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VEGAN CHAINSAW GIRL pics and progress


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ya...I do have a tiny waist...

5 ft 8.5

 

I know women who would donate a kidney to get a waist as small as yours, LOL

 

5 8 is a good advantage, most female BBs are very short.

 

Since this picture I've been extremely sick. Haven't been to the gym in 10 days. I OD'd on sleep meds and rather than being extra sleepy I went 38hrs with no sleep having trouble breathing and my whole body shaking and had slurred speech and couldn't walk. Its way beyond depression.

 

Sleep medication is evil. 8 Years ago I had chronic insomnia. I was lucky that I came across a book detailing how bad sleep meds are and telling me to get off of them before I got hooked. Beyond drinking as much water as you can, there isn't much you can do besides wait to get the drugs out of your system. On the upside, once they are out, your depression will probably lift a bit.

 

I was sick last week and slept a lot. Life looked bleak until my sleeping patterns returned to normal.

 

Did you used to be much larger?

 

How many years have you been lifting?

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lifting 16 months. I am the biggest I've been in my life. Naturally I am really scrawny.

I am dependent on sleep meds at this point. Depression has been my whole life but as long as I can sleep I can be relatively functional and everyone thinks I'm fine but even one night of missed sleep causes me to have panic attacks or violent fits and be suicidal. I wouldn't be on meds if it wasn't life threatening...and I only go to the doctor when it comes to that final decision of jumping off the city parkade or taking pills for a few days. But...now I can't sleep at all without them. I wouldn't last more than a few days without them.

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lifting 16 months. I am the biggest I've been in my life. Naturally I am really scrawny.

 

I have friends who started off naturally slim, you have had amazing gains for 16 months.

 

 

I am dependent on sleep meds at this point. Depression has been my whole life but as long as I can sleep I can be relatively functional and everyone thinks I'm fine but even one night of missed sleep causes me to have panic attacks or violent fits and be suicidal. I wouldn't be on meds if it wasn't life threatening...and I only go to the doctor when it comes to that final decision of jumping off the city parkade or taking pills for a few days. But...now I can't sleep at all without them. I wouldn't last more than a few days without them.

 

Wow, keep taking them. Has the problem been equally bad through most of your life or did it set in at puberty?

 

If I am being too personal, just don't answer.

 

Does working out help?

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Problem started about 15 months ago. I was consciously over training but I have nothing else to do with my time. Since the May competition I have backed off a lot at the gym but other anxieties in life have rendered me often non functional for days or weeks. Yesterday was my first day at the gym in 11 days. I'm dramatically weaker and lost weight. I can never get past 141 lbs.

The guilt of taking animal tested meds is enough to make me suicidal on its own. I won't be able to take them for long and then I'll choose lack of sleep regardless of consequence.

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that's a debate that I've already had in another post. I do limit my driving. The pigs blood in the plywood of my house bothers me I see a small difference in that animal testing is a willful intent, where as some animal products are left over from other cruel industries. Not much difference tho. Its precisely why I don't want to be a part of this world and deeply question taking a medication that allows me to stay here.

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Even the most hardcore animal rights activists I've known and the most unforgiving ivory tower ethicists I've read accept the things you have mentioned as reasonable. You have as much right to be here as they or anyone else does. Sometimes when you are not feeling well things like bleaker than they are. Cut yourself a break. You can do a lot of good with you weight lifting by showing a lot of people that you do not have to eat a nasty diet to be very strong and healthy.

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I tend not to listen to what animal rights activists and ethicists think because it isn't the same opinion as a lab rat would have. Animals don't willingly suffer and give their lives, and nobody asks/considers their opinion. Ethicists etc still value human life over animal life...but I place value depending on an organisms ability to suffer. Which is equal between humans and most animals.

Sadly I'm in a small town so my vegan impact isn't much if anything so far.

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a right to be happy....I question that. Says who? Only people. We imagine we have that right. We don't give animals a right to exist or be happy so giving it to ourselves seems greedy to me and I don't want any part of that.

I hear what you are saying about animals, but I can't grasp the logic of going through your life having made a choice to be consciously unhappy IMHO everybody has a right to be happy; by choosing not to be happy would also affect any humans or animals you have contact with (animals are great at picking up the mood and/or mental state that we're in). When I was happy my dog used to be happy too, when I was down he was down as well. If one of my work colleagues is having a bad day I usually pick up on it and I start to feel the same way. If I am brutally honest, if I knew someone that appeared to be deliberately unhappy I definately would limit the time I spent with them (excluding depression of course, as if that were the case I'd try and work with them to get through)

 

When I'm feeling unhappy, hard done by or whatever I just think of those less fortunate than myself and realise I have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes it will spur me to make a donation to the RSPCA or just donate some dog or cat food to one of our local animal shelters. You only get one life (that we know of anyway), so we should all be using our vegetarian/vegan status as a positive thing otherwise it's not going to inspire many people is it ?!

 

Sorry for the long post, and there's nothing personal in it so please don't read into anything. I just think anybody and everybody has the right to go through life as a happy person with the ability and possibility of empowering others with their beliefs

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we differ in opinions I guess. I don't "choose" unhappiness, I choose to live my natural life without using other species. Some people are born happy and some aren't. That's reality. A lot of us are vegan because we don't want to use animals for our food. Some of us take it further than that. No other animal should have to suffer in my place to make a medication so that I can be happy instead of it.

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I don't think happiness is a constant state, it's something that comes and goes and is largely out of our control. I don't think there is such a thing as a "right" to be happy, that seems like a man-made concept. You're either happy at a given point, or you're not. Some people will find their lives and experiences more positive than others, some will be very low or unhappy a lot of the time for whatever reason.

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precision, I know what you mean. a lot of the things i've learned in life have made me less happy than i was before i knew them. would it have been better to remain in blissful ignorance. maybe, in some respects. but i'm a curious animal, and i can't unlearn what i've learned. i'm reading a book about the racism in the criminal justice system called "the new jim crow" by michelle alexander and i can't believe all the awful things that are going on in this country that i never knew about. it makes me cry. but for some reason i'd prefer to know the truth that these things are happening than blindly smile and think that we live in a fair and just society. maybe on some level my depressive personality is drawn to learning about depressing truths. i dunno. the truth is we have no rights. we have privileges that are granted to us by the powerful, and the powerful can just as easily take those privileges away from us.

 

anyway, if something is true and it's upsetting, should i just pretend it's not true for the sake of being happy? that's what most of us do, to be honest. that's why we all live our lives as if gobal climate change isn't real and isn't happening right now. it's just too horrible to think about. but because we don't want to think about it, we are powerless to do anything about it until it's too late.

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I really hope you can find it in yourself to get some support and help. Maybe think about seeing a therapist, talk things through with someone you feel comfortable talking with and then maybe at some point after that you can look at trying to get off the meds. I don't want to come across as sounding patronising, I'm genuinely just trying to help. I'm in my mid 30's now and for more than 10yrs I battled anorexia and depression, thankfully I got through it and I didn't go through with the thoughts of suicide I was regularly having.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3lqlJRO03c

 

If you have a spare 12mins that clip is worth watching, you owe it to yourself and others to live a happy life

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Thanks for all the good comments folks....it motivates me for sure.

 

I now have a profile in the featured profiles section of this website. And my little feature as a vegan fitness model in this months issue of Vegan Health and Fitness Magazine.

 

Sadly I'm not going to reach my goal of 150 lbs. I get going good for a week or so and then unrelated stress takes me down and I stop eating. Naturally I only eat maybe 2000 cal a day because I'm naturally a very thin ectomorph. Forcing 3000 - 3500 cal to bulk is very uncomfortable. If I'm stressed I'm lucky to take in 1000 cal because I feel like throwing up all day.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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