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Everything posted by IronSmith

  1. 228 today. Weight just keeps going too fast. Very weak and tired all the time. I am on oxygen all the time now. Hospice has provided me with a lift chair as I'm having so much trouble getting out of normal chairs. Also have a bath bench to take my showers with my wife's assistance. Going down hill rapidly. Still trying to keep my spirits up. My focus is now on quality of life instead to just trying to prolong my life. I haven't given up but I must be realistic and put all my affairs in order. I'm making sure all my family and friends know how much I love them. I'm not afraid to die. I'm at peace with ow I have lived my life. Treated all I know with respect and consideration. I have love all my friends and family with all my heart. I have no retreats. My only sadness is that I won't be able to keep on being here for my loved ones over the years to come. But they know my love for them will never die. This may be one of my last posts. It takes so much out of me to sit in front of my computer now.
  2. 236 this morning. Yesterday was a little better day. My stomach was not quite so upset and I was able to eat a little more. My step-son and his family came over to visit and I saw three of my little grandchildren in their Halloween costumes! Lots of fun. Lifted my spirits.
  3. 238 this morning. Feeling very weak and tired. Out of breath just walking from one side of my home to the other. Tuesday I made a very big and difficult decision. I entered the local Hospice program. They are here to assist myself and my wife to keep me in our home with medical and supportive services. My wife has been taking so much time off her job at a local University to run me to medical appointments, making sure I was safe taking my showers in the morning, etc. This is a real strain on her but she has been so loving and caring through out this entire ordeal. I'm not giving up but I do need to acknowledge I now need the extra help. Yesterday they placed me on oxygen to help me breath better. They also started me on medication to help settle my stomach down so I might be able to eat more. I'm still losing weight way too rapidly. My late Mother-in-law and my first wife Linda had Hospice services the last several months of their lives. Then I helped my present wife gets Hospice for her Mother the last few mothers of her life also. So now it's my turn. Very sobering and humbling. But I must gracefully accept the reality of my situation for both my family and my own sake. Again, I'm not giving up. I'm hoping I can improve and give up Hospice, but I must accept I really do need their wonderful program at this time!
  4. 241 this morning. I had my operation yesterday. My ENT Doctor put me under to put a probe down my throat to get a better look at my vocal cords. He knew one was paralyzed but he was also concerned about the other. If only the one was affected, he was going to inject Botox into the paralyzed cord to plump it up so it would better meet up with the functioning one. That would improve my ability to talk and to swallow and not chock so often. However my "good" vocal cord has some paralysis also. So he could not proceed with the planned procedure. So I have to just make due. So it goes. My wife drove me down to the NASA Ohio Regional Powerlifting Meet here in Springfield today. I didn't stay long but I just wanted to see many of my good friends there. It was so good to see everyone. I had the great privilege to talk some time with the President of NASA Rich Peters and the Ohio NASA Chairman Larry Donahue, both true gentlemen! They are very good friends and I respect the both of them very much. Powerlifting has been very good to me and meeting and becoming good friends with people like them has been a real blessing! Rich runs one of the very best amateur drug free sports organizations in the world. It's been his life's passion and he enriches the physical health and moral character development of all the members of NASA with it's rules of fair play and high standards of lifting performance. He is a great man and I'm proud he is my friend. When my late wife passed away, he send a beautiful planter of flowers for her memorial service. I will always be so thankful for his thoughtfulness and support during the most difficult time in my life!
  5. 242. Very weak and tired. I'm suppose to have my operation on my vocal cords tomorrow. Not looking forward to it.
  6. I weighted in at 248 this morning. Still losing way too fast. Feeling very weak and tired. My wife has been going to the store to buy me fresh produce, etc to try and get me to eat. My appetite is so poor and my stomach so upset, that it is a real struggle to get anything down. I did make some cabbage soup with lots of fresh vegetables and with organic vegetable broth. It's just about the only thing I can get down. I add a table spoon of miso paste which helps get some probiotics in me too. My oldest son and my two grandsons came over to visit this afternoon. That helped me feel a lot better. I love my family so!
  7. 251 this morning. Hoping I hold steady for awhile. I can only eat very small meals with my upset stomach. It is a real effort to try and get in adequate level of calories. I'm not coughing as mush as I have in the past but at least a couple times everyday, I have coughing fits as it feels like things are going "down the wrong hole". Especially when I have to take any pills. I have a pill crusher and I crush those pills I can and mix them in apple sauce to get them down. But the apple cause does not cover the nasty taste some of the crushed pills have. Just get it down with out chocking is better and I'll put up with the bad taste! My wife and I took a short walk around our neighborhood this morning. I had to stop and get my breath often but at least I got outside for awhile. I enjoyed all the beautiful trees as they are changing colors this Fall. I have to get what joy and beauty in my life as possible to keep my spirits up!
  8. Pull with all your heart my young friend! Looks like you have some impressive ink. I didn't get my first tattoo until I was 61 years old and it was a memorial tattoo of my late wife.
  9. I stayed at 250 for three days now. That's good. I saw my ENT Doc today and he has scheduled me for my vocal cord procedure on the 19th. I will be put under and he will be able to get a better picture on my vocal cords. Depending on what he sees, he will then possible proceed to injecting the paralyzed cord with a fluid to plump it up to better match the more active cord. I should then be better able to talk and swallow at least somewhat better. I will also most likely have better breath control. It won't completely back to normal but still a good improvement. Just the relief of getting through all the testing the past several days and eliminating the possibility of some very serious problems, has lifted a lot of pressure off me. And now I know the next step and how it should help me function much better. I had a little more energy this afternoon. It's amazing how much stress drains so much energy out of you. Part of my overall self care is to reduce stress and not deplete my immune system. Easier said than done sometimes!
  10. Well, today was at least a little better news. I stayed at 250 which is good. I saw my lung Doctor and he reviewed the results of my two CAT scans, my echocardiography, and also had me do two tests in his office: a reading of my oxygen levels while sitting and as I walked for about four minutes. It was 97% while sitting and dipped to about 91% while walking but didn't go below that as I continued to walk. The Doctor was pleased with that. He then had me do a breathing force test before and after a breathing treatment. The results were both within normal limits. My lungs appear to be functioning normally. So I basically received over all results within normal limits from both my Cardiologist and Lung Doctor. So apparently my breathing problems go back to my paralyzed vocal cord and inability to maintain air pressure within my lungs due to lack of proper seal as I move around, if that makes sense. I see my ENT Doctor tomorrow. Hopefully he will then agree to do the operation to inflate the paralyzed vocal core so it will better meet up with the active one as needed. My stomach is settling down somewhat. My GP suggested I take some OTC antacids to help settle my stomach down. It seems to be helping. My appetite is still very poor but at least I can get a little more food in my body to slow down my weight loss. And so it goes!
  11. Well, I'm down to 250. Must too fast weight loss. I don't like this at all. My stomach is always upset and appetite is very poor. What I do eat, I try to make as nutritious as I can. Organic and bland with no processed food at all. My right vocal cord is paralyzed and it is very easy to gag on food and liquids. I have to be very careful and eat very small bites and sip my fluids sitting straight up turning my head to the left as instructed by my speech therapist. But the thing that bothers me the most is that I lose my breath so early now. Just walking up a flight of starers and I have to sit down trying to get my breathing under control for 5-10 minutes. Going down to my cellar gym to weigh myself has become very difficult. My step son brought up my medical scale and put it in my back hallway so it would be easier and safer for me. I was getting dizzy too after climbing the stairs. I've had two contrast cat scan in the past several days. The first was ordered by my ENT Doctor as he was so concerned about my breathing problems. That one came back with indication that the tumor in my lung area is growing and is pressing against my heart. There was also evidence that I may have fluid around my heart that is constricting the heart beats. He referred me back to my GP and to arrange I see both a cardiologist and a lung doctor. Well I saw the cardiologist on Friday. He has me take a echocardiography and the test came back negative about the fluid around my heart. He ordered the second contrast cat scam this time to look at the blood vessels in my chest area to see if there is any indication of swelling or bleeding in that area. I haven't received the results from that test but at least the Doctor didn't call me to go back to the hospital for any emergency care so no news is good news. Tomorrow I see the Lung Doctor. He is part of the same medical practice as my cardiologist and my Urologist so I should get some more up to date results during that appointment. I hope. My GP said that the Lung Doctor may order a portable oxygen machine for when I go out of my home. I can only hope that it all is not as serious as all of this appears so far. The hill just keeps getting steeper and steeper. AS anxious as this all gets me at times, I still am keeping up my hope and I will never give up my fight.
  12. I weighted in at 256 this morning. I'm still losing weight way too fast. My appetite is very poor and I have a very upset stomach all the time with diarrhea. I have no idea if this is caused by my cancer or my paralyzed vocal cord and all the coughing I have. I'm getting very poor sleep and I am exhausted and weak. I went for an upper body contrast CT scan this afternoon to help determine what may be going on. I hated to have another exposure to radiation but it was necessary at this time. My speech therapist has been very good with me. She has explained why I have many of the symptoms that I have including shortness of breath and problems swallowing. Also she explained why I had problems squatting a few weeks ago when I had more energy. With my paralyzed vocal cord, I am unable to hold my breath. I just couldn't build up any compression in my abs as I tried to press my stomach against my lifting belt to keep my middle rigid as I squatted. I felt very unsteady under the bar. Not very safe at all. Who would know the vocal cords effects so many other body parts? It even effects trying to defecate if there is any blockage. Good thing I eat so much vegetables and fruit to keep regular!
  13. 262. Too fast of a loss once again! On the positive side, I had my second high Vit C IV treatment today. Next week the therapist will increase the level once again and see how I am responding to it. There is a safety protocol that she and my Doctor are following even though it is 99% of the time a very safe procedure. But better safe than sorry! This should help jack up my immune system and help my body fight the cancer. Everything I am doing is along the same lines. Eating clean fresh unprocessed vegan organic foods, 50-80 % raw. That and reducing all chemicals, preservatives, pollutants, empty nutrition junk food, etc. Just cleaning up my environment, and cutting out all the stuff I can that is damaging to my body. Everyday I seem to learn something to fine tune my approach. But trying not to obsess about this. Need to relax, have fun, and celebrate life to the fullest no matter how much time I may or may not have in my future!
  14. Well, I weighted in at 263 this morning. Down another two pounds. I was planning on trying to keep my weight stable for another week until I started to try losing weight again, but here we are again. While I do want to lose at least another 63 pounds to get under 200, I just want to be sure I don't lose too fast. I would lose too much muscle mass instead of mostly fat if I lose too fast. I want to be able to do sensible exercise training along the way. If I lose too fast, I feel too weak and exhausted most of the time. The good news is that I started my high dose Vit. C IV yesterday. I will be building up my dosage over a few weeks time. The ultimate goal is to reach 75 grams of C IV three times a week. This is part of my alternative medicine treatment to fight my prostate cancer. If I was to try to take that much Vit. C orally, my system could not handle it. For one thing, I would get a terrible case of diarrhea. Not good. This much Vit C must be closely medically monitored and not done by anyone except a trained nutritional IV therapist under a Doctor's supervision. Do not try this at home! I'm very hopeful about this treatment that goes along with several other interventions. I'm not saying everyone who has cancer should do this, I'm only sharing what I personally have decided to do under the medical supervision with a Doctor trained in alternative medicine. Everyone need to do their own research on what is available out there and take responsibility for their own decisions. There are no guarantee that what I'm doing will work but it is only my personal belief that it will for me! I pray I am correct!
  15. Thanks for the support everyone. It does help to know others are following my posts and that they may be gaining something from my experience and struggles. If it help others face similar adversities or deal with reaching their own goals, then it all worth it! Well, I saw my speech therapist this past Wednesday and I really liked her. Very knowledgable and informative. She is submitting a treatment plan to my insurance company and I should start two times a week starting this week. That's the good news. The bad news is that my voice is completely gone today. I can't talk above a low whisper and get out of breath even as I try that. So I have just tried to rest my voice all day today. I hope this is just temporary. I have promised my wife that I will not try to talk until I see my speech therapist next. Very hard for a guy who loves to talk with all my friends and family. My weight has remained stable. One more week at the mid 260's and then I will start to try to slowly reduce my weight once again. I really want to get below 200 and see how I feel then. I get up out of chairs much more easily and so up and down stairs easily now even though I do get out of breath at the present time. Just no pain in my left knee with the ruptured meniscus. Also easer to put on my socks and shoes, etc. I have talked to my chelation/nutritional therapist about getting high dosage Vitamin C IV three times a week to help fight my cancer. I'll find out Tuesday the cost and decide if I can fit it into my budget. All this alternative medicine approach is very expensive as most of it is not covered by insurance. That plus always buying organic vegetables and fruit when ever I can all adds up.
  16. 267 again this morning. I appear to have stabilized my weight for the time being. I am thankful. I just was losing way to fast for a few weeks and my entire family was concerned. My stomach has almost completely stetted down. I think eating very bland small meals and taking my probiotics and enzymes really helped. Today I plan on going on a long walk in the sun this morning. And doing a very light leg workout later this afternoon. I need to slowly build up my strength once again. When I weight myself in the morning I go down into my basement gym and use my medical scale. Then I walk back up the stairs. Currently just that effort leaves me breathless for a little while. I used to run stadium stairs with lots of endurance. I need to build up my endurance to a more acceptable level once again. I will not go gently into the night. I will continue to fight for my life. I have promises to keep.
  17. Thanks for your kind words PhytoAthlete. I think there is a lot the entire medical field doesn't know about most diseases. They do more to treat symptoms but seem to do poorly with causes! Busy past two days. My weight has stabilized around 265-268 for the time being. I would like it to hold for another week or so then I would like to slowly lose weight again in a more healthy manner. We will see. Friday my brother-in-law flew up from Florida to pick up his Dad, Lester. He will take Lester down to live with him on a permeant basis.Lester is 93 years old and has recovered very well from his closely operation. He is able to walk OK again and is doing very well. But his early Alzheimer's is progressing. He is unable to care for his closely bag and changing it. My brother-in-law is a nurse and will take good care of him. He works out of his home 4 days a week and will have another care taker with Lester on the fifth day of the week. WE had a big family get together on Friday evening for the grandsons and their families to say goodbye to Lester. We had over 25 people in our home for the party. I was not able to prepare my usual big vegan feast I usually put on when we have there get togethers. My wife picked up some food to bring in and it worked out OK. But I miss doing it all my self. I have everyone usually looking forward to my "tree hugger" food. I'm slowly converting people to consider going vegan. Oh, well. Saturday we drove Wayne and Lester to the airport and then I took Rita out to dinner at the Cheese Cake Factory. They have a few meals there I can eat and it worked out good. Rita was very upset to see her Father leave and she is a fried she may never see him again alive. But I think we will. Rita said now she can focus her full attention to taking care of me. That kinda of scares me for some reason. LOL Anyways, life goes on and I do need to keep my focus on getting better. This Wednesday I go to a speech therapist to help me with swallowing and speaking. My Ear, Nose, and Throat Doctor, who still believes my throat problems are caused by my prostate cancer,is considering performing an operation on one of my vocal cords that is paralyzed. He want to inject some fluid into the vocal cord so it will meet the other vocal cord half way as they close to help me swallow. Always something. But first he want to see if the speech therapist can help me. I hope so. I have been walking more. Almost every day I am able to take a nice walk and I love it. Getting out in the sun and recharging my Vit. D levels is a big part of my self care for my Prostate Cancer.
  18. 268 this morning. I actually gained some weight. May be only water weight but at least I'm not currently free falling like I was. My stomach is not completely OK but I am at least able to eat fairly decent amounts once again as long as they are small meals 4-5 times a day. Eating clean and bland for now. Also taking my probiotics and enzymes which seem to help. I have not written about this but I lost a very good friend last week that effected me greatly. His names was Joe and I met him at chlelation therapy about two years ago. He also had prostate cancer and was fighting it using natural alternative medicine methods. He was a friend, a mentor, and a real inspiration. I learned a lot from Joe. We were always sharing ideas, resources, and encouraging each other. He was making excellent progress and his success helped give me courage and hope. Then this past Tuesday he died at a restaurant from a massive heart attack. I may be wrong about this but I don't think he had any history of heart problems. This was a total shock to all of us who knew Joe. It's just one of those things that just doesn't make any sense. He was trim, very active, ate very clean, and looked very healthy! He was only 61 years old. I went to his memorial service on Saturday in Columbus and the large church was almost completely full with friends and family paying their last respects. He was truly a very loved and respected man. A true gentleman who brought so much grace and love into this world. I will miss him greatly. RIP Joe!
  19. 265. The good news is this is a total loss of 95 pounds since I first became aware of my prostate problems a year ago last February. That an average of 5.27 pounds loss every month. It has been very slow going except for the past few weeks. But I rather do it slow than so fast that it injures my health. At this rate, I should be about 245 by Christmas which would be good. My over all goal is to get below 200 and then reassess where I'm at. Over weight men have more prostate cancer relapses than thin ones. They tend to convert their testosterone to estrogen which increases their risk levels. So getting thinner is part of my over all plan to beat my cancer. That plus clean vegan diet as organic as I can without any processed foods and 50 to 80 % raw. Cut out as many pollutants in my my life as possible. Filtered drinking water and in my shower. I've changed all my personal hygiene products to those without chemicals, dyes, fluorides, aluminum, etc. I'm trying to keep my pH to 7.2 or higher as cancer can not exist in an alkaline environment. I'm also trying to work with my new Alternative Medicine Doctor to treat my prostate cancer in a natural manner. No more of main stream cancer treatment's "Standard of Care" of cut, burn, or poison, that is surgery, radiation, or chemotherapy. However all the supplements etc are very expensive and are not covered by medical insurance even though it less expensive than all the drugs, chemo, etc of standard care. Go figure!
  20. 266 and holding. Appetite is a little better. My wife and I are going out to the dam this morning as it is still cool and walk the causeway. It will be good to be in the sun!
  21. 266. Able to eat a little more again yesterday. Bu not able to stomach my green smoothies yet. The thought of them turns my stomach at the present time. But I know I need to get back to them soon!
  22. 266. The good news is I was able to eat a little more yesterday. Not a lot but at least I got some nourishment down and keep it down.
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