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Congratulations on the good start!

 

Thanks!

 

You are tired because you aren't taking in enough calories and I there is very little protein or fat in your plan.

 

** Try to eat 3 small meals and two snacks every three hours.

 

** Is the jelly sugar free? Anyway, you could switch breakast to a slice of Ezekiel toast with 1 tablespoon peanut butter and a glass of low sugar soymilk for breakfast instead. That would be a better breakfast.

 

** Drink tons of water. At least 90 oz if your serious about fat loss.

 

** Do a 20 minute walk every day to start. Everything else is extra but cardio should be your first goal to lose some of the fat,then a proper weight training program can come later.

 

 

Good luck. Hope some of these tips help. On the good side, you are very young so your metabolism is fast! So if you do follow a proper program, you should see things happen quickly. But you definitely aren't taking in enough calories and too many refined carbs and simple sugars. Start with the breakfast I suggested and add one snack and the walking. Baby steps

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

My tiredness might be due to not enough calories, but I tend to think that laziness also has some part in it. (I was mostly lazy and inactive all my life.) I think if I can get out more in the morning, before I start to want to be lazy, then maybe I might have energy to get through the day.

 

The jelly isn't sugar free, because only sugar free onces I seem to find have that nasty harmful aspartame stuff in it, and I don't go for artificial stuff. The jelly we have is Full Circle brand, Organic.

 

I saw that Ezekiel bread in the store, but it is too expensive for our budget. We've been making our own whole wheat bread to help save money. Oh, and we try to avoid soy. (I know, we're picky, so I guess it's kind of hard for us to get a good meal plan going.) We're going to start cutting back on bread soon, once we can go shopping on the 16th, and maybe try replacing it with a green veggie juice or smoothie/shake in the morning, like andesuma had suggested. I'm sure that can be affordable on us. Though could it work out to also if I have a fruit or veggie for breakfast? Would that help? Like if I only eat a fruit or veggie? Maybe alternate between veggie drinks and raw fruits/veggies for breakfast on different days?

 

I'm slowly getting a higher water intake (though on soup days, I have so much soup that I must be getting in a gallon of liquids just from the soup, lol). I think I'm doing very good so far, just gotta keep reminding myself, or have my husband remind me.

 

Yeah, that's a good idea...I should start getting walks daily, and perhaps early when I wake up! It might help me get pumped and ready to start the day!

 

Again, thanks for your advice! I like hearing other people's thoughts on how I can improve.

 

We're trying to make everything last until the 16th, then we'll work on trying to buy a better inventory of food items for the month, lol. As long as we don't go over $150 for the month (from the 16th of this month to the 16th of next month, as that's how my husband's foodstamps go), we should be ok.

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July 8, 2008

 

Breakfast: jelly bread

Lunch: split pea and vegetable soup

Dinner: split pea and vegetable soup

Snack: 1 mango

 

Another laxative tea again tonight!

 

I'm a bit more active today. I did some packing (for when we move), so I tossed around a few boxes and did a little exercise there.

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Great job! It can be tedious at first.. but, I would definitely keep up with Angela Stokes

she's gotten a lot of this stuff completely figured out.

 

 

Also, to make this seem even more doable, achievable, & matter-of-fact

Focus on Abundance

 

Focus on what you do have, not what you don't.

Focus on what you can do, not what you "can't".

Focus on doing everything 'within your budget', and doing it well.

 

 

The key to your success.. is realizing everything you want to be...

everything you want to achieve, is already inside of you.

You just need to finish the molding process

 

 

Gaia ...and your body, love you. They only know how to be healthy.

Your body only knows how to create HEALTH.

(it is our society and conditioned habits/addictions that are the interference)

The more fresh foods you add to your diet.. the better and more motivated you

will feel.

 

 

Everything is within your budget, because everything is abundant!

Do not focus on scarcity, focus on abundance.

(just keep that thought in mind, regardless if it's "reality" or not... )

 

 

 

You are doing it. You are changing your world.

And it is such a blessing that you have a loving husband

to be on the journey with...

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Great job! It can be tedious at first.. but, I would definitely keep up with Angela Stokes

she's gotten a lot of this stuff completely figured out.

 

Also, to make this seem even more doable, achievable, & matter-of-fact

Focus on Abundance

 

Focus on what you do have, not what you don't.

Focus on what you can do, not what you "can't".

Focus on doing everything 'within your budget', and doing it well.

 

The key to your success.. is realizing everything you want to be...

everything you want to achieve, is already inside of you.

You just need to finish the molding process

 

Gaia ...and your body, love you. They only know how to be healthy.

Your body only knows how to create HEALTH.

(it is our society and conditioned habits/addictions that are the interference)

The more fresh foods you add to your diet.. the better and more motivated you

will feel.

 

Everything is within your budget, because everything is abundant!

Do not focus on scarcity, focus on abundance.

(just keep that thought in mind, regardless if it's "reality" or not... )

 

You are doing it. You are changing your world.

And it is such a blessing that you have a loving husband

to be on the journey with...

 

Why is it that everytime you talk, I feel motivated? lol. You definitely have a great way with words! So inspirational! Bravo!

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July 10, 2008

 

Breakfast: jelly bread

Lunch: nothing

Dinner: half a carrot

Snack: 1 mango

 

Well, I didn't get much food in me today. I know I should be eating more, but it was hard to today. Before noon, I went into a panic attack (how I truely hate them ). I almost threw up my breakfast when I started coughing from feeling like I was choking, though luckily I didn't. Afterwards, apparently, my husband just let me sleep since he saw I was hurting a lot. Tonight, I almost didn't even want to eat, because my chest and stomach hurt like hell. But he kept telling me I really should eat something, so I figured half a carrot should be enough. A little later, I ate my usual snack, a whole mango. I'm still hurting so much, though, and my chest is slowly getting better. One thing I hope I can get over soon is these darn panic attacks. I get so emotional and upset so easily, that it barely takes anything for me to go into one. I think it's mostly due to my abusive past from my dad.

 

Anyway, I didn't do ANYTHING today, as far as exercise goes. Go figure.

 

Ok, I'm off to bed now. I'm still really tired, and I'm sure my body is probably telling me to go rest so it can heal me, right? Anyway, goodnight.

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July 11, 2008

 

Breakfast: jelly bread

Lunch: cooked whole wheat pasta and pasta sauce

Mid-day Meal: brown rice and pasta sauce

Dinner: cooked whole wheat pasta and pasta sauce

Snack: 1 mango

 

My husband and I decided to try using up the rice, pasta, and the rest of our homemade wheat bread before the 16th and to not get anymore for a while, to see how we handle our new well thought-out plan. We plan to buy enough beans and lentils to last us up to a month (which would come as very cheap, long-lasting, and liquid-filling meals -- I'd easily be getting in more liquids in my diet, too), some carrots and potatoes to use with the beans and lentils in soups, and spend the rest of our money on fresh raw fruits and vegetables (not all at the same time, though, as we wouldn't want anything to spoil). So if we can stick to this plan and not go over $150 dollars for the month, we're set! And our diet would consist of more raw foods! So, on the 16th, we shall try this out and see how it goes!

 

I did some cleaning and packed a few more boxes today. Also, I had a 2 mile walk. Yay!

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Awesome job on the 2 mile walk!

 

And that sounds like a good plan for your grocery shopping.. though I cannot stress enough...

GREENS, GREENS, GREENS, and more... GREENS

seriously... you should be adding at least 2-3 heaping salads to your

daily food intake, it will also help you ease off on the starch intake.

Which is acidic to the body and causes a host of problems.

 

I use to live on pasta and potatoes(granted all organic and homemade )

But I had severe depression, also suffered panic attacks(I've had a tramatic past

as well, so I can empathize), PTSD, as well as a very long list of emotional and mental

disorders & problems.

It was my diet that was doing the MOST damage to me.

 

 

So, if you do nothing else, add massive amounts of greens into your diet;

they are cheap, they are plentiful and full of minerals!

 

 

Just a suggestion of course, and your plan sounds really good!

so definitely stay focused, and positive girl!

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I'm with andesuma on this one!

GREENS!!

An easy way to get them is to make a smoothie (I usually start the day with one) with kale or spinach.

Here's what I use for my smoothies:

1-2 bananas (depending on size)

100-150g frozen berries

Raw kale if available otherwise frozen spinach

Spirulina

Chlorella

Ground flax seeds

water4.net DHA/EPA

 

(Bean) salads are good! Bok choy, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli is great to have in soups and stir fries (watch the oil though as it has lots of calories). It's also made fast and it's easy.

 

Another tip is to use Cronometer (it's free) and track your calories. It's a good way to see where the calorie bombs lie. You will thus discover that (non-starchy) veggies is never the problem. You can eat limitless from those.

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Awesome job on the 2 mile walk!

 

And that sounds like a good plan for your grocery shopping.. though I cannot stress enough...

GREENS, GREENS, GREENS, and more... GREENS

seriously... you should be adding at least 2-3 heaping salads to your

daily food intake, it will also help you ease off on the starch intake.

Which is acidic to the body and causes a host of problems.

 

I use to live on pasta and potatoes(granted all organic and homemade )

But I had severe depression, also suffered panic attacks(I've had a tramatic past

as well, so I can empathize), PTSD, as well as a very long list of emotional and mental

disorders & problems.

It was my diet that was doing the MOST damage to me.

 

So, if you do nothing else, add massive amounts of greens into your diet;

they are cheap, they are plentiful and full of minerals!

 

Just a suggestion of course, and your plan sounds really good!

so definitely stay focused, and positive girl!

 

Greens, and less starches...got it!

 

Really? I just went through some depression again today, though not as severe as my panic attack on the 10th. I was researching stuff online as always, but started feeling tired and sad and alone for some reason...so I put the laptop aside and laid in bed watching my husband chat to friends online and do classwork, and I just felt more and more alone, and even started feeling jealous (I can be a very needy person at times, I guess because in my past I had little to no attention from family and felt worthless). After nearly crying my eyes out, he had to take time out to come lay down with me because I was feeling so depressed. I feel bad about it. I don't know why the sudden mood change, though. But since you brought that up...what if this was in connection with all the pasta I had yesterday? And now that I think about it, I think I've been feeling more lousy on days that I ate mostly pasta, rice or bread. Well, if that's true, I should start feeling really good soon!

 

My husband and I still believe toxins in my body (along with mercury and other chemicals in vaccines) are mostly to blame for how I am...though we think there may still be some connection there with those foods, too. (Besides, why else would I go out of wack like that from eating big amounts of similar foods each time? I smell something fishy here! )

 

I'm with andesuma on this one!

GREENS!!

An easy way to get them is to make a smoothie (I usually start the day with one) with kale or spinach.

Here's what I use for my smoothies:

1-2 bananas (depending on size)

100-150g frozen berries

Raw kale if available otherwise frozen spinach

Spirulina

Chlorella

Ground flax seeds

water4.net DHA/EPA

 

(Bean) salads are good! Bok choy, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli is great to have in soups and stir fries (watch the oil though as it has lots of calories). It's also made fast and it's easy.

 

Another tip is to use Cronometer (it's free) and track your calories. It's a good way to see where the calorie bombs lie. You will thus discover that (non-starchy) veggies is never the problem. You can eat limitless from those.

 

No problem with that one. My husband and I are wanting to use oil very sparingly. And if we try to only cook soup and have all else raw, then we shouldn't have to worry much (if at all) about oil.

 

And thanks for the tips!

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July 12, 2008

 

Breakfast: jelly bread (*gasps* All out of jelly now! And no, we're not buying anymore! *misses her sweet delectable jelly* )

Lunch: cooked whole wheat pasta and pasta sauce

Dinner: cooked whole wheat pasta and pasta sauce

Snack: slice of watermelon and 1 mango

 

Ok, so I failed to get any exercise today...but I will try to make sure to exercise tomorrow!

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July 13, 2008

 

Breakfast: bread and pasta sauce (no more jelly, so I'm using leftover pasta sauce to spread on my bread, since I can't stand eating plain bread )

Lunch: watermelon (2 slices)

Mid-day Meal: watermelon (1 slice)

Dinner: bread and pasta sauce

Snack: 1 mango

 

I failed to exercise again today! (I need to get into a habit of exercising daily instead of being so lazy!...grrr... )

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July 14, 2008

 

Breakfast: bread and pasta sauce

Lunch: brown rice and pasta sauce

Dinner: brown rice and pasta sauce

Snack: 1 mango

 

Laxative tea tonight! I will probably go 1 week with it, as I keep feeling so stuffed up.

 

I packed a few more boxes today. We will most likely be moving in September (argg...I wanted to move sooner).

 

This week's weight: 236 pounds (-2 pounds)

Starting weight: 240 pounds

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July 15, 2008

 

Breakfast: lentil and veggie soup

Lunch: lentil and veggie soup

Snack: sunflower seeds

Dinner: lentil and veggie soup

Snack: 1 mango

 

Laxative tea again tonight!

 

No exercise today.

 

We'll be going shopping tomorrow, so we'll see what we can get! I think mangos may be out of the question, because their prices are going up! Grrr! I loved eating mangos...

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July 16, 2008

 

Breakfast: lentil and veggie soup

Lunch: lentil and veggie soup & slice of bread

Dinner: lentil and veggie soup & slice of bread

Snack: 1 peach

 

Laxative tea again tonight!

 

I walked 2 miles today, as we had to go shopping! We bought 14 bags of beans and lentils (which with the 2 bags we had left would make 16, meaning enough for 32 days of soups). The reason we got enough beans to last us all month is because they are cheap, and if we go past our budget too soon before the month is over, we have soup to fall back on (I know going days on only soup may not be as healthy, but it's a last resort, for just incase). We also got potatoes for the soups (we still had some carrots, onions, and garlic left). Afterwards, we stacked up on some fruits and veggies (peaches, nectarines, apples, watermelon, cucumbers, romaine lettuce, tomatoes, and celery). We spent about $60 (so we have a maximum of $90 more to spend later during the month on fresh fruits and veggies for when we run out. All in all, I think we did good! Hopefully we be able to afford a decent amount of fruits and veggies all month, but if not, we are prepared. lol.

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Great job with grocery shopping!! I look forward to seeing more variety in your daily intake!

hah

 

July 15th was a good consumption day, definitely adding one or two big salads to

a day like that would be an ideal place to start!

But you're doing well, and improving beautifully, so great job!

 

 

Your body needs hydration above all else (not just water, but REAL hydration from

fruits and vegetables), so that will help with your 'elimination' issues.. and is

more needed for your body than the laxie tea

Just a thought.

 

 

But awesome job !!!

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Great job with grocery shopping!! I look forward to seeing more variety in your daily intake!

hah

 

July 15th was a good consumption day, definitely adding one or two big salads to

a day like that would be an ideal place to start!

But you're doing well, and improving beautifully, so great job!

 

Your body needs hydration above all else (not just water, but REAL hydration from

fruits and vegetables), so that will help with your 'elimination' issues.. and is

more needed for your body than the laxie tea

Just a thought.

 

But awesome job !!!

 

Hehe...thanks!

 

Your comment about July 15th...was that because of the sunflower seeds I had? lol. We might try adding more seeds and nuts to our diet. That was mainly just a snack, though, since my husband hadn't had them in a while and missed eating them. lol. (Which, by the way, I still have about half of my bag left.)

 

Really? Well, I may still need my laxative tea for now...but hopefully I can get a lot more fresh raw fruits and vegetables in my diet by the time we move. I look forward to going completely raw and being able to eat all the fruits and vegetables I want! lol.

 

Thanks for the great tips and encouragement! Keep it comin'! lol.

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July 17, 2008

 

Breakfast: black bean and veggie soup

Lunch: black bean and veggie soup

Snack: 1 carrot

Dinner: black bean and veggie soup

Snack: 1 apple

Snack: 1 nectarine

 

Laxative tea again tonight!

 

No exercise today, but I'll try to get some exercise in tomorrow.

 

If I can remember, I'll try juicing some veggies when I wake up.

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TigreBella,

 

I'm not a nutritionist or a doctor, but I am a vegan who has had his own challenges with food, depression and chronic low self-esteem over the years. My heart goes out to you, and I encourage all the changes you're attempting to make. However, in my experience, you must get at what's driving the depression, the feeling of 'alone-ness' you are carrying - so that any changes you want to make will come more easily...

 

I don't think its simply the food we're talking about here. It seems that there are some serious, unaddressed emotional issues at play. I highly recommend working with someone, a therapist or an EFT Practitioner (check out http://www.emofree.com) to get to the heart of whats driving the bad diet, lack of exercise - all the feelings you're carrying around. To my ears, it seems like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) would really help you - as it has helped - and continues to help me through my life challenges.

 

From my perspective - and please take this as it is meant - you can't simply eat pasta and sauce (or much the same meal all day, everyday). The body appreciates variety: vegetables, leafy greens, whole, sprouted grains, different kinds of beans. I've read your posts and I find your diet alarming in this lack of variety / greens and over-reliance on sugars. There's also something about the repetition - the same meals all the time, that seems to be a red flag for something.

 

So that you stick with whatever changes you're attempting to make, you must address the feelings of being deprived, desperate, alone and all the rest. At least find a way to express these feelings fully, so that you're not expressing them through your diet, your relationships, financially, etc. If you need any tips on where to start, I'm happy to help, but I suggest reading/ learning a self-help skill like EFT, since it sounds like your challenges are emotional in nature.

 

 

peace,

Jade

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I've had depression and low self esteem for years and years.

Therapy can be pricey, and to get in to see a therapist that isn't expensive.. means being on a waiting list for a long time. I know you have a strict budget, as do I. I've never been able to receive good quality therapy as a result.

What I found helped a lot is exercise and a good diet. (Which you're now working on, and I'm proud of you!) When the bad feelings strike, it's important to talk to someone. Talk to your husband, a family member, a friend, or even one of us. You can always message me.

Many times I've hidden my feelings from the world, hoping they'd go away. They never do. This is why it's good to get those feelings out.

I sincerely hope you feel better soon

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Hey Marcina, I second that - it's healthy to express all those feelings!

 

I would add that, in my experience, feelings will find a way to be expressed, even if we sweep them under the carpet - through poor health, diet, relationships etc.. Better to talk about what's really going on then get the focus on where you want to be...

 

As I mentioned before, EFT is a self-help technique and it's free. I use it for all kinds of these issues. It's great for removing barriers to exercise, eating right. It can really help you get 'unstuck', so that you can develop better habits and move forward.

 

peace,

Jade

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TigreBella,

 

I'm not a nutritionist or a doctor, but I am a vegan who has had his own challenges with food, depression and chronic low self-esteem over the years. My heart goes out to you, and I encourage all the changes you're attempting to make. However, in my experience, you must get at what's driving the depression, the feeling of 'alone-ness' you are carrying - so that any changes you want to make will come more easily...

 

I don't think its simply the food we're talking about here. It seems that there are some serious, unaddressed emotional issues at play. I highly recommend working with someone, a therapist or an EFT Practitioner (check out http://www.emofree.com) to get to the heart of whats driving the bad diet, lack of exercise - all the feelings you're carrying around. To my ears, it seems like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) would really help you - as it has helped - and continues to help me through my life challenges.

 

From my perspective - and please take this as it is meant - you can't simply eat pasta and sauce (or much the same meal all day, everyday). The body appreciates variety: vegetables, leafy greens, whole, sprouted grains, different kinds of beans. I've read your posts and I find your diet alarming in this lack of variety / greens and over-reliance on sugars. There's also something about the repetition - the same meals all the time, that seems to be a red flag for something.

 

So that you stick with whatever changes you're attempting to make, you must address the feelings of being deprived, desperate, alone and all the rest. At least find a way to express these feelings fully, so that you're not expressing them through your diet, your relationships, financially, etc. If you need any tips on where to start, I'm happy to help, but I suggest reading/ learning a self-help skill like EFT, since it sounds like your challenges are emotional in nature.

 

 

peace,

Jade

 

Tigrebella,

 

I read through this thread and I just wanted to say that I think that Jade is right on w/ his advice about getting to the source of your depression/anxiety and healing yourself emotionally- the point he made about the repetition in your diet is especially poignant.

 

I have seen people close to me dealing with these very SERIOUS issues (depression/anxiety/panic attacks) (I just got off the phone with my dad who was crying (literally) because he has to get an MRI-- this is someone who has had CANCER and he says that having to get the MRI is the WORST thing that has ever happened to him (!) ). Also, in reading your posts (PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO THIS) I feel sometimes like you are replacing one extreme (your previous very unhealthy diet) with another (eating basically the same "healthy" thing day in and day out). In my humble opinion everyone needs SOME variety to really enjoy life (and I truly don't think that you need to spend lots of money to enjoy variety). And, I know you are a very smart person but I also get the feeling from your posts that you rely too much on "research" and not enough on your OWN body/mind...intuition. Your vegan diet should help get in touch with those parts of yourself. I wish you so much luck and you know you have the support of everyone here!

 

I really don't mean to sound like a know-it-all... please don't take my comments that way. I just wanted to second what Jade said and offer support. I also want to emphasize that YOU have the power over every aspect of your life. You are not at the mercy of anyone or anything.

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Wow...I feel like I'm basically getting bitched-out and accused here.

 

First off, my depression's getting better (slowly, but come on, I just started being Vegan just this month!), and I know I may have MANY emotional problems. As far as therapists/practitioners/etc. goes, I'm sure it's plain to see that my husband and I are just barely making it each month, and plus I don't agree with paying to see such "professionals" (due to reasons of my own which I choose not to explain). Also, my husband tried learning EFT (because he really wanted to help me), and I'm not too sure about it anymore...just seems like a placebo effect to me, as I've yet to experience any differences, so I'm not exactly thrilled about it.

 

Secondly, I know I can't eat pasta and sauce (or any meal) all day every day. I have been trying to get variety in. Trust me, after the 22 years I've spent eating every unhealthy thing immaginable, I am just slowly starting to learn to get more variety. But on the budget I have, I can't just rush out and switch up my whole diet in the blink of an eye, and then find out that my variety of foods don't even last me the whole month on my budget (and trust me, $150 a month, which is only $75 per person a month, does NOT go far! how many of you actually have that small of a budget?). It's common sense, I'm sure. I am just trying to play it smart and slowly change my diet. And where am I over-relying on sugars? If I remember correctly, I've been eating WAY less sugars than what I had before just recently turning Vegan. Keep in mind that if I were to totally avoid all sugars (except those in fruits), I'd end up turning back and gorging on mouthfuls of sugar (like I've done in the past). I'm trying to slowly get over my craving for sugar. As far as repetition of my diet, I think it's less of an alarm or red flag than the garbage I was stuffing my body with before I started this. And over time, it'll only get better. And I'm not replacing one extreme with another, but am slowly aiming toward my goal. Everyone must remember, before this month, I was always eating much much worse. I rarely had fresh raw fruits and vegetables to eat to my heart's content. I mostly ate dead cooked food that was always flavored strongly. I'm taking baby-steps. Think of it this way...just when starting to feed a baby solid foods, are you goona throw tons and tons of different foods in its face at once? NO! You're going to give a little variety at first, and then branch out to more variety! From all my research and past experience, I've come to find that yes, indeed, PATIENCE IS VIRTUE! I know from experience not to rush into things too quickly.

 

Third, I am slowly working (along with my husband) on getting to the problems of my depression and such. But as I've explained to my husband, it simply can't be rushed. Until you truely learn WHERE most of my depression comes from, you won't understand. Most of my depression is due to my weight. So what's my resolution to this problem? To handle my weight, THEN work more on my depression (IF it's not fully taken care of by then, due to losing sufficient weight). Ever notice that most overweight/obese people AREN'T happy and ARE depressed? I think that goes hand in hand, for the most part. I don't just mean I'm depressed with my looks, but also with more than just appearance (such as losing my breath while just beginning to exercise, not keeping up with my husband when we walk, etc.). I doubt my emotions have that much to do with my lack of exercise when I'm having such problems with my weight that I can barely exercise before getting completely exhausted. I think many will agree that if most of my depression comes from my weight, that it'd be best to pace myself and work on my physical health first. Especially since I'm not so depressed that I'd risk committing suicide or harming myself badly in any other way.

 

Forth, I don't rely too much on research. It may be perceived as "too much" by many, because how many people in our society today actually do research before jumping into everything they do? Besides, to have a mind of my own to say "even though this article says yes, and that one says no, in my mind I believe this one is more healthy" shows that I don't FULLY rely on research. But yes, I'll admit I do research. If not, I may be dead, or close to dead, right now. So yeah, I rather rely on researching into things than to push it all aside. But I never let it overcome my mind.

 

I dunno, maybe I'm just so tired and about ready for bed and just wasn't expecting to see all this, so excuse me for seeming a bit apprehensive even though I'm sure you all meant well. I just feel like I have to prove my case all the time (though, it seems like that on nearly all sites I go on). Maybe I'm just really tired right now, but I felt like I was being accused left and right.

 

I've had depression and low self esteem for years and years.

Therapy can be pricey, and to get in to see a therapist that isn't expensive.. means being on a waiting list for a long time. I know you have a strict budget, as do I. I've never been able to receive good quality therapy as a result.

What I found helped a lot is exercise and a good diet. (Which you're now working on, and I'm proud of you!) When the bad feelings strike, it's important to talk to someone. Talk to your husband, a family member, a friend, or even one of us. You can always message me.

Many times I've hidden my feelings from the world, hoping they'd go away. They never do. This is why it's good to get those feelings out.

I sincerely hope you feel better soon

 

Thanks, Marcina!

 

Yes, I know. Sometimes, I find it's hard to talk to my husband. But many times, he'll get me to talk to him when I'm crying, and I just "spill my guts", so to speak. lol.

 

I admit, in the past, I used to ALWAYS hide my feelings from the world, thinking no one cared...and would end up being depressed and staying in my room all the time. It got to the point where I'd get really depressed, so had to see a psychiatrist. She ended up pushing more and more antidepressants on me, and I'd willingly accept them, thinking they must be able to help. I got worse, almost to the point of suicide. That's when I first met my husband online. He was quite the researcher and explained to me how drugs can't do anything, just mess with my mind, and that I needed to get off them. Since then, I never thought of suicide much, especially not to that extent. Though, due to my abusive father, when my husband and I actually met in person, I realized it was hard for me to show my feelings, as I had to hide them all the time in the past. Over time, I've gotten a lot better with expressing my feelings to him, though.

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July 18, 2008

 

Breakfast: cucumber, celery, and carrot juice

Lunch: black bean and veggie soup

Mid-day Meal: black bean and veggie soup

Snack: sunflower seeds

Dinner: black bean and veggie soup, along with brown rice

Snack: 1 apple

Snack: 1 peach

 

Laxative tea again tonight!

 

I got a bit of a workout today. I did more cleaning and moved around some furniture.

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