V VII Hero

I feel horrible. first time back driving my car and getting it street legal... 3 houses away from mine I was driving and a squirrel ran out in front of the car. I slammed on my brakes and prayed to god for the squirrels to make it safely to the other side. I instantly panicked as I knew I felt something hit the wheel. I looked in the rearview and didnt see anything. perhaps I missed the squirrel and she was alright. I ran into my house and got rubber gloves and I rushed to the aide of the squirrel at the scene. the squirrel was nowhere to be found, and I thought to myself thank god... then I found her. she laid there and I thought maybe just a broken bone, I can nurse her back to health. I picked her up and cradled her hoping to get the pupils to dilate, a breath, a pulse, anything. nothing. and I watched blood drip out her mouth. I cried. I thought how can I, one who tries my best to be vegan, do this. how can ppl in the world kill and eat animals. how can people murder and wear animals. how come this happened? why did this happen. I carried the squirrel back down to my house. held her in the palms of my hands with white gloves, and with my head low I prayed please please let her be okay. I got to my yard and placed her lightly on the ground and fully examined to see if I could heal her, anything. I looked at all the vital signs, and assessed her. She was indeed dead. I for the first time felt first hand responsible for a death. is this what murder is? this is horrible. I realized that all those years I spend eating meat, and dairy, and wearing wool...I was a murderer. This has set the tone for me to push veganism as far as I can. that now, more than ever, this lifestyle is the most important. I grabbed some shovels, and picked out a burial spot next to the garden. sobbing, I axe-picked and shovelled a burial spot. I cried and cried and hoped that perhaps maybe the squirrel would come back to life, she was still warm. but she did not. I placed her in the grave and put an acorn her paws, to symbolize life. the garden spoke to me and the wind rustled thru. I could hear the sorrow of others and I knew I was not alone. I felt the presence of mother earth, gaia. she welcomed the squirrel and with the most beautiful flower in the garden, I laid it next to the squirrels body to represent peace. its was a bright pink flower with a yellow center and a long green stem. at ease and rest, the squirrel was alas ready to be buried. but not before I said my apologies. I had chosen a sunny spot of the yard, in hopes that the squirrels soul will always be warm, and forgiveful. I said my last goodbye and covered the grave. I then went to the garden and picked two flower. another pink one and a bright orange one. I placed them in an X on the burial spot. I went thru all this because the squirrel died by my actions. although I prevented everything I could. it was my fault. I killed the squirrel. I took it upon my own liberty to give the squirrel a proper burial as believe all animals and creatures alike are of this earth and have souls. I would want the squirrel to do the same for me if the roles were reversed. I just hope the squirrels soul can find it in her heart to forgive me. Even us vegans cannot prevent all harm no matter how hard we try, but that doesnt make us any less vegan. So never give up on being vegan, and do all you can for the animals. most importantly never stop trying, never stop caring, and never stop loving. love can heal all.

I know many have seen before and after of before vegan and after vegan. well I want to post early photo of me veganbodybuilding, and a semi-current one of me now for comparisons. Im even drastically bigger right now than the semi-current photo but dont have an up to date picture of me now, so yous will have to wait. heh. hope these pics show that one can gain muscle and be vegan early stage of veganbodybuilding semi-recent photo

found some old pics of my stomach and thought Id post for inspiration

thanks michael. I'll have you know I am trying to grow my forearms as big as yours! hehe. youre a great guy. we definately have to hang out again sometime. that castle rocked! youre also a big inspiration to me. your personality is just amazing. so free spirited, easy going, and funny. I will have to plan out my route and post it online and then try to meet up with vegan members along the way such as tyler and ryan. "Oregon is going to be awesome. A lot of ski resorts offer free or low cost housing to employees. I'm sure you will find a situation that works for you. " ^ oh I know brother. I know! and I cant wait.

Who is your biggest inspiration? mine is my sister. she is severely handicapped but never gives up. She has made me the compassionate individual I am today. Jiliian and I a couple years ago napping. she makes me happy I started off working on the total gym to be strong to help take care of her I played guitar to help make her smile I tuck her into bed everynight (yr old photo ....my small days. lol) she is my siser and she is my inspiration

the detailed intro was awesome! welcome

visiting forum members along the way sounds like an awesome idea! Im just wondering who all is along my route. meg: I love kitties. I wish I could take Rascal with me, but this area is his home. him and I are like bestfriends. hope u sleep well. night

hey rob!! I cant wait to see that DVD trailer. I know we've talked so much about things. currently Ive dropped weight and my legs/glutes are nonexistant. I am having trouble eating and sleeping right. and i realized holy crap this is what its like to live a city life. eff that. my health should be my number one priority, especially for a bodybuilder. dont be surprised when you meet me if I am unproportional and on the lighter side. heh. i'll get it back in no time. Corvalis it is. thank you so much for opening your home to me (rob and meg). thank youu thank you I will come get myself situated, sell the car, and find a job. (id like to get a job up on the mountain with snowboarding. or healthfood store, music store, or gym....we'll figure it out.) perhaps i could find a place cheap in portland, or I could lodge at the resort if i work there. thanks compash, rob , meg, and collegebrian, im stoked ppl are behind me on this. it makes me feel righteous, ya know? I figured cause i love bodybuilding and eating right i would so be in the science/study part of it, right? well no that takes the fun out of it, and makes it become work. "Life is yours to do what you wish and it makes sense to be happy and to be doing things that bring you joy. " this is very true. ive never heard anyone ever put it like this before. I want to travel the USA from EC to WC. my grandfather did it in a custom built motorcyle. he designed a weatherproof housing around it....kinda like the popemobile on 2 wheels. the guy was a genious. after he passed away it has inspired me to eat healthy and to travel across the country. most likely my biggest concern is going to be gas money to get out there since I have zero dollars. once im out there, no big deal, as I will flip my car for cash (car is worth $5,000 bluebook), and can pay back anyone who lent me gas money to go across the country. I figured it will cost me about $500 to go across country. Im gonna bring food with me, and sleep in the car in rest stops when Im tired. so I wont waste money on motels, or food. the only expense I have is tolls and gas. Im gonna film a lil here and there of pretty scenic places, me on the road with no cd player, some story telling of me on the road. who knows. i will probably just end up driving and totally forget to document it. haha. okay so rob I will PM you for address details and stuff. as soon as i can manage to earn $500 somehow. im coming.

(this is my long usual rambling posts) as many of you have read I'm going thru a rough phase in my life trying to figure out how Im gonna manage to live. Ive come to a rough decision but Ive decided that $10,000 more in debt to get certified isnt worth it. (in the end I will have to pay back about $8600 loan, and food, transportation, etc, not to mention I already have a couple thousand dollar loan I am paying right now.) If I really want to be certified I can spend $500 like Kalani suggested and get certified as a personal trainer that way over the internet. I already know the hands on stuff, so why go to a school for something I already know? Its just gonna waste $$ I dont have. not to mention I will be living very uncomfortabally with having to go to school fulltime, work fulltime, and have to basically cut down on eating (whats the point of becoming a trainer if I cant manage to even take care of myself). going to school will be counterproductive for me for bodybuilding. I cant mentally take it. and I wont be able to physically keep in shape due to lack of $$. sorry everyone, right now at this point in my life I Cant. My uncle giving me a place to stay is great cause I have a place to sleep at night, but will cost me a very lot of $$ cause of the tolls, gas prices, and distance. I wrote a list of the finances, and I will be negative dollars every month, and not able to eat. not to mention in an area that I cannot stand. I do not like the NYC/hoboken area. it just aint me. I feel so out of place. Im a country boy. and big cities and me do not mix. the only places I ever felt comfortable in was portland, mt hood Oregon, england, and vermont. anyway here is the new new plan (I hate the fact im always changing my mind, but this time at least its gone back to an original dream ive had since i was a teenager. and all the goals and dreams I have now are just to get back to that original one. so why not just do the original one now? ). plan: -unenroll from the school and explain at this time in my life I cannot afford to attend. -call the loan company and return the loan money -I have zero dollars in monetary value. but in posession value Ive got a good $5,000 (car, extra snowboards, computer, etc.) -register and inspect car, oil change, etc -Ive got insurance on the car now -pack lots of cans of food and cereal and stuff into the car -pack all my clothes, snowboards, etc into the car -somehow manage to come up with $500 for gas. -charge my video camera up and hit the road -drive across the country to Oregon -get a job at mt hood (Im certified snowboard instructor, and certified ski/snowboard technician). this will give me free snowboard pass, and money for food. -sell my car immediately and use the money to get an apartment, or try to room with someone in portland and pay rent, or lodge up at the snowboard resort paying rent $. -use public transportation to get around. I know many of you wont agree with me on this one. and you were counting on me to become a personal trainer. and I apologize for being so fickle. but its not easy to try to plan youre life out. its soo not me. Id rather just live it. I dont like stress, so why create it? I dont like debt, so why get myself further into it? for $500 I can become a PT at me leisure and comfortability, rather than $10,000 and not able to even eat right. I originally got into weightlifting to condition myself for snowboarding. I still plan to bodybuild and help others thru veganbodybuilding.com, so no worries. I wont be any different status than I am now, except I will be living my dream and happy. I dont need a million dollars or lots of things to make me happy. just putting a smile on kids faces, and having my health is all that is important to me. I dont want to be anything. I dont want to be a "personal trainer", or a "snowboard instructor". I want to be me. A guy who is vegan, and teaches snowboarding and bodybuilds. A guy who helps others and enjoys life. I dont want to force myself into debt and horrible living situations just because its "normal". Im standing up and rather than talking bout it, Im doing it. I'm me, and I'm living life.

I am officially staying with my uncle and aunt. I finally got a hold of him we had lots of miscommunication. and after talking to him tonight, the plans are back on. I dont have to sleep in a car. (although I was somewhat looking foward to the adventure). If I work a job in hoboken, I need my car to commute cause the bus schedule will conflict with work. (paid internship but have to spend at least a year more in hoboken, and I dont want to do that.) If I work a job in staten island, I can sell my car as I will no longer need it. and use the bus to commute (will take big chunk of my day out but better than driving). and I am not tied down to the area when I am done graduating. But for right now, to get to SI and school, I shall be driving. And in 6 months Im off to Portland.

I also listen to traditional oriental music, sonatas, female pianists/vocalists, and instrumental music, indie rock, etc. I have made some great music with my friends both heavy and light. everything from metal to instrumental and acoustic. I dont listen to music loudly at all. I also try to wear earplugs at shows to hinder tinnitus. hearing and listening are two completely seperate things. someone who hears may not listen. I know people who cannot hear, that listen better than most people. exactly.

cook with trinity roots to boost immune system: onions, garlic , ginger

I dont have any expensive stuff. my camera im gonna carry with me in my bookbag... the only thing left in my car will be blankets, clothes, shitty guitar I made, and snowboard. I will cover everything. and Im tinting the windows. plus I will be parked in public well lit areas. if they steal while Im at school, oh well. if they steal while im in there, theyve got a surprise. heh. someone's already broken into my car before and stole my cd player, cds, and smashed my passenger window (had to get a new one). as long as my snowboard doesnt get stolen Im fine. I dont have money for anti-theft stuff. I just got to take my chances. I dont really care about posessions. theyre just things. as long as I have my health thats all that matters to me. its not that hard. I plan to make it quite comfy actually.

thanks michael! Ive already charted out the nearest walmarts. thats where I plan to have access to my bulking food. heh. employees working the night shift have to park their car somewhere....perhaps my car will become like theirs. where security wont think much of it, and just think its another employees. I am gonna try to move from place to place as I dont want to get caught. thanks michael! take care

I normally dont cook or store food (for the past few months ive been eating like this.), except for the occasional burrito or spaghetti. but now I dont have that option. so i must eat on the road like I been doing the past week or so. I normally buy my food at the grocery store and eat it right then and there. I cant afford to eat everything I want and need, so I am forced to make the most. some things i eat: soydogs, soymilks, cereals, bananas, apples, builder bars, raw peeled carrots, bagels, "green juice", nuts, vegetarian chili (yes i eat it cold and in the can), wholegrain breads, etc. I most likely will live off a diet consisting of bananas, bagels, and soydogs. its gonna be hard to make sure I get enough calories, carbs, and protein to maintain and bulk. but i'll try my best. probably the ocassional multivitamin too.

cool ive heard of panera bread. yeh i wont have a laptop though but many areas do have wireless networks. my biggest problem is finding various different places to park. cause hoboken has no parking whatsoever and you need permits for like everything. so im gonna have to constantly move my car and find places outside of hoboken to park without being booted. thats probably the most annoying thing. other than that im stoked!

hudson vallery athletic club in hoboken, nj. its what my personal training school is affliated with. I lift there. and I should be working at Club H.

yes sir. I plan to drive cross the USA to get to Oregon. then sell my car, and live in Oregon personal training, and achieving other discussed goals

haha yeh I will probably carry a container with me to pee in, and a bag in case I have any bathroom emergency situations and cant find a place. cause in the city I cant pee outside. there is no woods getting comfortable to sleep will be a pain in the ass for the first few weeks. but I will find a way to get used to it in my very small SUV. probably either make a "bed" with the back seat down and somehow craft it to be able to be slept in, or I will fall asleep in drivers seat with it leaned back, and hope no cops or anyone else sees me. (apparently sleeping in a car is frowned upon and whatnot). if anyone knows of any nearby rest stops I could park at, that be fanastic. thanks. Ive learned to sleep basically anywhere. in cars, vans, buses, trains, floors, grass, benches, sidewalks, chairs, beds, etc. but my favorite place is in trees. I love sleeping in trees. ask some of the ppl that met me in england. I sleep just bout anywhere. its all thanks to mono yep I will be able to use the internet probably once a week (friends computers, free library computers....when i find the library, etc.). so I will keep in contact probably bout once a week. no more than 5-10 minutes I can spend on the forums. I will just post once a week with an update on how im doing. and robert please keep in contact with me thru email and whatnot. I was gonna use my $1000 loan deferrment money to buy a guitar and a laptop (so i can keep in touch and use the internet). but right now surviving is more important than the internet. so the $1000 I will use to get new brakes on my car, register, and inspect it. and then insure it. hopefully my mom doesnt fuck this up for me. I wont get into details but she controls and pries. and I dont need to be fined or arrested for sleeping in a car. I dont mind paying car insurance now, even though insurance is completely useless. I despise car insurance companies. they dont cover shit. all they do is waste my money. but I need insurance to make my car street legal, and since theres a police station right by my school, its very important I obey the law. so I will consider insurance my car rent. hehe. the truth is im just gonna live life day to day, like it was meant to be lived. living out of a car is the cheapest thing I can do. and it looks like on weekends, I might have a friends house to crash at. so as long as I can find somewhere to park without being towed or fined, Im set. I really am working hard to achieve my goals. I think I might document my life, kinda blair witch style. charge my video camera at school, and then film a couple minutes of me sleeping in the car, walking to school, working out, etc. I think it would make great footage for one day in the future when I can show ppl how much dedication I have... you never know

hey how u been? dammit. my car's not diesel. it runs off of regular I feel really bad if I go back to using gasoline for 6 months. then again I am not using electricty, heat, or anything else like that cause i wont be in an apartment. so im doing my far share of conservation. just sleeping in a car. what do yous think?

okay so im homeless starting next week for at least 6 months. I'm thinking about living out of my car. before anyone says "no topher. dont", Ive slept and lived out of a car before. So its no big deal to me. and with cellphones being portable and the fact I eat all my food without having to cook or store it. I see nothing wrong with this. To stay warm, I have snowboard gear, and blankets. I have slept many times in snowstorms waiting to go snowboarding. and in college ive slept numerous times in the backseat. I have gym showers to use, bathrooms there, and nearby stores. and I will have to find free computers to use I guess. I just need to find a parking lot that I can park my car in over night and Im set. I can use my cell as an alarm clock. my only concern is people breaking in to the car and seeing me sleeping. so I think im gonna tint the windows. plus im a big guy, so I can handle my own. my biggest problem is that gas prices are so damn high and I dont want to contribute to any of that nonsese, as I feel awful for depleting this world of fossil fuels. I have sworn off driving a car, and will only use mine if I can run it off of an alternate fuel source. so my question is: how do I run my car off of biofuels? how to I found biofuel to purchase and use? also is this safe to use during the winter? or will my car freeze up? thanks.

if you want time, you will make time. try cutting down on things, like perhaps your gym time? so you can wake up later. do you have weekends semi-free? perhaps see the boy then.

I wasnt a big fan of texas. it was too flat for me. however at one point I did think about moving there just to get free education. if I ever go visit dallas again, I will be sure to come to denton to hangout with ya

http://www.govegantexas.org/index.php A website for vegans in Texas. It has a great list of companies that are veg