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The Journal of Veggie P (Melissa)


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I feel that I should be doing more.

 

I have been in a real funk lately. I am just discouraged how slow it is to see changes in the mirror. I am working so hard and I really see nothing. Now I know everyone thinks I'm being hard on myself because of the photos I just took, but you have no idea how good lighting, standing just perfectly and the right clothes can camoflauge your flaws. I promise I know the different in my body between when it is really fit and when its not... and right now, the tone is just non-existent compared to what it was a year ago. This makes me feel anxious all day long. I know I need to be patient but I want to see SOME progress. I want some of my old pants I wore last year to fit a little bit. And they just don't. I WILL be patient. I will continue tweaking cardio and working my ass off and being tight with my diet until I get there, but PLEASE GOD just throw me a little bone for all of my efforts. Give me an inch off the hips and butt... pretty please? Then again, I doubt God grant frivolous wishes such as that.

 

That's it for now. Just trying to keep my spirits up despite the fact I've seen zero changes in a month.

 

You're starting to sound like someone else I know You're beautiful and you work your butt off...I'll tell you what you told me...PATIENCE...easier said than done I know...I had a binge day today so you know how I love to beat myself up about that

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thanks Holly Just don't drastically cut your calories/carbs after your binge.... force yourself to go right back to a moderate calorie plan, otherwise it's a vicious cycle.

 

So Kim just told me that the contract is FINALLY HERE. She's driving back from Cambria now, so hopefully tonight or tomorrow I will know how much we get paid, what our start date is, etc. We've been working on this project a year and now we finally have a contract in our hot little hands. All thanks to her. Kim's work ethic and drive has been such a huge inspiration to me. She just sent me a text reminding me that almost exactly a year ago today, this was just an idea in her head with NOTHING put in motion yet and now we have a contract from a major production company with HOPEFULLY a fairly large budget!

 

To give you guys a little more background on the project.... 1 year ago, I only knew of the Vegan Vixens but had never officially met them, when Kim found me through myspace and told me of this idea she had for a workout video where Moms get in shape with their toddlers and kids to live bands and with silly dances and themes to keep the kids entertained and strength moves for the moms, and she asked me to be the Personal Trainer/choreographer of the project. We met at Native Foods... and she had basically hired me before even meeting me because she said she had really good instincts about people and just felt I was perfect for it.

 

So she got Susie Feldman to host, some Vegan friends to do the music and write songs, me to choreograph it and instruct it... AND when she found out I had a daughter she thought it would be great if we were both working with our kids in the project too. So we filmed the pilot which was great, and she began aggressively cold-calling every single person she knew or didn't know to fund it. Then we landed a bigger fish than we could have ever imagined when she found to big named producers to back it. They said everyone would make more money if we turned it into a Webisode online series, along with the DVD's, so she said "sure"... and been kind of in limbo ever since. So today we have a contract... and that is very exciting, and I'm so proud of her. It just goes to show you how tight-knit the Vegan community is. She used all of her sources that she had met through the Vixens... and this person would know this person, which would lead her to another person, etc, etc. I would have NEVER had this opporunity before I became Vegan. It really makes you believe in karma and the more good you put out in the world... eventually it all comes back around.

 

I think I will vomit if the contract says we start in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking March though. I just need her to tell me a START DATE. I care about that more than the money. I need solid, concrete things to train for and focus on otherwise I feel like a lost ship. Man, I'm so anxious right now! I should go to the gym to work off the anxiety

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I have been in a real funk lately. I am just discouraged how slow it is to see changes in the mirror. I am working so hard and I really see nothing. Now I know everyone thinks I'm being hard on myself because of the photos I just took, but you have no idea how good lighting, standing just perfectly and the right clothes can camoflauge your flaws. I promise I know the different in my body between when it is really fit and when its not... and right now, the tone is just non-existent compared to what it was a year ago. This makes me feel anxious all day long. I know I need to be patient but I want to see SOME progress. I want some of my old pants I wore last year to fit a little bit. And they just don't. I WILL be patient. I will continue tweaking cardio and working my ass off and being tight with my diet until I get there, but PLEASE GOD just throw me a little bone for all of my efforts. Give me an inch off the hips and butt... pretty please? Then again, I doubt God grant frivolous wishes such as that.

 

 

 

YES! thats the feeling exactly. I couldnt have said it better myself. i feel like i am just now getting past that stage. Looking in the mirror going "hmmm...maybe 145 is a normal healthy weight for me" haha! ah the excuses we make. but honestly it helps to just accpt it. i feel like since i accepted that my body is different than it was a year ago and there's no superfast way around it, that i've made way better progress. maybe i reversed psychology'd MYSELF! Anyway, we can do this VP!

 

 

You both are so very beautiful

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I know I still need to reply to you via PM about some things.....and will soon....Hey, I'm coming to Anaheim for nearly 10 days, or likely at least 10 days in March....around the 2nd-12th.

 

We should do some training, photo shoots, etc. I'll be pretty swol by then too.

 

I hope all is awesome! I'll be in touch.....keep on working it!

 

Oh...we'll be in L.A. for Vegan Vacation too....the AR Conference will be an incredible place to network! It's a better networking place than the other veg festivals you've been to with me in L.A. or San Fran, so it's something to look forward to in July.

 

Take care,

 

Rob

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Hey there, just wanted to respond to this post of yours, VP:

 

"I have been in a real funk lately. I am just discouraged how slow it is to see changes in the mirror. I am working so hard and I really see nothing. Now I know everyone thinks I'm being hard on myself because of the photos I just took, but you have no idea how good lighting, standing just perfectly and the right clothes can camoflauge your flaws. I promise I know the different in my body between when it is really fit and when its not... and right now, the tone is just non-existent compared to what it was a year ago. This makes me feel anxious all day long. I know I need to be patient but I want to see SOME progress. I want some of my old pants I wore last year to fit a little bit. And they just don't. I WILL be patient. I will continue tweaking cardio and working my ass off and being tight with my diet until I get there, but PLEASE GOD just throw me a little bone for all of my efforts. Give me an inch off the hips and butt... pretty please? Then again, I doubt God grant frivolous wishes such as that."

 

I don't want to be an annoying "amatuer" but I HAVE TO share with you, that I am getting the most frickin' amazing, and I mean AMAZING, and fast, results with some tough high rep, low weight (like no more than 3 pounds) workouts.

 

check out the tracyandersonmethod.com, and tracy effinger's workouts and amy bento for cardio. I know you like gym workouts, and these are home dvds, but they are completely changing my physique in only a few weeks and they are REALLY challenging. Tracy anderson is Madonnas only trainer now, and she says those workouts have changed her physique, and we all know how good she looks...anyway. Thanks for letting me share!

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Glad it's working for your Theresa. Thanks for sharing. I have heard of Tracy Anderson and researched it. I always think its good to change things up, but I think lifting heavy has its place too. But I'm glad it is working for you and you've found something your happy with.

 

Okay, so this weekend I can tell you I'm FINALLY seeing some real changes. I tried on a pair of pants that were tight last week, and now their a bit loose, and that's an awesome feeling.

 

Still no work on a start date for the project. Kim says hopefully we'll know in the next week or two.

 

Okay, so I just have to tell you, I had the most amazing phenomenol date last night. It's been along time since I talked about boys, huh? I think the last time I had a phenomenal date was 9 months ago. Then the emotionally damaged ex squirms his way in between just to keep me busy long enough NOT to work on finding a man that is emotionally healthy.. LMAO as I realize the truth of that statement.

 

So last night, I had the most amazingly wonderful date... you know... when you feel a little dizzy and lightheaded and the world kind of stops when you're around them. So far he is so wonderful in so many ways. One of the things I love the most is he's the opposite of my ex in so many ways... No myspace page... no facebook, no multiple dating sites or sites that rate your frickin picture. He understands why I have an internet presence, but he feels no need to go seek out any kind of attention for himself. Most importantly (and this is where alot of people might not agree with me)... he is a bit possessive early on, and I'm sorry, I have such a HUUUUGE place in my heart for a man who is brave enough to tell you right out of the gate what he wants... that he doesen't want me dating others... asks me to only see him and see where it goes.... That is what drew me to the ex in the first place, accept that all turned out to be a facade. Am I too much of an idealist to think that sometimes a man can come along and actually BE who they appear to be? Man, I would love to think so. And my daughter has pointed out that I definitely have a "type". Uh!!! I can't wait to see him again... okay, focus Melissa, you have work to do. LOL

 

Mood Today: Smitten

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I can so relate! I just started seeing someone a couple of months ago, and after over 20 years of not feeling loved or cherished, here comes this guy who is SO loving, so cute, so intelligent and the sex is the best I ever experienced. I mean, pinch me!!

 

I know its cause I've been working so much in myself in the last 10 years, spiritually and emotionally, and I created him to show up. He's like everything I always wanted a relationship to be and we are both kind of amazed actually. And it WAS love at first site! My girlfriend set us up (she knew him from work) on a blind date and when we first saw each other, there was this little explosion of energy....it really CAN happen! We just have to love ourselves first, and then we manifest it.

 

So happy for you Melissa-gotta love those endorphins! Have fun....

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It was so nice reconnecting with you. You sound like you're in a very good place, glad to hear it. Do I still sound like an east coaster or is the vibe out here growing on me yet?

 

(and this is where alot of people might not agree with me)... he is a bit possessive early on, and I'm sorry, I have such a HUUUUGE place in my heart for a man who is brave enough to tell you right out of the gate what he wants... that he doesen't want me dating others... asks me to only see him and see where it goes.... That is what drew me to the ex in the first place, accept that all turned out to be a facade.

 

My heart literally melted as I was reading this; specifically at the part where he said ...asks me to see only him and see where it goes... 'non committing' yet assertive and shows you he really wants to get to know you and thinks it can work. Imo, if it feels right, embrace it, you can't worry about the possibility of it turning into a facade or what have you or you could potentially miss out on something special. I get possessive early on too, can't help it. I am glad it is well received; well hey it must be, I got Dani by by side! Who could ask for anything more!!!! Hope to touch base again soon and good luck getting that official date set for the shoot with Kim!

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...
Any news to update us on? Isn't today your comp for the NPC figure?

 

 

 

that and I think she is doing the videos for vegan vixens isnt it. She probably doesnt have alot of time. I also noticed that she hasnt updated the fitness journey section of her website. I hope that she is doing well.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Have I really not posted since January? OH MY WORD! Wow...

 

Well... I had some things happen this year that really through me for a loop. Maybe I'll get into it later... maybe I won't, but thanks for the continued support.

 

Currently... I am feeling pretty good about everything.

 

If anyone reading this is someone that has emailed me that I never responded to, I'm really really sorry about that. I went through a few months where I only could put in energy to my own stuff... helping my existing clients... and of course helping people who signed up for my Online Training program... but for awhile I lacked the patience to follow up with emails about the diet and training. It's a hard job sometimes... It requires alot of time, and soon I'm going to just be phasing out the program and writing an ebook because it simply takes too much time, but for now... I'm getting better about getting back to people and I have a several very motivated clients that are doing great! Always makes me feel good

 

I MAY.... that that is a big MAYBE train for a show. I have given up setting these kinds of deadlines because if I do... something always seems to get in my way. But I've been training and dieting pretty consistently these past several weeks and have my sights set on a end of summer Bikini show BUT WE'LL SEE. I'm not making any promises till I have some hardcore momentum. In my world, a few weeks of solid training and diet doesen't always mean my mental focus is in check enough to complete the job. But I've recently been resinspired by some very disciplined people and I'm getting the fire in me rekindled.

 

I will post more LATER.

 

Oh... as far as the DVD Series... the rumor is we film end of September, so that would coincide nicely with the show I have my sights set on IF I TRAIN FOR IT. Again, I'm not making any promises til I'm fairly certain I'll do it.

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Sorry to hear things have been stressful. I know I have not e-mailed you my diet like I should be, but just wanted to let you know I have been doing pretty well with it (I think ) Have had some nice progress as far as body fat and abs go (you can check out my journal on here to see the progress)

 

Your a great inspiration to many people on here

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey Ashley.

 

How's the diet and training coming?

 

Long tough workout tonight. I HAVE to break up my cardio because trying to do it all at once is too damn hard.

 

Ellyptical: 1 hr 40 minutes

15 minute fast walk

 

Squats 4 x 12

Lunges 4 x 15

Calf RAises 4 x 15

Leg Curls 4 x 8

Straight Leg Deadlifts 4 x 10

Preacher Curls 3 x 10 1 x 12

Barbell Curls 3 x 12

Crunches 4 x 90

 

I was so famished when I got home. Just had some seitan lettuce wraps with onions and peppers. So yummy. Wish I could have a glass of wine right now but I cant.

 

Not enough water today. Long tough workout tomorrow too. Just took some natural sleep aids so I hope they'll kick in soon.

 

Nighty night.

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1 hour cardio.

 

Gotta muster up some way to do at least another 30 minutes.

 

Not enough water today. Worked all day long on tweaking diet plans for clients and training programs. Didn't drink nearly enough water. No excuse either cuz I was home all day.

 

I realized that if I want to focus on my physique goals over the next couple months, I may have to really consider giving up dating. Too distracting. You get disappointed... it effects your workouts. Why oh why does it have to be so hard. Can't people just do what I want them to? (that was a joke).

 

I'm dating a couple people and I told one today that I didn't want to continue... So why am I sad? I ended it? I think it was because I'll miss the attention... but I was frustrated and unhappy and it was affecting my outlook. I know I did the right thing... it just seems easier for others to say "later" when they know its not working, but I get so sad... even when I'm the one saying goodbye. Like I said, I'm sure its just the attention I'll miss. He did have a very sweet side.

 

Anyways... life goes on

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