precision female

I got my magazine in the mail a couple days ago...Its great!...read it cover to cover. Some really interesting articles. I really hope it takes off and I fully support it...I have been showing it to friends... However....there were MANY typos and grammar problems throughout....I counted nearly one typo per article. It really detracted from the professionalism and made the quality of the magazine questionable to some people. Hope that's sorted out before the next issue!

This is only part of my family...I do have some more....8 cats in this picture. All black (or black and white) They are rescues...they're all spayed and neutered and have a 2 acre property to roam...and they all sleep in my bed with me at night if they can...sometimes I wake up not able to breathe under 100+ lbs of cats. Gretchen, Chet, Isaiah, Nathan, Sol, Jace, Damian, and Tristan.

how does this work? is this just one rep personal bests for squat,bench, and deadlift? Or do you have to do more reps? Please tell me so I can do it tomorrow and add my numbers...

realistically...I doubt you can massively improve upper body strength in a week before the practice test...hopefully there is a bit more time before the real test? It took me many months... years even, to get my push ups, chin ups etc up to military standards (even though I have no intention of joining the military, air force, or navy, but I was curious what it was to be "army strong" and what the standards are....) Be sure to rest a couple days before the tests...if the muscles are sore from the previous day or 2 of push ups etc it will drag performance down.

I think that being happy with my body has never been the objective, I like how it looks but that is irrelevant to me, what I want is to be able to say something about veganism and healthy lifestyle with it...but nobody sees the person who places 9th out of 10. In a small town here I have small town fame as the girl with the crazy long hair, hot red motorcycle, and fantastic body...a lot of people here do now attach being vegan to that character...but its a small audience in a small town and I want to expand. Not for ego...but for the message of ethical lifestyle.

I tend not to candy coat my life with seeing the good side of every bad situation. Not that I don't appreciate what was accomplished...but my primary objective was not achieved and that is not satisfactory to me. I have always been a straight-A type of person at the top of whatever I do. Placing 9th out of 10 (I did see the official results today) isn't acceptable. I'm not boo hooing over it (although I am still boo hooing the tan job)...but anyone can pay $200 and compete on stage in any body condition. I tend to see candy coating as a way of avoiding feeling bad for a failure and ultimately it leads to more and more excuses for not putting the effort into succeeding, and makes not doing good enough ok. Here is my Stix cartoon about it... this is the only candy coating that I give to the situation. Especially funny to those on the forum who know I had a run in with some cops and the psych ward not long ago...

To place that low really aggravates me...it is not at all acceptable to my personality type and I stamped myself with a big "Fail and Redo the assignment" stamp in my mind. I was already planning for the next show as I walked off stage...a few small changes would have placed me much higher ( longer eye lashes...I didn't realize I HAD to have fake ones and I did go and buy them so I had them in the evening show.) Needed WAY more jemstones on my bikini...being a novice show I thought that my moderately fancy one would be average but it wasn't...it was totally dull compared to the others. And I need a decent tan! It wasn't my body and stage performance that didn't make the cut...although I will have to tone up my glutes a touch more... the next show is Nov 10th.... I weighed in at 122lbs the morning of the show, 9.5% body fat 2 days before the show...was hoping for 125. The 2 winning girls were clearly holding more muscle so my goal is to put on 20 lbs....or at least high 130's and then hopefully compete 126ish in November.

Thanks Robert for your support...in the little into blurb they read when you walk out individually to pose I mentioned thankyou to you and the support from veganbodybuilding.com website. I had no team or trainer to thank like everyone else did. (And your book was a real key motivator as well.) Here are 2 more pics...one from August 1st last year - I guess the real "before pic", its pretty hideous....the day I got out of bed (6.5 year chronic depression) and decided to push my body to the limit, my life took an intense turn that day...I didn't seriously consider a competition at that point but I was going to pretend and do everything as though preparing for one. the 2nd one is the only pic I have of me on stage (although I'm desperately still hoping to find someone who has decent pictures)

I think I need to post another back picture to help improve my self esteem in this moment of feeling like a failure. This is from last night...at least I'm good at some muscles.

First show completed...I didn't place well...somewhere in the last 4 out of 10. Glutes and hamstrings didn't come in as well as I wanted. And I got REALLY bad "professional" tan from the on site tanning company. I looked like I rolled in a mud puddle it was so streaky and blotchy and everyone else had a flawless tan and were giving my pity looks and offering me their cover up products but it was hopeless. On show day the tan company put a 12 year old girl who was really insecure in charge of touch ups and she said hadn't ever done tanning stuff and didn't know how to use the glaze etc. Her touch up efforts made me even worse! I am really upset about it becuase I know I placed lower for it and walking out on stage feeling humiliated for my tan was not cool... And my friends only took 4 really blurry photos of me on stage....and the on site photographers took hundreds of photos of the first 3 figure classes and not even one photo from Figure D class. So I have NO pictures of me on stage! (I kinda need at least one clear picture so I can email it to the tanning people and rage at them.) I guess I'm pretty disappointed....I was hoping/expecting to place 4 - 5th. My upper body and posing etc was great and my butt wasn't far off.

I was an ugly loser...and loner...I hated myself and wanted to die starting at the age of 8. I got straight A's at school but always failed physical education/gym class because I felt gross in my own body and didn't enjoy moving...or being bullied. (Wish they could all see me now that I'm ripped with a 6 pack and could kick all their a**es) I never had many friends.. just one or 2, sometimes none. I have a death fear of eye contact so had/have no close personal relationships with people, not even my family, although I crave it. When I was a kid I developed PTSD and OCD/anxiety troubles because of trauma involving animal cruelty, and I started seeing images in my head of animals being mutilated 24/7 (which I still do and it still causes a lot of stress/anxiety/depression problems) Naturally I became vegan..but not until my 20's which is odd...I guess when my parents were no longer in charge of feeding me.... I also have never experienced an alcoholic beverage...or a cigarette, or illegal drug...or a coffee... probably because I had no friends to introduce those things to me...

I guess then no more bean sprouts and carrots before bed I was taking creatine and L glutamine....doctor said to drop creatine ASAP. I've tried a million different herbal/vegan sleep aids...and with a combination of 7 of them, including a tea that mimics cortisol to trick my body into thinking it doesn't need to make more, it has gradually improved the last 2 weeks to around 7 hrs a night...normally I'd get 9hrs and with hard workouts even longer so its not really enough but at least I can function. I've tried EVERYTHING with adjusting lifestyle and night routine before bed...nothing helped. My adrenaline no longer shuts off, its screaming 24/7...I feel like I'm relaxed, my mind relaxed too...but I just lay in bed not sleeping and heart rate too high. Luckily I only work afternoons...I can always sleep in IF I sleep....

Sleep is about 6 - 7 hrs a night....but starting to get consistent...fewer nights of 2 - 4 hrs. I frequently wake up soaked in sweat between midnight and 1 am...not sure what that's about its just been in this last month, I'm careful not to work hard in my evening workouts and feel pretty cool by bedtime...someone said its just my body in super cutting mode? Typical back is 3 to 5 exercises, 3 sets each 6 - 10 reps...last set always a drop set... I change up the exercises each time but my master list is: chin ups - wide/narrow and sometimes with 10 - 20lbs weight lat pulldown reverse lat pulldown straight arm pulldown dumbell 1 arm row seated row lever row/bent over row cross pulley

ok...I did a couple days with just half workouts...I don't have the discipline for a real "rest day" but I haven't given up trying to have one... here is today's pic of me casually gazing out the gym window....11 days out from competition...

Thanks for that Robert....I will think on it... I'm terrified that if I miss a workout I will shrivel up... I can lay down for a nap...but hypnic jerks in my arms and abs every couple minutes prevents me from sleeping.

5 weeks out from competition.... body feeling ok...diet and 3 workouts a day going great. 10.5% body fat 2 days ago...6 pack is there... but cortisone build up and adrenaline problems have had me in emergency twice in the last month. I take 7 different herbal/vegan meds 3 times a day and still my arms and legs twitch all night and I can't sleep...making things really hard. This insomnia has been going for months! My mind is sooo tired but my body is pumped on adrenaline 24/7. The only real cure is 2 weeks off the gym but I can't do that 18 days from competition.

i trained for a marathon and never ran one....I get really sick like this every 6 months or so (where I get violent and should be hospitalized)...but I also get really sick every month with my monthly cycle. I don't take meds...so no pain killers or anything and I get cramps for 4 days usually. EVERY time I get my period its diarrhea for days and I can't eat. So that on top of a month of insomnia and losing weight too fast already really knocked me out last week. They were planning to send me to the psych ward for a week but I pretended things weren't as bad as they are. Even if I get back on track in the next 2 weeks there is still one more monthly cycle before the competition and it will take its usual toll. I don't feel like I can compete with other people who can just pop pills in their mouth for whatever is bothering them and have a normal productive day of eating, sleeping, and weight training.

I felt like throwing up for 4 days and tried to put things in my mouth but couldn't swallow...i really tried my best...all I could think about was how it would affect my weight and that I need to eat...but also I've had insomnia for a month - which got worse when I cut back my workouts to 1/3 intensity because I thought I was over training. I went to the hospital twice because I started having violent episodes from lack of sleep, one time the cops actually took me in...basically losing my mind...but I refused their meds. There were only 2 days that I didn't get in 2400 cal which is my maintenance intake...one day 1300 cal and one 1800 cal... mathematically I figured that should only cost me 1/2 lb. I know some weight was just water loss. I didn't drink much either because I didn't want to wake up to go to the bathroom at night since I can't fall asleep again. Whats shocking is how much I see the 5 lbs lost off my muscles and how weak I still am. I'm going to creatine load this week and eat as much as I can but i will also gain some fat and water with muscle...not sure if I can gain that much muscle back and still have time to cut in 7 weeks. I was at 11% body fat in the photos....I'd only need to lose 1% or 2% more fat to compete.

bad news....I was extreme sick all last week and lost 5 lbs. I don't know what to do now...its 7 weeks from competition. Today 124 lbs and the goal weight was 127. I can see my upper body muscle is deteriorated. Is it possible to salvage myself or should I drop the idea of competing at this show. I don't want to go in knowing I'm less than my best...but I don't want to kill myself trying to get it back together for 7 weeks and not be able to make it happen if its impossible to do. Can a person bulk up 5 lbs and cut down again in 7 weeks?

I am eating almost 200g of protein a day...macros at 42% carb 32% protein and 23% fat...just upped to 2700 cal a day (up from 2400) now that I'm gonna bulk for a month. I do two 45 minute weight sessions a day and was doing 30 min cardio too..but dropping cardio at least for a week.... I'll be in Santa Monica next Wednesday...maybe check out that restaurant...

thanks...you folks are great...I have no trainers or anyone here in small mountain town who knows anything so I rely on what people say on the internet. I I'm going to LA next week and getting a spray tan - which a friend of mine says is vegan...although I'm skeptical. What's in those spray tans? Then hopefully I can get a decent abs photo.

thanks for the insights... calipers have me at 10.5% body fat 2 days ago which is too lean for 10 weeks out, I've only been cutting for 5 weeks and still 10 weeks to go. I'm going back to bulking for a month. Kills me to drop cardio because it made such a difference...and I'll be paranoid I'm getting fat. I noticed my belly button is only half as as deep as it was a month ago. I feel frustrated because I thought my body fat was higher and I was just about to amp up the cardio but my mentor sent a big warning that I'm too thin after seeing these pics. The pics don't show it but my abs are almost as defined as my back...I think its the light...should there be ab definition below the bellybutton? I'll have to look at some pro pics...I do have 6 in my 6 pack. I'm starting to see cuts in my quads but subtle.

I will probably be scored lower for my back..its too fine...not much meat on it...the pro girls have thick backs.

10 weeks out from competition....

the hand held is all our gym has unfortunately and I figured its better than having no idea... here's some pics from today....