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Social Pressures


ChaserHUN
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Hey, I just really wanna talk about this with someone, and I thought the best will be here. Under social pressure I mean now is that I don't feel good with the people that I liked before, I mean 2-3 years ago we went out lot of times, get drunk, act like idiots, but sometimes it just didn't feel right, I always had a bone in my heart that I was not doing something right. Last year on the rockmarathon we went in to a tent where you could speak with people about life etc. etc. They were religious, me too by the way, just not the same religion, at the end of the conversation they said let god in to your heart. After 2-3 hours I've got really drunk, and when I could went back to my tent and thought about what the dude said, and I felt even worse about the whole thing. Later I started getting in to vegetarianism, and later on became vegan. But know I don't like to hang out with people like this getting drunk and with idiots, I like humor but what they're doing is pathetic than funny. But if I go out with my girlfriend or with my band mates I run in to people like I described. And every body is drinking some of them get really drunk, and I have enough with the stupid question:"What? You don't drink??! ". I know lot of you would say just don't go out with these people, but I really hate to be alone too. But I just can't really find people whom I can get along.

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I'm somewhat in the same boat as you are. I don't drink alcohol or use street drugs. I don't like peoples stupid behavior when they are drunk or high. Yes, I do think I am morally superior than morons who need alcohol or street drugs to have a good time. Unfortunately many adults social lives revolve around the bar or club scene and alcohol.

 

My advice would be to discuss the issue with your girlfriend as far as where and the type of people you hangout with. If she cares about you she will accomadate you as far as where you guys hangout. I would suggest not hanging out with your bandmates if they get drunk. If they drink alcohol at band practice or before a show I would have a talk with them and ask them to refrain from drinking. If your bandmates are unwilling to do this then start a new band.

 

I've looked for social groups on http://www.meetup.com/ unfortunately many of the groups meetups are happy hours. I don't like being alone either, however I made a decision to not hang out with stupid drunk or stoned people and I will not compromise my decision. You may want to consider starting an alcohol free meetup group in Hungary on meetup.com.

 

When I go out it's usually with my best friend who's straight edge and his best friend/housemate who doesn't drink or do drugs. I haven't had a drink in over 4 years. I've seen alcohol and drugs destroy to many friends lives in the past. I outgrew that childish self-destructive bullshit a long time ago.

 

I rarely hang out at bars anymore or go to parties where there are any obnoxious drunk people. I haven't encounter this in a while, but if a drunk idiot is obnoxious with me I'll break his fucking jaw. If it's a woman I'll try to convince her to sleep with me which isn't difficult.

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I'm kinda going through a phase like that right now too. I'm limiting myself to one rather large bottle or a few (2-3) small bottles of good microbrewed or imported beer every couple of weeks compared the the 9 PBRs i was drinking every weekend night or night I didn't have school. I have so much more money now heheh.

 

But yeah, some of my friends are bummed out but they can deal with it.

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Well they don't get drunk at practice or like that, just if we go out to concerts or hang out somewhere, we met a lot of these drunk idiot people, and when I'm there I feel it so unuseful, I feel so bored and just wanna go home It would be cool to meet other vegans that like the same music like me etc.

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I've been in the same situation more than once but it also happened that people I considered very good friends would start to deteriorate morally and I just stopped being around them. As you keep on doing the kind of things that You like to do in the kind of environment that You enjoy you'll find new friends who share the same beleifs as you and it will be even easier for you to become friends with them.

 

That's how it was with me twice. And always I found the people that respect and care for me as much as I do for them doing the things that characterize me. My best friend now is a girl from my high school that I met in a gallery and soon realized that she loved working out: that was love at first sight lol. Nah, we started hanging out and realizzed we shared many thigns in common. Same here in Canada, my good friends are those that I met through volunteering and things like those rather than by getting hammered on a club.

 

It might happen that you will be alone at times but I've always thought that solitude is better than bad company. As long as you enjoy yourself and are not afraid of this, it shouldn't be a problem. I hope you can solve this issue, just don't stress too much about it. Do as your mind tells you; if you don't like something don't force yourself into it.

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I was in a wedding recently, where one of the groomsmen didn't drink. At all. Ever. His whole group of friends did, but it was just something he chose not to do (I don't know him well, I don't know why, but it's sort of irrelevant). Anyway, my point is, he still had his whole group of friends. They are all really close, they all hang out even when they're drinking and he's still sipping his glasses of water, and he just kind of laughs at them and has just as much fun with them.

 

My point is, I think you can be friends with people who drink, if you want to. But, if they are going to hassle you about it and harp on you for it, then they just aren't very good friends. Meaning, it's not so much the drinking that is the issue but the people you are hanging out with. It sounds like those people don't make you happy, so why continue to hang out with them?

 

You could also just laugh it off, or drink something that looks like a drink (I do that all the time, seltzer water with lime), but it doesn't sound like that is going to make you happy. It sounds like you need a new outlet where you can meet more like-minded people, so that when you DO end up going out with people like this, you can take solace in knowing that you have people who do understand you. Are you involved in any religious groups? Not something I would normally suggest, not being religious myself, but it seems like you have found peace in situations like that before.

 

In any case, good luck

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I'm in a similar situation. Maybe go out to a place you can have a bite to eat too. If I go out with my friends and they are drinking. I drive myself and just jet when I'm bored. Usually after 2 hours they are starting to get kind of drunk so it's not like they really care. Call em the next day to see how things are. Now with girlfriends it's harder. Mine pretty much stopped drinking after about a month of us dating. When someone is not around the constant drinking I think they tend to adjust and slow down.

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I think it's all about confidence. If you say to people who are used to seeing you with a drink in hand 'I'm not drinking' with any hint of embarrassment or remorse, they will encourage you to give in and drink..... But if YOU accept it as part of who you are, and don't take any shit about it..... your friends won't care. Especially if you don't make it weird. If your friends are really friends, it'll be fine.

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