"2 Things Are Infinite: The Universe And Human Stupidity...

[strawberryriddick]

...and I'm not sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein

 

 

Based on a chat we had in the, well, chat, I decided it'd be a fun idea to start a thread dedicated to idiots you've encountered. Maybe it's at work, maybe it's something you overheard, maybe it's something someone said to you about being vegan...whatever it is, post it here so we can all laugh with you!

 

 

This is from when I was in the Marines: We have to keep track of everyone in the company. Sometimes, they leave. One time, they were leaving to go to Iraq...

Sergeant (Sgt): "Hey, I need you to delete the Marines that are marked as going to Iraq."

Me: "Okay."

Sgt (2 hours later): "I told you to delete the Marines marked as going to Iraq."

Me: "Yeah, I did. There were only two."

Sgt: "No, no, there are more than two."

Me: "Well, only two were marked."

Sgt: "No, no, no, you have to mark them, then delete them off the roster."

Me: "Well, I don't know who's going to Iraq. I don't have the manning document [roster of names for those who are deploying]."

Sgt: "Oh, no one does except for me. I'm the only one who has it, I'm the only one who knows who's going and who's staying."

Me: (long pause in hopes she realizes what she's saying)

Sgt: "Oh, okay, I'll take care of it."

 

 

 

My first job was at a Wendy's. I gave a guy his change, which included dollars, and sent him on his merry way to the pick-up window. There, he raised holy hell because I "gyped" him on his change. Apparently, he wasn't aware of a dollar coin, and thought I short-changed him heavily. He also yelled until I replaced the dollar coins with paper dollars, because he apparently "didn't believe it was real money."

[offense74]

"Plant food doesn't contain phosphorus and it is therefore damaging to the microvilli in the small intestines. It's dangerous, you should look it up."

 

"Are you one of those who releases minks? Or is that the vegetarians?"

[beforewisdom]

Offense, who told you that first piece of stupidity?

 

I have a vegan friend with diseased kidneys whose life depends on not taking in too much phosphorous. Most plant foods have loads of phosphorus, so much so, that she has to track what plant foods she eats. She even has to eat white bread and white rice because whole grains contain too much phosphorus for her kidneys.

Edited December 23, 2008 by beforewisdom

[offense74]

It's a guy from my "work group". I don't actually work with him though. He said it while we were at "christmas feast" (like a Swedish smorgasbord) were, out of 150 dishes, I could have the boiled potatoes and some crackers. he gorged on processed meats and fish.

 

I only tolerate so much stupidity, people below this threshold receives none of my time since I discovered that it is no point. I answered "Yes." to his statement.

[Zack]

I only tolerate so much stupidity, people below this threshold receive none of my time.

 

I love it.

[hilary wright]

again, this is why we love Offence!

[Vegan Joe]

If I wasn't below that threshold, I'd feel the same way. Damit!

[offense74]

If I wasn't below that threshold, I'd feel the same way. Damit!

I thought I'd explained for you a couple of times how things work. You seem to not listen sometimes.

If you were below the threshold I'd be all: Yeah Joe, outside California everything is North Korea.

[strawberryriddick]

I like where this thread is going.

 

Plus, we all know there's only CA and North Korea.

 

 

I had someone call me at work (a supplement shop) thinking she called a car dealership.

"I was driving past and I saw a model I liked and I was wondering if I could setup a test drive."

"Oh, no, this is [supplement store], a supplement store. You're trying to call [car place], a car dealership."

"What's the difference?"

"One is a store that sells supplements. The other is a car dealership."

"What's the difference?"

"We sell pills. You want the place that sells cars."

"Oh. You do supplements?"

"Yes."

"Can you sell me a car?"

"Only if you like Fords."

*click*

 

 

 

I had someone say, "I'm not talking to you anymore, you're closed-minded." We were talking just fine, but then a couple things came out (my religion and political affiliation, the latter of which I've changed), and she told me that.

I said, "But if you're going to judge me based on that, doesn't that make you closed-minded?"

"Well...uh...well...it's okay to be closed-minded to you because you're a closed-minded person."

 

Each time I retell/type that exchange, the anuerism I had when she said that starts to bleed again.

[Lena01]

"Well...uh...well...it's okay to be closed-minded to you because you're a closed-minded person."

Hahahahaha!

 

This is not nearly as funny but oh well, this was a random guy I met at a party, he was not drunk.

 

Guy: So where are you from?

Me: Cuba

Guy: Sweeeet! So you must speak Cuban?!

Me: No, it's Spanish, that's what we speak in Cuba.

Guy: Oh I didn't know Cuba was in Spain...

[offense74]

"Well...uh...well...it's okay to be closed-minded to you because you're a closed-minded person."

Hahahahaha!

 

This is not nearly as funny but oh well, this was a random guy I met at a party, he was not drunk.

 

Guy: So where are you from?

Me: Cuba

Guy: Sweeeet! So you must speak Cuban?!

Me: No, it's Spanish, that's what we speak in Cuba.

Guy: Oh I didn't know Cuba was in Spain...

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b145/offense74/1008526290_l.jpg

[Dr. Pink]

This bit of stupidity is actually my own. I was a stupid teenager.

 

Place: Biology Class, Freshman year.

 

we were watching a video on sloths. Animals that move slowly from tree to tree. And when it came time for questions mine was," So, do sloths fall from the tree slowly?".

 

Looking back I can see how it was stupid. But then I seriously did not think twice. It just seemed like a normal question. Talk about naive .

 

My friend Jason was there too. And remembers the look on the teachers face, and the fact that he fell out of his chair laughing.

[hilary wright]

"Well...uh...well...it's okay to be closed-minded to you because you're a closed-minded person."

Hahahahaha!

 

This is not nearly as funny but oh well, this was a random guy I met at a party, he was not drunk.

 

Guy: So where are you from?

Me: Cuba

Guy: Sweeeet! So you must speak Cuban?!

Me: No, it's Spanish, that's what we speak in Cuba.

Guy: Oh I didn't know Cuba was in Spain...

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b145/offense74/1008526290_l.jpg

 

 

Awesome . . . and totally accurate!

[strawberryriddick]

Guy: So where are you from?

Me: Cuba

Guy: Sweeeet! So you must speak Cuban?!

Me: No, it's Spanish, that's what we speak in Cuba.

Guy: Oh I didn't know Cuba was in Spain...

 

Ugh, that reminds me. I was born on Guam. I am native to Guam. My mother is Guamanian, so I am Guamanian. I don't look it, so people ask if I'm a military brat. I'm not, but that's understandable since my dad is Lebanese and so I don't look Guamanian (Chamorro). But there are questions that just...ugh.

 

"What language do they speak on Guam?"

"English."

"REALLY?"

 

"So, you can't be president since you're from Guam?"

"It's part of the United States. Yes, I can."

 

"Do you have your US citizenship?"

"GUAM IS A US TERRITORY."

 

 

 

I asked people online if they could recommend non-soy vegan protein powders. My favorite answer was, "Try whey or casein. I am almost certain that they are not animal derived."

[beforewisdom]

I can't believe that nobody has mentioned this classic stupidity:

 

An omnivore is offered vegan food. They pause, look cautious, look suspicious and ask

"Ummm, whats in it?"

 

Like they are going to be told something gross, as if the answer could be anything other than a variation of "plant products chopped up and/or cooked, processed"

[strawberryriddick]

I can't believe that nobody has mentioned this classic stupidity:

 

An omnivore is offered vegan food. They pause, look cautious, look suspicious and ask

"Ummm, whats in it?"

 

Like they are going to be told something gross, as if the answer could be anything other than a variation of "plant products chopped up and/or cooked, processed"

Or, even better, when people enjoy what they're eating until they're told what it is. My mother is an omni and always has been. As a kid, she was eating meat from the BBQ and noticed she loved it. Her mother told her it was beef tongue, and she hasn't eaten it since. I never understood that: if it was the best meat you've ever had, why stop because you know what it is? You can say the same for anything, but that was the example I had on-hand.