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Coconut works miracles on your ass


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I was looking at nutritional information for coconut as I have recently realised how tasty it is. I came across this website with tonnes of really intense information on coconuts! Check it out, it's like it's magical or something...

 

http://www.coconutresearchcenter.org/

 

Kills viruses that cause influenza, herpes, measles, hepatitis C, SARS, AIDS, and other illnesses.

 

Kills bacteria that cause ulcers, throat infections, urinary tract infections, gum disease and cavities, pneumonia, and gonorrhea, and other diseases.

 

Kills fungi and yeasts that cause candidiasis, ringworm, athlete's foot, thrush, diaper rash, and other infections.

 

Expels or kills tapeworms, lice, giardia, and other parasites.

 

Provides a nutritional source of quick energy.

 

Boosts energy and endurance, enhancing physical and athletic performance.

 

Improves digestion and absorption of other nutrients including vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.

 

Improves insulin secretion and utilization of blood glucose.

 

Relieves stress on pancreas and enzyme systems of the body.

 

Reduces symptoms associated with pancreatitis.

 

Helps relieve symptoms and reduce health risks associated with diabetes.

 

Reduces problems associated with malabsorption syndrome and cystic fibrosis.

 

Improves calcium and magnesium absorption and supports the development of strong bones and teeth.

 

Helps protect against osteoporosis.

 

Helps relieve symptoms associated with gallbladder disease.

 

Relieves symptoms associated with Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, and stomach ulcers.

 

Improves digestion and bowel function.

 

Relieves pain and irritation caused by hemorrhoids.

 

Reduces inflammation.

 

Supports tissue healing and repair.

 

Supports and aids immune system function.

 

Helps protect the body from breast, colon, and other cancers.

 

Is heart healthy; improves cholesterol ratio reducing risk of heart disease.

 

Protects arteries from injury that causes atherosclerosis and thus protects against heart disease.

 

Helps prevent periodontal disease and tooth decay.

 

Functions as a protective antioxidant.

 

Helps to protect the body from harmful free radicals that promote premature aging and degenerative disease.

 

Does not deplete the body's antioxidant reserves like other oils do.

 

Improves utilization of essential fatty acids and protects them from oxidation.

 

Helps relieve symptoms associated with chronic fatigue syndrome.

 

Relieves symptoms associated with benign prostatic hyperplasia (prostate enlargement).

 

Reduces epileptic seizures.

 

Helps protect against kidney disease and bladder infections.

 

Dissolves kidney stones.

 

Helps prevent liver disease.

 

Is lower in calories than all other fats.

 

Supports thyroid function.

 

Promotes loss of excess weight by increasing metabolic rate.

 

Is utilized by the body to produce energy in preference to being stored as body fat like other dietary fats.

 

Helps prevent obesity and overweight problems.

 

Applied topically helps to form a chemical barrier on the skin to ward of infection.

 

Reduces symptoms associated the psoriasis, eczema, and dermatitis.

 

Supports the natural chemical balance of the skin.

 

Softens skin and helps relieve dryness and flaking.

 

Prevents wrinkles, sagging skin, and age spots.

 

Promotes healthy looking hair and complexion.

 

Provides protection form damaging effects of ultraviolet radiation form the sun.

 

Helps control dandruff.

 

Does not form harmful by-products when heated to normal cooking temperature like other vegetable oils do.

 

Has no harmful or discomforting side effects.

 

Is completely non-toxic to humans.

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I was just thinking of starting a thread on coconut.

 

I've been using coconut oil topically for a couple months (it really helped heal a nasty poison ivy patch on my face that made me look like a burn victim) and more recently internally, have found some very nice coconut products.

 

My latest favorite is "raw coconut dream" from www.livingtreecommunity.com . This stuff is orgasmically delicious! It's made from young coconut, freshly harvested and chopped up, then pressed within an hour. It's like a cross between a very good quality coconut oil (the kind that smells like coconut) and shredded coconut. I haven't figured out quite what to do with it yet, so I've been eating it by the fingerful (I just grab some when I pass the jar).

 

Now, where are the 'ass benefits' you hinted to in your title? Maybe I read your post too quickly and missed them. (Does it have anything to do with stuffing two coconuts down the back of your pants to fake firm glutes?)

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You have to rub coconut oil onto your buttocks, and it firms it up real nice and also makes a pleasant fragrance. Also if you put a bit of coconut oil onto toilet paper after you have engaged in a lavatory-related activity, it is very nice and regulates your anus.

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You have to rub coconut oil onto your buttocks, and it firms it up real nice and also makes a pleasant fragrance. Also if you put a bit of coconut oil onto toilet paper after you have engaged in a lavatory-related activity, it is very nice and regulates your anus.

 

 

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Alas, my second post is fictional. But my original post is serious. It does say though that coconut is good for the skin. But by 'your ass' I had just meant 'you' because I am from the ghetto and that's how we speak here when we're not stealing car stereos and G-riding and pimping yo momz etc

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But by 'your ass' I had just meant 'you' because I am from the ghetto and that's how we speak here when we're not stealing car stereos and G-riding and pimping yo momz etc

 

Ah, these modern idioms.

 

Now, if you had said "Coconut is 'the bee's knees' or 'the cat's meow,' I wouldn't have misunderstood.

 

Coconut oil does make a great massage oil (so other people can work it into your ass skin). Even when the room temp is cool and the oil has solifdified, it's liquid at body temp.

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Well thank you SO much for waiting for so long to tell us that the second post was a fib. Been rubbing coconut on my ass for 3 days now!! do you know what it's like to be chased around an apartment by a coconut hungry cat??

 

but boy does my ass have a nice "glow" to it. I think I'm going to try to become a butt model. I have the right body type for it. I'm known in some circles as "un-butt" or perhaps "The man with no ass"

 

Let's just say that I create a paradox of the universe whenever I wear my ass-less chaps. Earthquakes, fires... it's freaky-doo

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Well thank you SO much for waiting for so long to tell us that the second post was a fib. Been rubbing coconut on my ass for 3 days now!! do you know what it's like to be chased around an apartment by a coconut hungry cat??

 

but boy does my ass have a nice "glow" to it. I think I'm going to try to become a butt model. I have the right body type for it. I'm known in some circles as "un-butt" or perhaps "The man with no ass"

 

Let's just say that I create a paradox of the universe whenever I wear my ass-less chaps. Earthquakes, fires... it's freaky-doo

 

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I think im going to duct tape one half on each cheek (might need to trim them donw a bit since they are very cup like now). But I think after I leave them on for a week, my ass should look great. This is guaranteed right richard? I guess even if it doesnt work the ass protection alone is great. I can fall down and not sustain brusies, and getting kicked in the rump wont matter at all.

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I think im going to duct tape one half on each cheek (might need to trim them donw a bit since they are very cup like now). But I think after I leave them on for a week, my ass should look great. This is guaranteed right richard? I guess even if it doesnt work the ass protection alone is great. I can fall down and not sustain brusies, and getting kicked in the rump wont matter at all.

 

Yes it is 100% guaranteed! Be sure to remove them when you use the lavatory though.

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  • 1 month later...

Okay, this thread was both exciting and funny! Coconut oil on my ass! That was a good one.

 

Anyway, I just love young coconuts! I have averaged one per day for the last 5 years. I fell in love with them on a trip to Brazil. I read about them before going and WAS NOT excited about the taste! My only experience with coconut had been the awful dry stuff in Halloween candy as a child and I wasn't a big fan. However, I was determined to eat nothing but coconuts for a few days in Brazil due to the fact that they are one of the most remarkable foods on the planet.

 

When I drank the water of my first coconut. It was nothing short of perfect. My body and mind screamed BRILLIANT! It was simply something that had been missing from my body for a long time. The somewhat sweet, very light coconut meat was NOTHING like the dry Halloween candy I remembered. You see that shredded coconut comes from mature coconuts (the hairy brown ones in the supermarket).

 

One of my favorite coconut facts is the water is used when conventional IV solution! Yes, it is done around the world. In particular, it was used to save lives of American GI's in the South Pacific during WWII! The water is sterile and very similar to blood plasma! Basically, it is natures Gatoraide. Or better yet what Gatoraide wishes it was, lol.

 

Lauric acid rocks! (the anti-viral, anti-bacterial, thyroid regulating, all-star component in the coconut oil)

 

Peace,

Veg

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