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Some calesthenics as a warm up.

 

Smith Machine Behind the Neck Press: 50lbs 1x12

 

Smith Machine Bench Press: 105lbs 1x10

 

Smith Machine Row: 30lbs 1x12

 

Smith Machine Lunge: 70lbs 1x8

 

Cable AB Pull Down: 25lbs 1x12 (poor form. Reduce weight)

 

Cable Woodchop: 25lbs 1x12

 

Weighted Chest Raise: 10lbs 1x12

 

Forgot to do Hip Ab/Adduction

 

Stretching as a cool down.

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Some calesthenics as a warm up. (Forgot Lower Body Calesthenics)

 

Smith Machine Behind the Neck Press: 55lbs 1x10

 

Smith Machine Bench Press: 100lbs 1x7

 

Smith Machine Row: 35lbs 1x9

 

Smith Machine Squat: 150lbs 1x8

 

Cable AB Pull Down: 25lbs 1x12

 

Cable Woodchop: 25lbs 1x12

 

Weighted Chest Raise: 10lbs 1x12

 

Hip Ab/Adduction: 10lbs 1x12

 

Stretching as a cool down.

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Some Calesthenics as a warm up:

 

Iso Lateral Shoulder Press: 50lbs 1x12

 

Cable Pulldown: 90lbs 1x12

 

Pectoral Fly/Rear Deltoid: 80lbs 1x12 (PectoralFly); 70lbs (Rear Deltoid)

 

Leg Press: 110lbs 1x12

 

Hip AbAdduction: 15lbs 1x12 each leg

 

Transverse Vaccum: 60seconds

 

Ab Roller/Obliques (or something): 5lbs 1x12

 

Back Extension: 110lbs 1x12

 

Stretching as a cooldown

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Some Calesthenics as a warm up:

 

Arnold Dumbell Press: 30lbs 1x6-8

 

Cable Pulldown: 97.5lbs 1x12

 

Pectoral Fly/Rear Deltoid: 70lbs 1x12 (PectoralFly); 67.5lbs (Rear Deltoid) 1x6-8

 

Leg Press: 115lbs 1x12

 

Hip Ab/Adduction: 105lbs 1x12 both Ab/Adduction

 

Transverse Vaccum: 60seconds

 

Ab Machine (or something): 65lbs 1x12

 

Back Extension: 115lbs 1x12

 

Side bends: BW 1x12 each side

 

Stretching as a cooldown

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*sigh* mild stretching. I swear sometimes you get in those moments when uit seems that the whole world is against you. What makes it even worse is when people around you are delusional about what goes on in the world. It's like they're brainwashed and say things like "everything's fine," "there's nothing bad here."

 

I know I've made quite a number of foes here on the forum. It's also not as simple as saying, "just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean they're your enemy." No, it's not that simple at all. People seem to think that I'm going to change who I am, well I'm here to tell you that's not going to happen. People here need to look into themselves whether they are religious or not, and themselves what it really means to be a human being and what it means to be vegan.

 

I'm not here to cater to the wills and egos of self righteous assholes who think it's ok to justify and excuse their actions.

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Some Calesthenics as a warm up:

 

Arnold Dumbell Press: 30lbs 1x8

 

Cable Pulldown: 97.5lbs 1x12

 

Pectoral Fly/Rear Deltoid: 90lbs 1x12 (PectoralFly); 67.5lbs (Rear Deltoid) 1x6

 

Leg Press: 155lbs 1x12

 

Hip Ab/Adduction: 105lbs 1x12 both Ab/Adduction

 

Transverse Vaccum: 60seconds

 

Ab Machine: 70lbs 1x12

 

Back Extension: 115lbs 1x12

 

Side bends: BW 1x6 each side

 

Stretching as a cooldown

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Mild Stretching.

 

I was going to do some parkour today, but for some reason I didn't.

 

Sometimes there are things that Exercise and Diet can not do alone. I had to at least stretch so I got that done.

 

Living with Aspergers is not easy, but it is not impossible. As Goku from Dragon Ball Z said "where there's a will, there's a way." Sometimes social interacting to me is so hard. It doesn't help when you have extreme sensetivity. I know a lot of people on this people have told me to "grow a pair" and to "stop acting like a baby or I'll never be happy," but I'm here to tell you all those people to fuck themselves. People like you do ego gymnastics because you have to put on a mask of false pride, strength and superiority by emotionally abusing others. You make yourselves believe these things because you want to hide the fact that you're really just a bunch of cowards. Yes, Emotional health is just as important as any other kind of health.

 

"Forked tounges in bitter mouths, can drive a man to bleed from inside out."

-Creed, What If

 

Emotions are all apart of being a human being. Giving someone a proper support network is not just a good idea, it's the right thing to do. When some comes to you for support you don't anything, you don't assume anything badd and you don't assume anything good. Aspergers is not something that I would want to make up, it's not something that goes away and it's not something good to have.

 

So as you can tell, I am pretty upset because a lot that's been happening, on this forum and off this forum, has been pretty hard. Also don't anyone leave a negative comment as reply. You don't have to read my journal and you don't have to talk to me. So if you want to start a conflict with me you better make sure you can finish it. 'Cause if you don't, I sure as hell will.

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Some Calesthenics as a warm up:

 

Arnold Dumbell Press: 30lbs 1x7

 

Cable Pulldown: 100lbs 1x12

 

Pectoral Fly/Rear Deltoid: 90lbs 1x12 (PectoralFly); 67.5lbs (Rear Deltoid) 1x6

 

Leg Press: 190lbs 1x8

 

Hip Ab/Adduction: 105lbs 1x12 both Ab/Adduction

 

Transverse Vaccum: 60seconds

 

Ab Machine: 70lbs 1x12

 

Back Extension: 115lbs 1x12

 

Side bends: BW 1x12 each side

 

Plate Neck Extension/Flexion: 10lbs 1x12

 

Stretching as a cooldown

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Luckily I got some Parkour practice in today. Unfortunatly I had a lousy day at school. You see it all started on wensday:

 

A women who's in my "Health & Fitness Apraisal" and "Muscular & Cardiovascular Fitness" said an offensive word while I was in the same room as her. For some reason this woman likes to think that it's ok to use the word "retarded" is a synonym for stupid, while talking to another person. As someone who lives with a mild form of Aspergers I was greatly offended I even spoke out and mentioned how disrespectful it was to her and she said she was sorry. However she was only saying sorry to get me to shut up. In other words she didn't even mean she sorry.

 

I even asked her if I brought in something about Aspergers would she read it. I already told her I would bring in an article about HIIT so when I gave her the article about HIIT, I also gave her an article about Aspergers and an article written by a friend of mine named Robert Cutler.

 

Robert lives with a more severe case of autism himself. He uses facilitated communication to communicate. He wrote an article called "Taking Charge of My Life." http://www.mnip-net.org/ddlead.nsf/d0124d90f77b83c9852569a7005c7c68/1ca94b71e364e379852569b3007645aa!OpenDocument

 

When giving her these articles I said hopefully you'll learn something from this. And I tried to explain Robert Cutlers article. However she tried to excuse her actions by saying something along the lines of, "I ment it as a figure of speach, not in any derogatory way" and "I understand I have a sister with down syndrome." I said to her the real question is do you know what it's like to live with Down Syndrome or Aspergers Syndrome. I even told her if you want to know about Aspergers you should ask someone with it. We live with it everyday. Even though she said she was sorry, she still tried to excuse her actions. I also asked her how she would feel if I said "cunt" or "bitch?" She said that "well I can say it on my own time," and "as long as you wern't calling me a cunt or bitch its fine"...................I don't know what planet you're living on, but where I come from we respect people's differences and challenges. I sat down after saying watch what you say. She said to some of her other friends "I feel I'm being harrassed," "I'm greatly annoyed," and even worse she said to me, "you know what I don't want to read this 'cause you offended me."

 

The "R" word is a very derogatory term no matter who says it and no matter how it's used. I find it very hypocritical when I turn on the TV and words like Fuck and Shit are a lot of times censored. However words like "retarded," "gay" and even "nigger" are allowed to be uncensored. I'll admit I'm not the most politically correct person, but depending on how you use it, words like "fuck," "shit" and even "piss" don't target specific groups of people. Words like the "R" word, the "N" word and even the "B" word do.

 

John McGinley, the actor who plays Dr. Cox on Scubs has a son with down syndrome and said it best in this interview at 3:02-3:31:

 

That women in my class brings only shame upon herself. I know if she was mentally or neurologically challenged she would be crying her eyes out. As mentioned before Aspergers does not go away, however it can be mangaged. It's because of this that I have learned time and time again that life is a battlefield. We fight a battle everyday wheither it's against 100 men at arms or keeping your inner peace. It's not about picking and choosing your battles, it's about rising up through all that dispear and chaos while refusing to back down. In order to change people for the better you must be unchangeable yourself or else you'll become corrupt and bring about your own destruction.

 

http://www.tattoosymbol.com/images/symbols/thors-hammer-big.jpg

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Cardio in the AM and some parkour/martial arts practice.

 

Yea today I tried doing some parkour practice after stretching in the gym. I signed out to go for a run at the front desk at the gym (from which I ussually go do some parkour at the playground near my gym) However this time it was packed with kids. I thought that their wouldn't be any kids there with their parents. However that was a mistake on my part so after attempting to do some parkour practice I decided to stop. The reason being simply because I did not want to attract any unwanted attention by the parents and what not who were with their kids. Heaven for bid anything happened to those kids after "reenacting my behavior," or some other ridiculous reason, I'd be held responsible.

 

So what I did was went back to the gym and did some minor plyometric type training, along with hitting the bag and practicing some kicks and soft chi actions. It was hard for me to focus after what happened yesterday during class. I was so angry and clouded with anger that I almost made my fists bleed. Somewhere along the line while hitting the bag o out of control I realized one important thing about Hung Gar. You see Hung Gar is often refered to as "Tiger Crane." Hard as a tiger soft as a crane. Sort of like a ying and yang view of it. Anyways I was at that moment focussing too much on the tiger and not enough on the crane. It is important to have both. At that moment I relaxed my shoulders and continued punching and punching and punching. My knuckles were beat red. I only wish I had brought my hand wrap if I was going to be hitting that hard. Although we learn about conditioning in Hung Gar, we must do it in control.

 

I sat down with my legs crossed on the floor while trying to maintain good posture, and then an important truth came to me. I was thinking too much of what that dumb bimbo said in school. I was thinking and acting no better than she was. I that attempted to do some soft chi exercises afterwards with some success to cool me down. After showering and meeting with my friend Shoe, to discuss a spoken word offering I would be giving at a World AIDS day vigil, I realized to humble myself. Although it was terrible what happened with that ignorant bimbo, I can't let it get to me too much. Although it's important to stand my ground and face my problems head on. I have to do it in a way that doesn't allow me to loose myself, my courage and my honor. As someone who is Asatru we have a saying, "we don't need salvation, all we need is the freedom to face our destiny with courage and honor." Also just like the Japanese proverb states, "fall down 7 times, stand up 8." Although you strive to win, it doesn't mean you'll win everytime. When you do loose, it doesn't mean you should give up. It means you should carry on despite all the chaos and all the sadness.

 

I had a long philosophical and somewhat political conversation with my friend Shoe. I really honor him, because he works hard not only as an artist, but as a Super of an entire building.

 

"Wheither we fear we do too much or not enough, we keep trying."

-Superman and Captian America, JLA/Avengers

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Some Calesthenics as a warm up:

 

Handstand Push Up 1x6

 

Regular Pushups 1x30

 

BodyWeight Row 1x10

 

Isometric Hung Gar Stance: 2 minutes

 

Hung Gar Kicking Drill: 1x14

 

 

Weight Training:

 

Arnold Dumbell Press: 30lbs 1x8

 

Cable Pulldown: 100lbs 1x12

 

Pectoral Fly/Rear Deltoid: 90lbs 1x12 (PectoralFly); 70lbs (Rear Deltoid) 1x6

 

Leg Press: 190lbs 1x10

 

Hip Ab/Adduction: 105lbs 1x12 both Ab/Adduction

 

Transverse Vaccum: 60seconds

 

Ab Machine: 75lbs 1x12

 

Back Extension: 115lbs 1x12

 

Side Bends: BW 1x12 each side

 

Plate Neck Extension/Flexion: 10lbs 1x12

 

Stretching as a cooldown

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Did some cardio in the AM and Stretching later on.

 

During my cardio session, I did a HIIT session by running in my neighborhood. Which involves me wearing ankle and wrist weights, while running up a big set of stairs. Unfortunatly I ran into some trouble when some chavs who were sitting on steps started to make smart ass remarks. My second time going up they were laughing when I cut threw them to go up the stairs. They started making smart ass remarks regarding how I looked in spandex using words like "faggot" and what not. I yelled out, "whatever you fucking chavs." I knew then it probably wasn't the right idea to start that with them because their was like 10 or 15 of them and 1 of me. But I wasn't going to stop, I was determinned to keep going and run by them anyways. I'm not letting a bunch chavs make me live in fear. Just to be careful I took off my headphones my last time going up the set of stairs. One of them asked me, "do you like poo?" I asked myself, "what kind of ridiculous question is that?" Then I said to them the first thing that came to my mind, and it wasn't the most mature thing. I said, "I like your mom." They were all like "OOOHHH," "YEEAAA," "What, what" and all these other goofball things. I once again yeeled out yea whatever you fucking chavs there's like 15 of you and 1 of me your real tough. One of them said, "yea keep running!" I said as a quick and not so nice response, "at least I can make it up the stairs you lazy fuck." I'm not going to doing HIIT around my neighborhood and those stairs. Although I put up with a lot, with living in South Boston, I can only take so much. I'm not letting those chavs scare me, but hopefully it won't come to anything too harsh or violent. May the gods be at my side.

 

I also had a dentist appointment, and an appoint with my neuro psychiatrist. So that got in the way of plans today. You have to understand something about people with Aspergers. We don't like sudden changes in our regular everyday thing. When the changes occur that causes a lot of anxiety. Along with hyper sensetive hearing, smelling, touch and other senses that too can increase anxiety. Unfortunatly Aspergers/Autism does not go away. However it can be dealt with. So in order to relieve anxiety some people with Aspergers stick to a certain thing. Often times this is confused for OCD. Although some can have Aspergers/Autism and OCD they are seperate things.

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Things are really hard for me right now psychologically. It's like I live in a world where everyone has no soul and no emotions. Everyone is way too happy. It's like we live in the Soviet Union or some other Totalitarian society. It's like what ever happened to empathy, what ever happened to real support and what ever happened to morality.

 

In Asatru we say the "we believe that morality does not depend on commandments, but rather arises from the dignity and honor of the noble minded man and woman." In other words you should do good because you want to do good, not because you feel you have to. Yet people don't want to do good, because they don't know how to do good. And they don't want to know how to do good, because they fear good. That's why I've been saying a lot latly that while others fear the darkness, there are those who fear the light.

 

My anxiety is through the roof and it's not as simple as saying "just deal with it or "grow a pair." In fact to those of you who tell me these things and claim your here to support me, I have this to say, get yourself a heart. To what extent are you going to take this "survival of the fittest" attitude? Have any of you have a soul or are you just a bunch of egotistic robots? When you see someone crying you automatically assume they are weak. You call them a "baby." Now I really don't like it when people say that as a synonym for immature or being weak. I know I'm one to talk, but people who justify taking something as innocent as a baby, and making it into an offensive term, are cowards. A baby is innocent and pure. In Asatru we don't believe in the idea of orginal sin, the idea that we are neccasarily born evil. I believe that no one is born evil. The ideas of good and evil are complex. Instead of dictating what's right and what's wrong we should use our freedom, responsibility, and awareness of duty to serve the highest and best ends.

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Some Calesthenics as a warm up:

 

Resistance Band Shoulder Press: 1x12

 

Regular Pushups 1x31

 

Chin Up: 1x7

 

Body Weight Squat: 1x30

 

Hung Gar Kicking Drill: 1x14

 

 

Weight Training:

 

Arnold Dumbell Press: 30lbs 1x8

 

Cable Pulldown: 100lbs 1x12

 

Pectoral Fly/Rear Deltoid: 90lbs 1x12 (PectoralFly); 70lbs (Rear Deltoid) 1x8

 

Leg Press: 190lbs 1x10

 

Hip Ab/Adduction: 105lbs 1x12 both Ab/Adduction

 

Transverse Vaccum: 60seconds

 

Ab Machine: 75lbs 1x12

 

Back Extension: 120lbs 1x12

 

Side Bends: BW 1x12 each side

 

Plate Neck Extension/Flexion: forgot to do

 

Dumbell Shrug: forgot to do

 

Stretching as a cooldown

 

Today I partook in M.A.R.C's protest against KFC. I'm pretty sure you all know what KFC does to chickens by now. If not check out this site, http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/. One of the members said that they had a moment to talk with Robert Cheeke at the Vegetarian Food Festival back at the beggining of the month. I wish I had the apportunity to meet him. Unfortunatly I couldn't make it to the festival. But at least after the protest we all went to Piece o' Pie (a vegan pizzeia). They even now offer whole wheat crust, and gluten free crust for those with allergies.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Seriously it's like people don't give a shit anymore. They believe that they're good people and put me down be labeling me as a criminal. They don't even try, they tell me to "stop playing the victum" and "just move on." We all have to move on eventually, but we must never forget. The old saying goes "those who don't remember the lessons from history are dumbed to repeat it" or something like that.

 

It's like no matter what I do people have a problem with it. I could have a broken arm, a broken leg and a broken leg and still people won't even offer help. They might as well tell me "use your other arm/other leg." It's like no one wants to offer any help anymore.

 

It's like I can't even cry anymore. I'm not trying to sound tough when I say this, but I have become so numb when it comes to saddness. I literally can't cry because of fear of seeming weak. And it's not as simple as just getting away from my problems because of my current financial situation I can't move out of my house. I don't have any other support than my social worker or neuro psychologist. MY family is not there for me at all in any way shape or form. It sucks and I can't stand it anymore

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I remember back in second grade I heard this song. It helped to lift my spirit back then. I have come so far in my since then life and still live by the the words of this song. Especially the lyrics:

 

"Don't re-arrange, no need to change

Stay like you are, keep it all the same

But as you move along in your life

Keep an open mind, and don't forget

That if you gotta do somethin', gotta do somethin'

Believe in yourself, yourself, yourself

Hey!"

 

It helps me to realize my truth and the things I fight for day by day. I know that with great pride there must also come great shame. In more understanding terms no one likes an arrogant asshole.

 

I have also learned that in order to influence change in the world, own my soul must be unchangeable. Despite how badly my conscious has been raped over the years, I must be weather all the lies and illusions without becoming lost. And my heart must tough the poison of hatred without being harmed. I can never bow to the will of others and free not just my mind, but my heart and my soul from all false pride and continue on to seek my truths, and to always be true to myself against all the odds and against all the pain.

 

I will hold on to "what if" and carry on because the gods continue to test me to see if I will give up. I do not fear the gods though and never am I their slave. I am descended from them as is the person who lives down the street or the woman who sleeps on the bench with her shopping cart full of recycled cans. I share the earth and all known existence with those who dwell in it. I'm doing this for not just myself, but for all that I hold sacred to. My greater family be it by blood or not. And for the animals, the trees and everything. The fact that I am here is a miracle and the fact that I have to freedom to feel emotions and face my destiny with great courage and great honor is the a gift. The past is indeed history and the future holds many mysteries. In the words of master Ugwei form the movie "Kung Fu Panda," "that is why they call it the present."

 

 

I know that there is still so much I don't already know of the martial law, but at the same time I must realize that the best answers will only come in time. My sensei and other instructor from Ten Chi Kenpo have taught me well. I still to this day live on by their words. I was always taught me to remember seek knowledge and do what's best for me. Now I am learning Hung Gar and though my sifu has much to teach, and from him I know more than I have ever known. I must humble myself to know this:

 

"Physical strength is no substitute for perception. For perception is the key which unlocks the intangible powers of the spirit."

-Ryuken, from "Fist of the North Star"

Edited by Ryofire
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Today I did some major stretching.

 

I used some yoga poses as I usually do in stretching. I can almost get a full split, but things come up which cause me to become so frustrated that I skip a day. It's very hard to explain it all, but basically sometimes I need to take it easy. Any help and advice that I get sometimes isn't enough. what I need is support because there are things that I can't do alone sometimes and because of that it gets so hard from time to time.

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Today turned out a lot better than I thought. Although I unfortunatly was not able to get any exercise in I did have a great time at the holdiay party at my aunt's house. Best of all I brought my friend Serena.

 

She is an amazing woman, the reason being is not because she is beautiful on the outside, but she is beautiful on the inside as well. I let her no about how I felt about her and she let me know how she felt about me. She said she really cared about me and we shared an intimate moment with each other (which did not involve sex).

 

However on my way home from dropping her off for some reason I felt depressed. For privacy reasons I don't care to disclose too much, but plain and simple and need help psychological and emotionally as well as sexually. And quite frankly that is something I seriously need to work out with my social worker. Until then I have to hang in there and never give up no matter the odds, no matter the consequences and no matter how dark and gloomy things may seem to be.

 

Though there are things I desperatly need to change, I must never change who I am.

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Though I am working on the things I desperatly need to change, I am always remembering who I am. I am remembering what I am fighting for, I am recalling my inner truths and my virtues. I stand for justice, life, wisdom, trust, loyalty, piety, serenity, but most importantly I stand for soul. For it is the soul which carries on for all of eternity.

 

My flesh and my blood will slowly fade away once I die, but my soul and my spirit shall live on for all of eternity.

 

Once again I have been thinking of my dog Lucky. He truly was a dog of honor. He may have been "just a dog", in many people's eyes, but that dog had a soul. In fact he had more of a soul than most people I know. I don't care how cliche that is, but it's the truth. And though his body is no longer with us here on earth, the memories I hold inside of him keep him alive.

 

Just like the song "He Lives In You," from the Lion King 2 says,

 

"He lives in you

He lives in me

He watches over

Everything we see

Into the water

Into the truth

In your reflection

He lives in you."

 

 

When he died I swore to him and to the gods that I would take his spirit with me once he died. Same thing with my cat Patches.

 

I will always Lucky and Patches. I will never forget you no matter how dark things may seem to be. And although change is good I will never change who I am.

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I haven't been training like I usually have been. Things are just so intensely frustrating right now. I at least got some stretching and soft chi exercises in today.

 

Other than that my life has been a living hell. I'm not giving up though, but still I can't help but be angry and sad

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