But really though coming from a hippy like yourself I say thanks.

[Vegan Joe]

My friend I am only deep enough to realize i am shallow.

Profound statement.

[zinzen]

Ahh the drugs are such a rare thing to think about now, though the thoughts of coke still grip me, strangly enough since I aint done that shit in 5 yrs+.
I am on to the 8th step now, asking people for forgivness for being a drugged out douchebag and hurting and stealing and all that goes with that, ahh progress, such a humbling thing.

[Vegan Joe]

You're a brave man Tom.

[zinzen]

So since this is my journal I shall write about yesterday. I met up with a girl I was engaged to freaking ten years ago, aint seen her since she kicked me to the street and I had to live in my car for a few months. And I apologized to her, HA.
It was bad times and I really did have a lot to be sorry about but the irony almost killed me.
I remember the last thing she asked me to do was drive her to get birth control, after she kicked me out, my god people can be fucked huh. But I was absolutly insane back then, and talk about drugs, I used to sell opium and I really cant remember any of the time I was with her, she reminded me how I used to lite opium up and just have it burning in my living room as incense, my god I am suprised I am as well off now as I am.
Man I had a lot of that shit.
Its real hard hearing stuff you cant remember because you were certified nuts, spent time in a mental ward after all that, but hearing some of this shit, and then having it come back, well I felt like I was in that movie the butterfly effect, like I was about to fucking have a nose bleed and a seizure right there.
Well thats one person down, on to the other 1000000000000000 cats.

[beforewisdom]

Interesting.

[zinzen]

Today and yesterday got difficult for some reason. The wife and I got into it about money and boom ,started hearing all sortsa shit in my head, then my dude texted me drunk, drinking on my fav booze and all its been is hey get fucked up. Just came back from a meeting and while this lady is talking all I am hearing is hey lets get drunk.
Lame.
Well I guess some days will be like this.

[John V]

Great hanging out with you ZZ. Good things are ahead for you guys.

[Vegan Joe]

Today and yesterday got difficult for some reason. The wife and I got into it about money and boom ,started hearing all sortsa shit in my head, then my dude texted me drunk, drinking on my fav booze and all its been is hey get fucked up. Just came back from a meeting and while this lady is talking all I am hearing is hey lets get drunk.
Lame.
Well I guess some days will be like this.

Don't let people drag you down to where they are, and this is nothing against your dude. I think you're begining to realize that "THERE" is no where, and crawling out is the only way out. You're on top Tom, strive for the greater things.

And as for the money and the wifey.
I have struggled and thrived, and struggled and thrived, and struggled, and in the end it's not about the money, it's about two people moving through life supporting each other.
One day the rich man is poor, and the next day the poor man is rich, and it has nothing to do with what's in your pocket, but only what is in your heart.

[Vegan Joe]

Man that freaking plant never did me wrong, too bad for my absolute lack of self control. Maybe someday FAR down the line.

Best of luck, drugs suck when you have no control, if you are in control then drugs are just...drugs.
Out of control like me and they are a prison.

I ment to express my opinion earlier, but didn't and maybe still don't know how to express my opinion without stepping on your toes or being misunderstood.

Please don't over react or read too much into it.
But these passages I find problamatic.
In the first your craving and your inability to understand that it is not only your lack of self controll but to see that a drug, any drug affects your thinking. It's not the real Tom or the real Joe, when under the influence. We, us, need to understand that purity of mind is most important for our sanity and health. You, I, we, all need not make excuses for others who choose to cloud their mind, for what ever reason, or excuse. It really isn't OK. To be ontop of our game, to feel the real feel, one shouldn't desensitize oneself. One should know the pain, live the pain, appreciate the pain, for it is what is real. I know I'm having a hard time putting my feeling into words, but maybe next post I can express myself better or maybe after your give me some of your thoughts on what I am trying to get at.

Anyway hang in there Tom.

[zinzen]

I understand what you are saying but what i mean is not that said person in control is high all the time not living true, but that said person with self control can when the choose smoke, or drink and put the item down and maybe never touch item again.
then they are just what they are, a drug, with a use, and then to be put away for whenev, simple just another product.
But when you cant control your use it is not the items fault, i.e, its not ice creams fault that people get obese if they keep gourging on the product, its the mind that is addicted to the ice cream.
This is all, if you dont have an issue then you can see the plant as a plant that makes you feel funny, if you are like me it goes beyond the plant to something that is obsessed on, something I cant be with out, its no more that I am purchasing and using a plant, I am quelling a craving that wont stop, just like the junkie that no longer even gets high, they still need to shoot that shit in them.

[zinzen]

off to the doc with a massive headache on its 3rd day, first doc visit since sober, gotta stay strong and not get any drugs, really just going for a doctors note, but if she has some needle she could shove into my brain that would rock also.
wish me luck

[John V]

Good luck! Headaches suck!
You're helping inspire me to tackle my addictive eating. (5th day! I started a grub diary)

[zinzen]

I saw. Best of luck. We can all do this shit.
Nurse was all you don't want drugs. She was almost scared.
I walk away with celebrex free samples, turned down the muscle realxers.
I rock. So proud of me.