Jump to content

Hello my name is Tom and I am a drug addict.


Recommended Posts

Hiya, most of you kids know me pretty well on here, though I aint been posting much. Well recently I have finally allowed myself to say out loud that I am in fact addicted to just a wonderfully large assortment of mind altering substances and it is high time I do something about it. So as part of my recovery I am going to post here a journal of sorts, not every day mind you but enough for me to be held accountable for me, to well ...me.

Today starts my fifth day sober, five days out of 15 years of being high everyday, no exaggeration.

Tonight I sat in a house filled with people drinking and smoking dope while popping percocets and I am happy to say that while it was friggin hard I in fact remained sober

Since starting this shit I have twitched, cried, puked, froze and sweated and generally asked myself what the hell I thought I was doing anyways. I figure I have about 3 to 5 more days of the physical aspect of withdrawl, then its on to the ever so annoying aspect of mental anguish.

Well its bed time for now, got an AA meeting at 9:45am.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 202
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Everytime you feel a craving do some sort of activity with your hands, workout! Im glad you have come out and are seeking help. We are here to help you with whatever we can buddy! Keep being sober! Nothing better than having control over your own mind and body.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tonight I sat in a house filled with people drinking and smoking dope while popping percocets and I am happy to say that while it was friggin hard I in fact remained sober

Good job, but is there any way to not be around those people so much? IMO it's very hard to quit something when everyone around you is actively participating in it...

 

Either way, good luck on your journey and I'm sure you know that everyone here is with you and here to help in any way we can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First off thanks to the both of you for your kind words and support.

Day 5 and everything is well, my body still freaking out, but food helps.

I have survived several crashes in my marriage the past few days, and that seems to be kosher for now.

Meeting was cool, nothing more really to say. Its the 4th, my 5th day of sobriety, with ragers and keggers and picnics of drunks, and smokers and tweekers all around the hood, ahh the ghetto has never been more trying and scary as today. Peace out people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great job Tom! Way to stick with it bro!

 

I echo DCNINJA...I know it's hard, it never is easy, but if you're able to break away from some of or all of the people who use the drugs you're trying to keep away from and spend more time around those doing the things you want to be doing, it will make being sober easier. It seems to work like that in a few areas of life.

 

All the best to you! Way to be consistent and care enough to make this change. Well done.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's a good decision. Being surrounded by it can make it tough. However, you will likely be more aware of any negative aspects of their behaviour and lifestyle if you are sober, and it may put you off further (potentially). Either that, or you can see it as a challenge, you see everyone else doing something, and you are not going to join in. Sometimes it can be a boost to feel like you are succeeding beyond what other people around you are doing

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am all for natural progression, not to concerned about being around people doing dope every so often as long as thats not all I surround myself with, and naturally eventually it shall fade on to other people.

Thanks again everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

day 6 has begun. I find it difficult at times, not to stay sober but to control the fact that I am now starting to feel. I have numbed myself, with reason, for so long, and now to begin to face what I have been hiding from is scary.

I find that so many cats use you, and when they dont get what they want its motherfuckyou, you dig. I have known this for eternity, but to now stand like a man and face the hellfire of shit, rage, hate and pain that gets thrown my way by people, and not have a sheild of drugs, well its rough.

Armed with only a sword of meditation, a dagger of breath, and the constant effort to stay present I charge into the night to battle those who try to bring me down, all in the vain attempt to kill em with kindness and love.

We have all at one point or another heard the serenity prayer, there is a way of saying it wrote by Rob Lind of Blood for Blood that I love best.

 

 

Please god grant me the serenity to know that the human race are all things good and all things evil at the same time for all time,

Grant me the courage and strength to do what I know is right, even though I know it is hopeless,

And above all grant me the wisdom to take it day by fucking day.

 

I shall leave this with all of you tonight,

Peace be with you.

-Tom

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's a video that really helped me with my emotional eating (of course, now I'm intentionally eating a lot but regardless). Maybe it can help you too. I imagine you're doing drugs for the same reason I was emotional eating; because there's heavy stress in your life that you don't want to deal with. If so this video could really help you out.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOJEkmsvz80

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Remember that quitting a substance is like having a breakup. It's REALLY hard in the beginning, but it gets easier and easier with time. Day 6 might seem pretty tough, but tomorrow will be a bit better and the next day will be a bit better than that one, etc. The beginning is always the worst...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From MA

 

Adapted from 1991 issues of MA's newsletter © A New Leaf

 

The Story of the Lotus Eaters

About 3000 years ago, the poet Homer told a story about a man called Odysseus, and his travels as he returned home to Greece from the Trojan Wars. He and his men met up with many adventures along the way, but the one I always remembered was when he and his crew landed on the island of the Lotus Eaters.

 

It was a beautiful island and Odysseus wanted to stay there a while and rest up. So he sent a couple of scouts to see if the natives were friendly. He waited and waited, but the scouts never came back.

 

What had happened was that they'd met up with the locals, The Lotus Eaters, who shared their food with the scouts. But their food, the lotus, was a kind of dope, and the scouts got wasted and forgot all about their mission, about going back to Greece, and everything. All they wanted to do was hang out and get high.

 

Lucky for them, Odysseus came and dragged them back to the ship kicking and screaming, and tied them to their seats and the crew rowed like hell, in case someone else ate the lotus and forgot the way home.

 

The story of Odysseus is more than just a story about a Greek guy in a boat. It's a story about the journey of our lives, and the obstacles we run into along the way. And for us dopeheads, the story of the Lotus Eaters is our particular lesson. As addicts, we got stuck in a Lotus Land, and we forgot the mission, forgot the other adventures that awaited us, forgot about going home.

 

Luckily, we each had within us our own Odysseus, our own Higher Power, who grabbed us by the collar and threw us back into the boat. So now we're rowing like hell. We may not know what's going to come next, but we're back on our way again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The beginning of the Conclusion from

 

WALDEN

By Henry David Thoreau

 

Has alway given me reason to question my place in my lifes journey.

 

 

 

Conclusion

To the sick the doctors wisely recommend a change of air and scenery. Thank Heaven, here is not all the world. The buckeye does not grow in New England, and the mockingbird is rarely heard here. The wild goose is more of a cosmopolite than we; he breaks his fast in Canada, takes a luncheon in the Ohio, and plumes himself for the night in a southern bayou. Even the bison, to some extent, keeps pace with the seasons cropping the pastures of the Colorado only till a greener and sweeter grass awaits him by the Yellowstone. Yet we think that if rail fences are pulled down, and stone walls piled up on our farms, bounds are henceforth set to our lives and our fates decided. If you are chosen town clerk, forsooth, you cannot go to Tierra del Fuego this summer: but you may go to the land of infernal fire nevertheless. The universe is wider than our views of it.

 

Yet we should oftener look over the tafferel of our craft, like curious passengers, and not make the voyage like stupid sailors picking oakum. The other side of the globe is but the home of our correspondent. Our voyaging is only great-circle sailing, and the doctors prescribe for diseases of the skin merely. One hastens to southern Africa to chase the giraffe; but surely that is not the game he would be after. How long, pray, would a man hunt giraffes if he could? Snipes and woodcocks also may afford rare sport; but I trust it would be nobler game to shoot one's self.—

 

"Direct your eye right inward, and you'll find

A thousand regions in your mind

Yet undiscovered. Travel them, and be

Expert in home-cosmography."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 6 is done kids. I am remembering my way. I feel more myself then myself has felt. And as a wise all knowing Tom once felt this same way before the dark knight of my hell took over I know that once I feel good the hard times come. Must guard myself. But I have never actually taken the decision to end all of this, and usually once I put my foot down shit is usually squashed.

Peace out people, its late and I got some more breathing to do tomorrow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I awake for day 7 feeling hung over, it seems every day I am sober I awake with this feeling, quite disturbing.

Wife slept in, though she didnt blame me, things are getting real good between us again ever since this choice.

I find it strange that for 15yrs I have been doping myself up everyday to stop this pain inside my soul and as of right now it seems that pain has been the dope.

Well let me say that different. There is nothing on gods green earth wrong with some marijuana, the drug I used to dig. NOTHING. there is just something about me that does not go well with drugs. I fiend, I obsess, I need to have something to alter my mood or I think of nothing else. So now that I have freed myself of that, well I am feeling mucho better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great decision!

 

Stick with it, it gets easier with time. The first month - 3 months is always the hardest, after that it gets easier and easier.

 

Dissociating with that lifestyle helps too. Maybe consider stopping hanging out with those people who are smoking pot and poppin percs. At least for a little bit.

 

Feel free to shoot me a pm if you wanna talk.

 

-Josh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 week sober, 1 week in 15 years, my god how in the fuck did it take 15 years to find the solution to my immediate misery, how did I get in a circle of taking drugs to kill my hatred only to find it was the drugs making me hate?

fuck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share




×
×
  • Create New...