SeaSiren - I have answers

[SeaSiren]

Well sort of anyway. Had a run of it last night again mostly couldn't keep my leg from "kicking" on it's own all day and it would come in waves. The dizziness made me lay down. I got back up and decided I would run back to the hospital and stay on their case until all my tests were read and I spoke to real doctor! I don't do sick well at ALL, I NEVER get sick!!!! So the entire situation has pretty well pissed me off. Having control issues ( ), I need to be in control of this!

 

I was in the hospital for a total of 4 hours. This is what I was told. Aside from the CAT which they can see a very small area ALL tests came back clear. (thank God). When the ran the blood work I did come up with some nutritional deficiencies, but that is a side factor not really related too much. I am not a risk factor in anyway shape or form. Although my sister had a stroke she was 300 lbs and had high Blood Pressure and High Cholestrol which she refused to control or take her meds. Other than that no stroke in the family, so it isn't genetic. I can tell you on any given day how many calories and the break down of those, I train every day include cardio and am not over weight, plus I'm young.

 

So ruling everything else out they asked if I had had any added stress ....hmmm let's see intense training for comp, I'm in my season and working horrible hours at work, and going through divorce, plus kids etc. So when asked how I handle stress, I was baffled. Not sure what they ment.... so I said I just deal with it. My DH was there and said "you mean the Ice Queen?" They seem to think I should be a screamer, cryer, something..... um no thank-you. I've seen people cry when upset or after someone dies or scream when they are angry etc. They look like they are miserable, I'm all for holding it in myself. I don't even raise my voice, as I see not point in the outcome, and have not shed a tear after the death of my son so many years ago. Which is why they think I simply "blew a gasket" at this point. So that's their best guess.

 

My plan of action is to get more structure in my day (everything, from cleaning, to work, to eating, training, sleep schedule), get some of the load off me at work. And tell the kids NO on occassion regarding the million and one activities they want to do. I have to address the nutritional deficiencies (low potassium and low iron...interesting since I already take an iron supp.) Oh, and men in general may have to be put on hold for some time to come.....I don't need even 1 more factor right now. They have me on Valium for a few days until I see my main doctor on Wed. It has helped stop the leg twitching, but I am not supposed to drive.

 

So in such a "like me" style I jumped on the treadmill today and took it easy. But I was able to fall into my trance which is like therapy for me. Not training has been hell for me. I NEED it.

 

Again thanks so much for all the well wishes and positive energy. Now I just need to heal, organize and move on.

 

God Bless,

Denise Nicole

[chesty leroux]

glad to hear it wasnt a stroke. still pretty hectic tho hey? it's crazy that all that can be caused by stress. did they reccomend therapy or anything like that?

[SeaSiren]

glad to hear it wasnt a stroke. still pretty hectic tho hey? it's crazy that all that can be caused by stress. did they reccomend therapy or anything like that?

 

Yes, they did. I won't do therapy I like not feeling intensely like others, they look so miserable. I'll find another outlet.

[DV]

Thanks for the update! Glad to know your health doesn't resemble your sister's so it doesn't look genetic.

 

If your CT scan was negative then it looks like there's no permanent damage (great) but the etiology has not been discovered (not great but not unusual). There are a few things that can cause stroke or transient ischemic attacks (which is what yours sounds like). There can be a blockage in the brain arteries, similar to blockages in the heart. There can be blockages that come from other areas of the body (embolus) such as blood clots, plaques, fat embolus (usually during an operation involving large bones), air (also during operations). Another cause can be vasospasm of arteries in the brain - similar to the young, healthy person who suffers a heart attack but has arteries clear of plaques. An artery or vein that bleeds in the head or a tumor could also cause this but would have been discovered on CT scan most likely. Certainly, there may be other causes but I'm pulling this from the top of my head and my experience from way back in the Neurosurgical ICU.

 

Unfortunately, it can be a long process to discover the underlying etiology and can also cost a lot of money for tests. I cannot imagine how frustrating this is for you. I hope you find an answer soon and do not have any more symptoms.

 

As this has happened once, you may want to consider a medical alert bracelet and/or keep something in your wallet that identifies the possibility that you may be experiencing a stroke if you are discovered symptomatic while away from friends/family. This card should also direct that you be taken to the nearest emergency room that has a brain attack protocol - not every ER has the ability to treat brain attack and the first few hours are the "golden" hours of treatment. Not to be an alarmist, but I would certainly know where the nearest capable ER is if I just had your experience. I hope to god you never need to use one again.

 

You're in my thoughts.

[xdarthveganx]

glad to hear it wasnt a stroke. still pretty hectic tho hey? it's crazy that all that can be caused by stress. did they reccomend therapy or anything like that?

 

Yes, they did. I won't do therapy I like not feeling intensely like others, they look so miserable. I'll find another outlet.

 

sorry to say it, but that is an extremely unhealthy assumption youre making. Instead of letting go of your emotions and stress, and then getting over them and feeling better about them youre holding them in. Obviously its tearing you apart from the inside out. Maybe its time rethink things a little bit?

[offense74]

Well, at least no one can accuse you of being whiny. You are like Margeret Thatcher but way hotter.

 

This is my way of giving compliments. And you though you had problems....

[SeaSiren]

No therapy. Most of them have serious issues themselves and expect me to be a cry baby and pour my heart. Not happening. I'm known for being cold and like it that way....not having all that emotional baggage is a good thing.

 

Most don't know it but I had a black child hood and turbulent first marriage (earned me a helicopter ride to John's Hopkins). I don't remember most of it even the attempt on my life from my first. But witnesses let me know what happened. I simply "turn it off" and move on auto pilot. No good can come of reliving my past. I've been happy since then, and like happy and I can turn my emotions off like a switch .....very cool, I like the control. I just see the world differently and I am OK with that. I want to live my life from this point, not dwell on the past. No matter where I came from, it's the future I am focusing on ....the past has made me strong. I'm not going back there again.

 

Just looking forward to going back to training and getting focused on my future.

[xdarthveganx]

but you're not turning it off, you are just burying it deep inside and its killing you. Letting emotions out is how our bodies and minds deal with things. Forcing those emotions deep into your brain and refusing to let them out is taking an OBVIOUS toll on your health. I am an emotional person, when I am happy I laugh and smile, when I am sad I cry, when I am mad I yell. I can honestly say I am one of the happiest people I have EVER met 99.9% of the time. Venting my frustrations and my emotions is what has made me TRULY happy. Not pretending they don't exist and putting on a happy face for all to see. I have to be honest about this because it is affecting your health. These physical problems should be the wake up call you need to reevaluate past behaviors.

[Zack]

but you're not turning it off, you are just burying it deep inside and its killing you. Letting emotions out is how our bodies and minds deal with things. Forcing those emotions deep into your brain and refusing to let them out is taking an OBVIOUS toll on your health. I am an emotional person, when I am happy I laugh and smile, when I am sad I cry, when I am mad I yell. I can honestly say I am one of the happiest people I have EVER met 99.9% of the time. Venting my frustrations and my emotions is what has made me TRULY happy. Not pretending they don't exist and putting on a happy face for all to see. I have to be honest about this because it is affecting your health. These physical problems should be the wake up call you need to reevaluate past behaviors.

 

This man speaks the truth!

[Veganitaliana]

but you're not turning it off, you are just burying it deep inside and its killing you. Letting emotions out is how our bodies and minds deal with things. Forcing those emotions deep into your brain and refusing to let them out is taking an OBVIOUS toll on your health. I am an emotional person, when I am happy I laugh and smile, when I am sad I cry, when I am mad I yell. I can honestly say I am one of the happiest people I have EVER met 99.9% of the time. Venting my frustrations and my emotions is what has made me TRULY happy. Not pretending they don't exist and putting on a happy face for all to see. I have to be honest about this because it is affecting your health. These physical problems should be the wake up call you need to reevaluate past behaviors.

 

This man speaks the truth!

 

Sorry SS, but I agree too. Please don't take this as judgemental. It is sincere concern. If you don't deal with past issues, they'll keep coming back to haunt you. Perhaps therapy is not the answer. Maybe it's meditation or something like it-I'm not sure. Just don't bury your feelings, please.

[lotus]

I truly believe that releasing emotions is healthy. It does not mean you are dwelling, it means you are releasing. Stress can ruin you, no matter how healthy you are otherwise.

It sounds like life has been pretty tough for you and no doubt internalizing all of it won't work forever, ya gotta process stuff sometime...even if it is little by little. Either alone, with good friends, or even a counselor or support group....whatever feels best for you.

I used to "put things away" and I was seen as "cold" and now I am a big processor....I think about whatever the issue is until I am sick of it. It is the things that i stored away, that are hard to deal with in someways...they have been stored for so long that it is actually harder to deal with now. But I do, little by little. I feel better.

Also, lack of potassium can cause muscle spasms or twitches. It is very important to the nervous system, which controls muscle movement.

So getting back on the tread mill may not be best until you replenish those electro lytes!

Eat a lot of bananas and maybe do Recharge and or EmergenC.

All the best to you and I hope things get better for you soon.

Just keep in mind that the what you are going through right now is most likely a warning, and if things don't change you could possibly find yourself in a worse situation.

[Kon]

heres my point of view for what its worth.

What you do depends upon what you want to get out of what it is you are seeking.

I too am not very outwardly emotional, and I dissagree that expressing your emotions itself makes you healthy. You can choose to believe that by yelling out loud that it makes you feel better, and it might, but the yelling itself hasn't fixed what made you angry in the first place.

It is more likely that all it does is distract you from the real issues and cloud your thinking long enough to make you alter your frame of mind, and once your frame of mind is changed, you no longer see the issue as you did before and may be onto something else compeltely, but you wont know how to stop what set you off in the first place because you simply ignore the reasoning which you choose when the issue arises and simply fall back on what you know works.

I may not show my emotions that much, but I do have emotion and choose consciously how to express it if I need to. Solving an emotional problem cant be solved by being more emotional.

[DV]

I don't recall reading that SeaSiren stated a stroke had been ruled out. And I can tell you that I have never heard of stress or repressed feelings causing the symptoms she described. Give her a break. She told us that she has her way of dealing with her feelings. That sounds like a lot of people who don't then have stroke symptoms. If she had gas pains could this also be blamed on repressed emotions? Get real.

 

SeaSiren,

After speaking with another physician friend (ooh, bad, I know because he doesn't believe that repressed feelings are the cause, instead of like, mini blood clots) we started to wonder if your doctors considered any cardiac dysrhythmias or valvular problems. Either could cause micro emboli that would give the symptoms you described. An echocardiogram is one diagnostic test for valvular problems and a 24 hour halter monitor test can usually pick up rhythm problems. Neither, however, rules out vasospasm. I read your first post about "after ruling everything else out" but it wasn't a very thorough rule out diagnosis in my opinion, and I never did read a diagnosis.

 

I know a lot of people who don't handle stress in a "healthy" way (who decides what's healthy anyway?) and they haven't had your sypmptoms. Please don't internalize this and think that your thoughts or actions or lack of actions have in any way caused this. I truly hope you do not experience any more symptoms.

 

Sorry if I've upset any of you but I cannot stand to witness someone being "blamed" for their illness when I know that there actually are things beyond our control. Perhaps age and medical knowledge does that for you.

[xdarthveganx]

Regardless, the obviously emotional issues should be addressed by anyone trying to be a friend. Worst case scenario her "stress" is directly contributing to her illness, best case scenario she has an unrelated illness which will only be made worse by bottling in undue stress. Sorry, you can reword stuff ten times to sunday, dosent make holding in your problems any healthier. The fact of the matter is, all those emotions HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE. If you refuse to let them out they WILL take a toll on you, in one way or another.

[SeaSiren]

SeaSiren,

After speaking with another physician friend (ooh, bad, I know because he doesn't believe that repressed feelings are the cause, instead of like, mini blood clots) we started to wonder if your doctors considered any cardiac dysrhythmias or valvular problems. Either could cause micro emboli that would give the symptoms you described. An echocardiogram is one diagnostic test for valvular problems and a 24 hour halter monitor test can usually pick up rhythm problems. Neither, however, rules out vasospasm. I read your first post about "after ruling everything else out" but it wasn't a very thorough rule out diagnosis in my opinion, and I never did read a diagnosis.

 

I had the works done. There was a small something on the CAT scan. Everything else is clean (although they are still waiting for the one that senses seisures which is being read in Texas). So they know I had some kind of neurological event and am still having side effects, we think will go away. The muscle relaxer has helped the uncontrolled twitching in my leg. Since everything else is clean and I do not have high Bood Pressure or Cholestrol (although have had periods of high BP since the event, which they also think will go away) they can only think it is stress and the fact that I don't express myself like others.

 

In all honesty I generally don't like all the drama I see in others. So no need to dig up the past, there is nothing that could convince me to dig it up. It doesn't matter anymore from that stand point. Now dealing with the present has hurt many relationship since I come across as unfeeling and just not caring.

 

That all being said the concern from my friends here is genuine and endearing. Thank-you

[Veganitaliana]

 

That all being said the concern from my friends here is genuine and endearing. Thank-you

 

Just wish I could do more.

[finbarrio]

SS - glad you found some answers. I hope you see/feel how much everyone cares for you here. That's why I have to agree that "switching off" is probably not the healthiest option, and I fear we'll be back here wishing you well again some time in the future.

 

I agree that negative emotions have to be understood and dealt with - even if dealing with them means that I understand that, in the big picture perspective, the emotion I'm feeling is either pointless, or a projection of my own insecurities. Then I can turn it off - usually after laughing at myself first.

[xdarthveganx]

Fin you make total sense. I think we have all been there. However that is A HELL of alot different then not shedding a single tear when your son dies.

[SeaSiren]

Fin you make total sense. I think we have all been there. However that is A HELL of alot different then not shedding a single tear when your son dies.

 

Ahhh, no, no, no... I screamed and cried when it happened like the walls were coming down. The sound of myself at the time was so primal the pain so heavy I can still remember it vividly today. I remember collapsing to the floor and rocking back and forth singing a lulliby....prob a nervous breakdown of sorts. The nurses instantly came in and without my permission held me down and gave me a seditive. I felt NOTHING after that....and it was wonderful. They did not allow me to grieve back then. Everything is relative. There has been no pain or event so significant to waste my energy regarding emotions on. Thus, I just don't.