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but now I'll never surrender

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I weighed myself this morning... awful! 48.8, that means I have put on 1.1 over the weekend... I'm sad, discouraged, angry at myself and feeling like giving up. I don't want to go to the gym so that people ( and specially the trainer) don't see me fat...I don't want a healthy diet, as for right now, I would gladly starve myself in order to lose weight...I'm desperate... why the F**** can't I eat less? I feel like a pig . IHMAIWTD.

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Aw! Hey everyone feels like this from time to time. The gym is not for people to judge you. If they do they are a-holes. If you are at the gym the only judgement intelligent people will make is that that woman is working hard, she cares about her health.

Don't give up, just like your thread title, never surrender. It takes time and over eating urges are never easy to deal with for anyone. Just keep working at it. Try to add more healthy foods and that will eventually help you to crave the unhealthy less. Maybe not completely but definitely less.

Its good to hear that you are taking the first steps towards being healthier even if they are difficult and frustrating. Just remember there are tons of us out there that can relate to your frustrations. Also there are tons of success stories, from those same people.



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Thanks Dylan! That's really nice.


I went to the gym and did 1 hour bodycombat + 20 minutes abs exercises + 1 hour bodypump.... It was a blast, I really enjoyed the bodycombat! I had so much energy! and bodypump is always great, all the more since today a friend came to the class too...


As for eating:

Breakfast: banana + protein shake

lunch: hemp sausage + protein shake

pre work-out: 200 gr, carrots and 2 bananas, (...and 1 piece of sweet weilliam chocolate)

dinner: salad with tofu + 2 soy yogurts + protein powder + small banana


Total calories: 1160

carbs 137

protein 88

fat 34



...I feel bloated... I hate it, I hope tomorrow the gas is gone...

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I'm trying to diet according to macros, 40% p, 30% c and 30%f... HARD! I normally fall a bit too short in protein and a bit too high in carbs and way too high in fat! ... According my plan it should be 90g carbs 40 g fat and 120 protein...


Yesterday for example I had: Totals :

1,249 calories

107 carbs

91 fat

9o protein



Totals 1,471 calories

137 carbs

75 fat

93 protein


I haven't weighed myself today but yestarday I did and had dropped 700gr...


I have to plan a bit better and more realistically, cos when I work out I get really hungry and 1250 calories a day might be a bit little...I don't know...well, as far as I'm losing weight (and fat) I'm happy

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Hmmm... I'm having many more calories than I planned and not because I'm bored but because I'm hungry.... maybe I should go up to 1500 but like that I wouldn't lose weight I guess.... I put on 300 gr.

...and I read all that stuff about processed foods , how bad they are ...and now I'm having everyday this fake meat...and I don't even like it so much...just to have more protein and less carbs....


I still have cravings...chocolate is still my downfall... The information I'm finding here is really helpful but I fail when it's about putting it into practise.... I'm disappointed in myself. I just want to lose weight and fat and it's not working! I allow myself too much....and beat myself up for it! how stupid!....


I just want a plan to wich I can stick and that is effective for me....

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I changed for 45% c, 35% p and 20% f in 1100 calories...I hope it works....and especially I hope I can stick to it.... fake meats are not in my plan anymore, just raw protein powder and raw protein bars along with fruits (not many because of the carbs) , vegetables and soy milk, tofu and soy yogurts... at least it is a menu i can be looking forward to eat.... that will make "dieting" easier....


My plan looks like that ( I used the complete time at the laundromat to write it down, LOL):


Breakfast: Sun Warrior + Soy milk + 1/2 raw organic protein bar


Snack: 1 glass soy milk (with coffee)


Lunch: Sun Warrior + soy milk


Pre workout: 1 banana + 20gr. dark chocolate


Dinner: Tofu salad + 2 soy yogurts with protein powder.

(as alternative if I have to eat on the way or I feel like something sweet I would have a vega protein bar - when I receiv them, that is- and just one soy yogurt)


The plan sounds yummy, so there is no reason that I couldn't stick with it! It seems enough not to be (very hungry) but also not much so that I can create a calorie deficit and therefore lose weight.


Let's hope for the best!!!

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I know... I'm really short 1,57 and I know I'm not fat but I HAVE fat and... I come from an eating disorder...so I've been much thinner and have a bit of a problem accepting my current weight.... Last year I was weighing 41 to 42... tho I still had fat! I didn't do any sports or anything...just reducing calories to about 600/day... but I don't want that anymore...I'd be happy weighing 44 or 45 but with a bit of muscle ...I still have love handles (I hate them!) and fat in the belly region... but it's just 2 months since I started training so I hope it will change

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Starting all over again. Yesterday I fucked up my diet big time


I'm confused about what "diet" to follow but if one thing is true that is that the best diet is the one you can follow...so now...taking into account that I have to follow it, wait...that I WANT to follow it!!!, that I don't have time to cook (neitehr I'm good at it) and that I want to lose fat (my caliper said I have 38% fat... WTF?! I think I did it wrong, that is according to the measuremet overfat! and I can't believe I'm overfat weighing 48 (106 lbs yesterday) kilos even being so short! 1,57 (5"2)...


Anyways... I want to lose fat and maintain muscle....first things first and that is...losing fat first...


As far as training goes I want to do 5 days a week 50 minutes cardio (BODYCOMBAT) and 50 minutes BODYPUMP (That is weights but lots of repetitions with rather small amounts of weight)... I REALLY hope I can start today, I'm feeling still a bit sick, my ear hurts, I thought it was the throat but now I thoink it is the ear... FUCK! I hate these things...who doesn't?!


As far as diet goes.... I'm soooo confused.... If I want to get lean fast (and I really need the motivation), maybe the best thing would be to adapt the pre-contest diet... and mainly eating clean, that means fruits, vegetables and raw protein powder....it doesn't sound bad...as long as I still can have at least one banana a day!

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Fuck! I think I have an infection in my ear.... so I can't work out. I'm taking some homeopathic stuff I got in the pharmacy...I hope it works !




Made a plan ...according to some calculator I found in bodybuilding.com, for me to lose fat I have to stick to about:



Cal : 1032

carbs 103

protein: 130

fat: 12


I managed to create a plan for that, difficult as it was but...I think I'll be hungry all the time! :/



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1 hour BODYCOMBAT: BODYCOMBAT™ is the empowering cardio workout where you are totally unleashed. This fiercely energetic program is inspired by martial arts and draws from a wide array of disciplines such as karate, boxing, taekwondo, tai chi and muay thai. Supported by driving music and powerful role model instructors, you strike, punch, kick and kata your way through calories to superior cardio fitness. Like all the LES MILLS™ programs, a new BODYCOMBAT™ class is produced every three months with new music and choreography.



1 hour BODYPUMP BODYPUMP™ is one of the world's fastest ways to get in shape as it challenges all of your major muscle groups while you squat, press, lift and curl.



25 min CX WORKS

Core training

Strength training

Functional fitness

Educated and experienced fitness professionals

Group personal training





Breakfast: sun warrior+ blueberries+ banana


Snack: soy milk light (with coffee)


Lunch: banana+ sun warrior+ soy milk light


Dinner: salad greens + carrots +banana + strawberries + soy protein powder + soy milk light


Post-dinner: sun warrior (2 scoops) + soy milk light



Calories 1042

Carbs 130

Protein 143

Fat 12



I did good!

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I really was not on top of my game today... After yesterday's training and about 5 hours of really bad quality sleep I was a mess in the gym today... I was lacking energy and even concentration....


Anyway I did it :


1 hour BODYPUMP ( with a bit less weight than other times)


as for eating:


calories 1070

carbs 148

protein 103

fat 14


and all pretty much from pea protein, bananas, berries and soy milk...+ some greens


could be better!


...still a bit bloated, I think it was the soy isolate protein yesterday... :/

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I've been kinda lazy during the week:


sunday: bodycombat, bodypump, cx works

minday: bodycombat , bodypump

tuesday: OFF

wednesday: bodycombat, bodypump

thursday: OFF

friday: bodycombat, bodypump


today.... I have a workshop that has nothing to do with this, a raw vegan dessert workshop and I'm freaking out because for sure I will eat and I won't be able to go to the gym... so I'm thinking about not going... tho I have paid it :S Stupi9d, I know...


As far as dieting goes, the summary of last week:


- I was quite disciplined

- calories kept below 1200 (except yesterday, 1300)

-macros more or less ok (except yesterday: too much fat!... I was craving and had some PB, which was not in the plan, wich made at the end of the day about 40 gr. of fat instead of the 12 I wanted)



I had less energy to work out, I had vravings, I didn't enjoy my breakfast that much, I was (and still am) really bloated BUT... I lost weigt (47.6 today =104.9 lbs)... so I'm happy!

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Yesterday I attended 5 classes:

1h. bodycombat

20 min abs training

1 h bodypump

20 min cross training

20 min abs training (2nd session)


I did the cross training for the first time, it was really exhausting! before starting I asked my trainer, (since he knew U had attended the other classes before) if it would be too much and he told me that it wouldn't...so even though at some point I thought i couldn't... I just sucked it up and kept doing The result was not great (didn't get to complete the fifth round) but I'm proud I did what I did and I will get better! my trainer also said he was proud of me <3 <3 <3... so all i9n all a great Monday! I'm sooo happy i'm having vacation now...


Nutritionwise it was a bit much, almost 1500 calories, 120 carbs// 128 protein// and WAY too much fat.... :// (I'll have to ban the PB!!! and ...normally I don't have chocolate at hand...but yesterday I did...)


As for today:


1h. bodycombat

1 h. bodypump

20 min abs training


about 1300 calories 111 carbs, 122 protein, 39 fat


After such an exhausting day yesterday I was really fit today, not exhausted in the least and at the top of my game the whole time! so different from last week!!! maybe the calorie increase, maybe the motivation (my favorite trainer is back from vacation), maybe being off of work... I guess a bit of everything... oh! and maybe the vega recovery accelerator is helping too!


The worse thing last week and this week are the cravings...chocolate! and bananas.... If I don't have chocolate i want bananas, but so many carbs at night is really not a good idea....



I took my "before" pic in a few weeks I'll take a new one and...maybe post it....I'm a bit self-counscious....but if I see any progress I will...maybe in 4 weeks...or 6

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calories about 1200

carbs about 125

protein about 118

fat about 29




1 h. bodyattack ( cardio)

1 h. bodypump (lifting)

20 min abs training



CRAVINGS! I'm trying to "eat clean" but I have the worst chocolate cravings ever!!! ...and I gave in... I had 12 grams of dark chocolate included in my pre-workout meal and some chocolate soy snack... At least macros are still Ok-ish... but I can't get shredded eating chocolate I guess... Everywhere I get information about losing fat they insist that you "eat clean"...


Now, for dinner I was really tempted to eat a banana...but that's a bad idea at night so.... I'll have to be strong and not give in!... I had a half and 5 strawberries

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whatever I'm doing it's working, haha...maybe I can be permissive enough as to have (like yesterday) a bit of chocolate always taking into account that the macros don't go to crazy! What I'm ding is working but still I was thinking about carb cycling for better results ... It would be high carb thursdays and mondays ( the most exhausting workouts of the week) and low carb the rest....as for no carb, I think I'll say "no, thanks"


I'm having a lot of anergy and wirking out hard and good. Yesterday my trainer told me for the second time this week that's he's proud of me <3 <3 <3

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I wanted to have a rest day and no-carb day but I was bored so I went to the gym: but just 1 h. bodycombat (cardio),and it was really cool... and today I staryed rather low-carbish...but not really (75 carbs)... way too much fat and way too much calories tho...




calories 1385

carbs 75

protein 153

fat 54



feeling lonely

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