precision female

goal achieved today....just a few extra sips at the water fountain...

Thanks for all the good comments folks....it motivates me for sure. I now have a profile in the featured profiles section of this website. And my little feature as a vegan fitness model in this months issue of Vegan Health and Fitness Magazine. Sadly I'm not going to reach my goal of 150 lbs. I get going good for a week or so and then unrelated stress takes me down and I stop eating. Naturally I only eat maybe 2000 cal a day because I'm naturally a very thin ectomorph. Forcing 3000 - 3500 cal to bulk is very uncomfortable. If I'm stressed I'm lucky to take in 1000 cal because I feel like throwing up all day.

I have had this debate many times and would prefer it not to be in this thread. I am not asking for help or advice here. It does not interest me to ignore things that are unpleasant and replace then with "happy thoughts".

Thanks Richard, very few people ever validate what I think.

we differ in opinions I guess. I don't "choose" unhappiness, I choose to live my natural life without using other species. Some people are born happy and some aren't. That's reality. A lot of us are vegan because we don't want to use animals for our food. Some of us take it further than that. No other animal should have to suffer in my place to make a medication so that I can be happy instead of it.

a right to be happy....I question that. Says who? Only people. We imagine we have that right. We don't give animals a right to exist or be happy so giving it to ourselves seems greedy to me and I don't want any part of that.

I tend not to listen to what animal rights activists and ethicists think because it isn't the same opinion as a lab rat would have. Animals don't willingly suffer and give their lives, and nobody asks/considers their opinion. Ethicists etc still value human life over animal life...but I place value depending on an organisms ability to suffer. Which is equal between humans and most animals. Sadly I'm in a small town so my vegan impact isn't much if anything so far.

that's a debate that I've already had in another post. I do limit my driving. The pigs blood in the plywood of my house bothers me I see a small difference in that animal testing is a willful intent, where as some animal products are left over from other cruel industries. Not much difference tho. Its precisely why I don't want to be a part of this world and deeply question taking a medication that allows me to stay here.

Problem started about 15 months ago. I was consciously over training but I have nothing else to do with my time. Since the May competition I have backed off a lot at the gym but other anxieties in life have rendered me often non functional for days or weeks. Yesterday was my first day at the gym in 11 days. I'm dramatically weaker and lost weight. I can never get past 141 lbs. The guilt of taking animal tested meds is enough to make me suicidal on its own. I won't be able to take them for long and then I'll choose lack of sleep regardless of consequence.

lifting 16 months. I am the biggest I've been in my life. Naturally I am really scrawny. I am dependent on sleep meds at this point. Depression has been my whole life but as long as I can sleep I can be relatively functional and everyone thinks I'm fine but even one night of missed sleep causes me to have panic attacks or violent fits and be suicidal. I wouldn't be on meds if it wasn't life threatening...and I only go to the doctor when it comes to that final decision of jumping off the city parkade or taking pills for a few days. But...now I can't sleep at all without them. I wouldn't last more than a few days without them.

ya...I do have a tiny waist... 5 ft 8.5 Since this picture I've been extremely sick. Haven't been to the gym in 10 days. I OD'd on sleep meds and rather than being extra sleepy I went 38hrs with no sleep having trouble breathing and my whole body shaking and had slurred speech and couldn't walk. Its way beyond depression. I will only take pills if its life threatening and even then there's a moral battle over animal tested meds and I usually don't take them and things get worse.

Photo update from today. 141 lbs. Been a bad month with a lot of stress and depression. Lost some weight but it came back in a week. Hoping to be 150lbs for Christmas.

lol. Not ripped at all, I've got 20 lbs of fat over my competition body right now. Next Spring...THAT's when I'll be ripped again.

I buy most of my clothes 2nd hand. Not into expensive stuff, and then I paint the vegan word on with acrylic paint myself. I have a steady hand! I find the lactic acid build up in my shoulders can last over 20 minutes. It doesn't dissappear after a few seconds like with other body parts. Then I get frustrated. I also broke rib cartilage last year and for 6 months shoulder/chest stuff was painful and I might not have been pushing them to the max. But I'm into it now.

Shoulders and delts...actually a weak spot for me. I worked backstage at the Canadian Nationals last month and those girls had double the upper body mass. So now I am really focusing on shoulder development. The trick is having a strong posture that uses the lats to keep the shoulders wide and back. Which creates a dramatic v-taper and shoulder width. Without good posture my shoulders are pretty average. Lateral raises, front raises, overhead, back cross pulley, shrugs kinda stuff. Lots of drop sets.

And me doing push ups on lion statues. And at the beach. And showing off my "bulkers butt". (I just coined that term right?)

And...some other pics....

Some photos from this week. They will also serve as the "before photos" for my 2nd figure competition next Spring. First competition didn't go well...so I've bulked hard.... gained 20 lbs in 10 weeks. Right now I'm 10 lbs bigger than I peaked at for the last show and its just the beginning of hard training after a couple easy months to get my sleep back on track. Currently 140lbs. Gonna go to 150lbs over the next couple months and then start cutting. I do have my fallers and buckers certification. Didn't want to do the usual "this is me curling 5lb dumbbells" pictures. Wanted to show the practical uses of being a strong person. All photos done by my friend Adam Lockwood.

I know what I forgot to mention in my first comment, does anyone else find it really inappropriate to have a full page photo glamorizing 2 people wearing leather and fur in a vegan magazine??? I mean the photo of Derek and Marcella. It's a great photo, and I much admire their being vegans and what they do for the cause. But, to me, its not at all appropriate as a full page thing and I'm sure people reading the magazine will notice their "clothing". (If the leather and fur are faux then I think it would necessary to have a note on the page indicating that no animals lost their skin for the photo) I don't mind it in the background in their living room photo because its not prominent and can go unnoticed, its just the full page one that really bothers me. Don't we vegans frown upon all the beauty and fashion magazines that promote fur and leather and make it look cool?

ya I was shocked with how much I was eating and still losing weight...I did 5 weeks around 2400 cal and lost 5% BF which was way too fast. I was ready for the show 2 months early. I then bulked for a month - which ended up being more like maintaining because I just can't eat enough - and when I went back to cutting I was losing on 2700 cal. I was doing two 40 minute workouts each day and then another 30 minutes HIIT cardio on top of that. 9 days on and one day rest. Which wasn't enough rest but it was a conscious decision to over train and push the limits. I was working out a lot more than most people do which explains part of the extra calories. My metabolism went out of control. 2 trips to emergency - doctor said my adrenaline was no longer able to shut off. I had hypic jerks all night every night and woke up drenched in sweat a lot. My body was a furnace! These days I bulk at 3500 cal. Its more than I did before, but I am bigger now than I ever was before.

I definitely lost my mind when cutting also... I got down to 9.5% BF for my competition in May, which was my target BF. I did feel very paranoid that I lost a lot of muscle...especially in my arms. Although my arms were bigger than a lot of the other girls. Realistically...you will get smaller when cutting and should expect to look smaller, but more defined. Maintaining one's current size and getting ripped doesn't work. Try not to lose more than 1 or 2 lbs a week when cutting..any faster and the body is more likely to lose muscle. I was on 2400 -2700 cal a day for my cutting ....I don't understand how anyone goes below 2000 cals...especially for men and I think if you do, and feel hungry, that muscle loss is certain. I was doing two hard 40 min workouts plus 30 min HIIT cardio each day. This caused serious sleep problems and I was in the hospital twice from that (caused by my adrenaline not being able to shut off) But I shed 5% BF in 5 weeks. I also calculated macros every day: 40% carb, 40% prot, 20% fat calories. That ratio is common for bodybuilders and really works magic. I agree the 80/10/10 is a good way to maintain low BF. Its more extreme than 40/40/20. I know people who have a lot of success with this. Men should be able to keep 10% long term.

I have been looking into a new suit. I don't have breasts, less than double A, so a push up bra doesn't work becasue there is nothing to push up, even with a tonne of padding I look down and there's big air gaps where by boobs should be. Any tension in the top piece - caused by trying to push flesh upward - instantly pulls the bottom up into a wedgie. I had to glue the top onto my chest to hold it in place. I think everyone has ribs when your at 8% body fat. All the other competitors did. Certainly in amateur levels.

lol... its funny the dots used to annoy me when other people did it...but now I do them...its easier than having a period and then having to deal with capitalizing the next letter. But I can also write absolutely correctly if I need to. I will make an effort, while on your site, to use good punctuation from now on!

I am determined to find out...I am the official backstage bikini biter for the Canadian Nationals in 3 weeks. So... hoping this gets me closer to the inside to find out if there's favoritism etc...and also whether after doing this favor for them they will place me higher at my next show. 2 girls from Nelson placed 1st and 2nd in their division last year....they had no connections and didn't know anyone...so I'm not believing its all rigged...maybe some classes...

Finally found a clear picture from on stage at the competition....this is the link...and to the left are the other girls in my class...who all beat me! (except Crystal) I'm a bit confused because really seriously...I swear I look better. My arms are a bit wide...but the others seem to have flawed poses also. I guess I don't have a judges eye. If anyone has insight please share what you think the judges saw. http://www.russwardrop.com/Competitions/2012-Western-Canadians-Coming/22826733_DDm8bV/1918394483_cKj3Mbg#!i=1918394483&k=cKj3Mbg