Hello, you are great and I understand your condition, the main thing is to follow your goal. You can make up a diet for yourself by day, and an exercise plan. I think it will be easier. Perhaps you need psychological support (it helped me at one time when I had problems with health), there is an online consultation with a psychologist, I saw about this on the forum https://answers.afrihost.com/17756/why-do-i-get-a-massage-saying-my-acount-has-been-disabled?show=22217#a22217, you can talk about your problems, get support and decide what to do next.