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Rescue group's answering machine


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Rescue Group Answering Machine

 

- Author unknown

 

"Hello: You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Animal Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation":

 

Press 1 if you want free veterinary advice.

 

Press 2 if you know we are not actually trained veterinarians, but want to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.

 

Press 3 if you have a 10-year-old dog or cat and your 15-year-old son/daughter?, wife/husband? has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away.

 

Press 4 if you have dogs or cats, just had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs/ cats because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs or cat at the same time!

 

Press 5 if your dog or cat is sick and needs to see a vet, but you need the money because you are going on vacation soon.

 

Press 6 if you just got a brand new puppy or kitten and your old dog or cat is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.

 

Press 7 if your little puppy or kitten has grown up and is no longer cute and small.

 

Press 8 if you are an elderly person and want to adopt a "cute puppy or kitten who is not active and is going to outlive you"

 

Press 9 if your relative has suddenly died and you can't care for their elderly dog or cat - not even temporarily while YOU try to find him or her a good home, because it will cramp your lifestyle.

 

Press 10 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150-pound, 8-year-old dog.

 

Press 11 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the dog or cat you no longer want.

 

Press 12 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your dog or cat.

 

Press 13 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a dog/cat outside in our yard in the middle of January, (which is in fact, better than just leaving the dog/cat without a message).

 

Press 14 if you are going to get angry because we are not able to take your dog or cat that you have had for fifteen years, because we have run out of room, (not to mention that it is not our responsibility!).

 

Press 15 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog or cat to be euthanized because we can't take them in.

 

Press 16 if you would like one of our "perfectly trained, housebroken, kid-friendly, cat-friendly, purebred tiny dogs who do not shed", that we have an abundance of!!

 

Press 17 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor's cat.

 

Press 18 if you have already called once and didn't like what we told you, but thought when you called back this time you would get a different person with a different answer.

 

Press 19 if you want us to use the shelter space that would go to helping a stray, so that you can board your own dog while you are on vacation, (free of charge, of course).

 

Press 20 if you have bought your children a duckling, (baby chick or baby bunny) for Easter, but now it's July and they're bored of that animal.

 

Press 21 if you want us to take your female dog or cat who has already had several litters, but you can't spay her now because she is pregnant again, and that would be against your religion!!

 

Press 22 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because she has been declawed, (by YOU), but are not willing to accept the responsibility that the cat's behavior was altered because of your decision to have him or her declawed.

 

Press 23 if your two-year-old male dog is marking all over your house but you "just haven't gotten around" to having him neutered.

 

Press 24 if you have an outdoor-only dog or cat and are calling because you suspect that she is suddenly pregnant.

 

Press 25 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog but had no success, yet you don't want to crate the dog because it is "cruel".

 

Press 26 if your new"love" doesn't like your dog or cat (and you are too stupid to get rid of this new friend, who will dump you very soon anyway).

 

Press 27 if you went through all these 'options' and didn't hear enough!

 

This will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog or cat while the vet mercifully frees him from of the grief of missing his family.

Edited by compassionategirl
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From volunteering at my local shelter, I can tell you that, unfortunately, this is pretty spot-on.

 

Though I'd have to add:

Press X if you have recently adopted a pet from us, but wish to return it because it is 'too playful'. (Yes, some idiots brought back a PUPPY for this reason).

 

Press Y if you have recently adopted a pet from us, but wish to return it because it is 'too affectionate' (ditto).

 

(Note: I don't refer to animals as "it," but use the term because the people calling most likely would.

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Press 26 if your new"love" doesn't like your dog or cat (and you are too stupid to get rid of this new friend, who will dump you very soon anyway).

 

ROFL -- any new love that didn't like my animals would be out on their keester.

 

BadCharlie was returned because "this cat meows too much." He was the most vocal cat I've ever known! Booyah was returned because a child developed allergies to him.

 

It is sad that people do not take their committments to their animals seriously. To get a dog or cat with the attitude that "if it doesn't work out I can take him to the pound" is just wrong. Makes me wonder how many would take their children to the 'pound' if it were as easy.

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This is sad but very true. I did some volunteer work with the animal shelter back when I lived in Newnan, GA. It's very tough when people bring in pets and dump them there. 2 of my 4 cats are rescues and the third was given to us by a friend who married a man who is allergic to cats. however, he does have an appointment with an allergist to try to get his allergy under control. If he does get it under control they will take the cat back, but if not we will keep him forever.

 

When I was volunteering, a family came in with their young lab and said they wanted to have the dog put to sleep because it was biting their 11 year old son. Now I petted the dog and aside from being scared he was just fine. But unfortunately it wasn't my call. So they left their dog to be gassed. And the very next day these same jerks showed up to adopt a puppy! And the stupid pound let them do it! People like that shouldn't be allowed to keep animals.

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When I was volunteering, a family came in with their young lab and said they wanted to have the dog put to sleep because it was biting their 11 year old son. Now I petted the dog and aside from being scared he was just fine. But unfortunately it wasn't my call. So they left their dog to be gassed. And the very next day these same jerks showed up to adopt a puppy! And the stupid pound let them do it! People like that shouldn't be allowed to keep animals.

What the pound did is beyond unethical, and I would really like the name of that pound because they sure as hell will be getting an earful from me, and possibly further recourse if there is any.

 

SO if you wouldnt mind posting that info, I'd appreciate it.

 

Here is another one: a family who had a perfectly happy healthy golden retriever, who was still young and full of life, insisted that he be euthanized because they couldnt take him with them to their new condo (which didnt allow pets). The vet pleaded with this asswipes to surrender him for adoption, at least, but they insisted that if they couldnt keep him, then the next best thing was euthanasia.

 

I think any vet that would agree to euthanize a perfectly happy, young healthy animal is in breach of some serious ethics.

 

And talk about a selfish, sick family. Gaawwwwd do people ever suck

 

If I had any say, individuals like this would be BANNED FOR LIFE from ever ever ever having the privilege of the companionship of animal ever again. Seriously. My ban against animal guardianship for life would not be limited to cases of actual direct abuse or cruelty. The people in Vegangirl2006's story - banned for life (except the guy that really has the allergies). The people in my story - banned for life. And the people that meet most of the descriptions in the rescue groups answering machine - banned for life. Vets like the one in my story, or those that perform declawing and other types of ghastly procedures - licenses revoked. ZERO tolerance is what I am getting at. Why? Because animals have zero choice and zero voice. They depend on us to defend them and are completely at the mercy of idiotic, selfish, irresponsible asswipes.

 

If I had the power to do so, I would impose/unleash (whatever you want to call it) onto the world a fundamental rethinking of animals and their place in the world.

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Here is another one: a family who had a perfectly happy healthy golden retriever, who was still young and full of life, insisted that he be euthanized because they couldnt take him with them to their new condo (which didnt allow pets). The vet pleaded with this asswipes to surrender him for adoption, at least, but they insisted that if they couldnt keep him, then the next best thing was euthanasia.

What arrogance, like if THEY couldn't give the dog a good home, NO ONE could. Unfortunately, I think a vet's hands are tied in this case, and s/he did all s/he could bysuggesting giving the dog up for adoption. Though a trickier vet coud have shot some drug into the dog that would knock him unconscious. (I doubt that the people even stayed with the dog while he was euthanized, so they wouldn't even know, probably).

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